A Rogue's Diary

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The capture went smoothly. The prison is secure. Even the interrogation is seeing progress enough to have something to report to Khorvis. I delivered our recording of Skylah in her current condition to Lion’s Watch. Attacks on Vol’mar seem to have ceased, at least for now. I placed recording devices to spy on the Caravan. Alliance attempts at retaliation have been answered harshly.

And yet….

There is so much opportunity for it all to fall apart. Or worse.

The latest orders… I’m not sure I can do it, although I know I must. And in the end, I know I will….but…it’s not right. I have a few days. I will think of something.

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03.04.18 I don’t go to the cabin much anymore.  Not while the girl is still there. However, sources say she is seen around Dalaran sometimes, so she’s not there all the time.  Baal came to Cantin

02.24.17 Siane lied.  Kex’ti is not dead after all.  He is alive and well, by the sounds of it.  She paid for her lies though.  Shallow wounds by a blade coated with agonizing poison.  Too bad it

03.23.17   I lost two friends today.  Three, if I count the troll I was given as a bodyguard.   Zulkaz looked so big and strong, and he had so many weapons.  He said he could kill Kex’ti


It’s nearly time.

I’m still not sure what my purpose is tonight. Surely the Alliance will not surrender. If they show up at all, it will be to fight. And what are Tesonii and I supposed to do in that case? Two Grims against however many Alliance sail into Bladefist Bay?

Tesonii seems confident. I hope that confidence is in her own ability to escape if things go bad, and not in me to ensure her safety. Does she even realize the risk she’s taking tonight?

I will save her if I can. She is Grim. But I will not risk my own survival over it. Or my freedom.

I will walk away from this. Still I can’t help but feel Khorvis is throwing us to the lions. Especially Tesonii.

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  • 5 weeks later...


It’s been a month since I have picked up this book. A whole month since the night Tes and I went to face the Alliance. I know it was at Bladefist Bay on Khorvis’ orders, because I read it here.

I don’t remember all of what happened that night. Only that I tried to save Tes, and Kex’ti left me to the lions. I call him Maggot now, but I’m not sure how I came up with that name. Lilly said he also led the team that got me out of Stormwind.

My flesh still burns with Light from the sisters’ attacks. I’m sure if that Knight hadn’t stopped them, they would have continued to burn me until I was nothing more than a pile of ash.

Lilly tried to fix me. I can remember things now. Not everything, but I know I am Grim, and I know I must kill Alliance. And I remember some other things, mostly fragments of things. There are still things missing. Trying to review my memories feels like reading an old book missing pages, and some of the pages that are there have holes in them. I can close some of the holes if I concentrate hard enough. Reading this journal and some other documents I found in my hut has helped too.

Ashenvale calls to me. I have a feeling there might be answers there if I can find what I’m looking for. But I don’t know what I’m looking for. Maybe I’ll know it if I see it.

Kittens. Something I was going to do with kittens. I can’t remember.

And there’s something else. Something else was taken from me, something important. But I don’t know what.

What have they done to me?

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I know I should be grateful to Kex’ti. I really should. He was the lead in my escape, risking Sanctuary’s alliances in the process. He challenged Marrus to Mak’gora for my release, risking his own life. I don’t understand why he would go to such lengths for someone who has caused him nothing but trouble over the past year. I guess because he thinks I saved Tes, and because Tes told him I was not involved in Skylah’s torture. She lied to him, obviously; her way of trying to save me in return, I guess.

A knight and a gnome saved me from being burned to death by the sisters’ Light, and a purple elf has saved me from execution and imprisonment. What a strange feeling to be indebted to people I so despise.

I am grateful, especially to Kex’ti. But he makes me so angry! He acts like I, and The Grim, are a weapon to be pointed precisely at the targets he approves of, and no others or he’ll stop me. And yet, he’s not willing to help deal with those targets himself because of purple people policies. Still, I owe him, so I’ll keep his request in mind as I plan things, at least for a while.

I thought Lilly fixed my memory enough to fool people, but I still get questioned about it, and I’ve noticed some Grims giving me pitying looks now and then. Lupinum and Ul-Rezaj seem to know something is still not right. It’s usually not too hard to get by though. People use names a lot over the hearthstone, and I can then match names to voices. And most Grims wear tabards, so I can recognize them as Grim easily. Once I can match name to face to voice, it’s almost like something clicks together in my head.

Like that elf at the Cantina the other night. She seemed nice. I can feel a piece in my mind trying to slide into place. I worked on something with her recently. Something big, something important. I think she may be one of the shadows with me in that tower where we kept Skylah.

I followed the Caravan from Ashenvale to Darnassus a few days ago. There’s something there that may give me some answers I think. I’ll go searching out there again soon.

I sent Edwin Marrus his first present. There will be more. Why are kittens important? I don’t know, but I sent him one, along with a few sprigs of peacebloom. Peace through annihilation, you bastard.

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I sent Marrus another present for Winter Veil. Two cat crates, one with a live kitten, and the other with kitten pieces. Maybe he can put it back together, like a puzzle. Why kittens? I haven’t figured that out yet.

I went back to Ashenvale again. I found what I was looking for this time, but there were no answers for me there, only hostility and more threats. The card man said he offered to help me before. Maybe that’s why I thought he would help me now. Instead, he told me to get lost, or he’d trap me in an arcane prison and send a message to Marrus with my location. I guess I was right not to trust him before.

Lilly worked in my head some more. Now I have my own puzzle to solve. It’s like she uncovered pieces, but I have to put them together. But I don’t have all the pieces, and I don’t think I ever will. It’s confusing and disorienting and frustrating, and the process to uncover the pieces is as unpleasant as it was when the memories were removed. At least, I think it is.

I can see enough now to give Khorvis the information that he wants, or at least, enough so that he won’t notice there are holes in it. It was easy enough to get by during Office Hours last night. “Grim strong, Alliance weak. Peace through annihilation!” That seemed to make everyone happy enough. Who needs the truth when you have a surplus of confidence and a catchy motto?

Nobody wants to hear that even though the Alliance may seem soft at times, they are stronger than us, because they are more unified. The Grim cannot stand alone against the entire Coalition, but we have no one to stand with us. Sanctuary was never dependable, Borrowed Time can’t be trusted now, and even The Grim itself is more divided than it should be.

Maybe we can build some relationships from the contacts we made at the Winter Veil party the other night. I have a feeling Lilly is already working on that. Possibly in more ways than one!

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  • 2 weeks later...


I went with Lilly to Felwood yesterday. She didn’t say why, but we soon ran into the cardman and a worgen I recognized from the night I followed the Caravan from Ashenvale to some elf town in northern Darkshore.

Apparently it was just supposed to be a talk, so I left my blades in their sheaths and stayed quiet. Lilly could do the talking, and I’d just be there for show and for backup in case it was a trap. It’s strange, how I suspect so much of being a trap since I’ve been freed. I never used to be that paranoid. At least, I don’t think I was. I can’t remember for sure.

Something happened. I didn’t see who started it, but suddenly, Lilly was directing shadows, Tuuroto was casting spells, and the worgen had turned into a bear. So I drew my blades and joined in. We felled the bear and paused, giving the cardman a chance to back off. He did. He stopped attacking us with spells, and picked up the attack with his words. He really doesn’t like me. I’m not sure why. I never did anything to him. After the worgen bear recovered, one of them let it slip that they didn’t want us to go to a village up north. Once he made it clear, through his threats and insults, that he didn’t want to talk to us, we headed that direction in search of this village he didn’t want us to visit.

Several villagers were dead by the time the cardman and his dog caught up to us. There was a human female with them now too. The cardman wasn’t too happy about the state of things when he saw the blood and the bodies, and he made his feelings about that quite clear.

I once thought maybe he’s a nice guy, that he would help me escape, that his cards would hint of a future that held hope even for Forsaken. But after seeing him in Ashenvale a few weeks ago, I realized I was wrong. He was all nice and friendly to me while I was a harmless captive, but he certainly changed his tune now that I’m free. Was he just afraid of me? Or was it all an act in that cell?

Lilly and I beat the human woman and the worgen down, of course, and some human rogue who showed up just after, but they’re just Alliance. The Draenei is the cardman, and there was some personal satisfaction in seeing him fall. After all the threats he spat at me, after he pretended to be my friend, it felt good to slice open his skin and watch the blood leak out. He saw me bound and helpless and did nothing but give hollow offerings of help. I enjoyed seeing him beaten and helpless, laying there on the walkway in puddles of his own blood. I hope my poisons got into his veins and caused him as much agony as the sisters had caused me. I hope he has to lay around helpless for a month like I did. And then I hope he dies.

He won’t be the last.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The writing in this entry is at an odd slant and very uneven.


Fellin elves. I thought he was different.

If Khorvis was talking truth, he did try to protect us.

The elf failed us.

He let it happen.

Never trust an elf.

I should know that by now.

“For the greater good.”

Screw you, Naheal.

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Cessily has returned.

She was there through the whole meeting, watching us from under her hood. I didn’t even suspect it was her. Why would I? It’s been many years since the last time I saw her, and she kept her face covered.

Even when she stepped forward and pushed back her hood, I still didn’t recognize her. The chopped off ears looked familiar, and I had the feeling she was someone I didn’t like, but there were still holes in my memory. I had studied this journal when I got back from Eternal Aegis, and when she gave her name to Khorvis, I was able to link her with the earliest pages of this book.

Cessily Suntouch was once the bane of my existence, simply because she was a Grim rogue. It started in the days shortly after the portal opened to Outland, when the blood elves first joined the Horde and then The Grim.

It was my job to train the Grim rogues, mentor them, make them Grims, and keep them in line. I’m sure I wasn’t completely successful with all of them, but I failed so completely with this one that I was sentenced to a harsh punishment by a mad Mistress, the Grim’s leader at the time. Because of Cessily, I felt justified in my first crimes against a fellow Grim.

Now she's back. And Khorvis has assigned me an impossible task. Sometimes I can’t decide if I believe that orc has enormous faith in my abilities and dedication, or if he simply hates me.

Should I see this as a second chance to train a Grim rogue? Or as a horrible part of my past destined to be repeated?

People change, sometimes, in so many years. Maybe she’s learned to control her tongue since then. If not, well, with my task, I'll have the power to make her life as miserable as she once made mine.

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  • 2 weeks later...


I haven’t seen Cessily since the Inquisition last week. Maybe she took her earless head and went back to wherever she’s been hiding all these years.

That new elf interviewed me last night for his second Trial. Baal-something. I guess he doesn’t have much confidence in finding Drinn. He asked the usual boring questions, so I gave him the usual boring answers. I should start making up more interesting answers. I’m sure the Inquisitors get bored with the same answers too. Like.... What does the Mandate mean to you? Do the opposite of what Sanctuary would do. Why did you join The Grim? I heard they had pies, but the orcs ate them all.

I’ve seen this particular elf question applicants during their interviews. He seems genuinely interested in them. But he’s an elf, so I’m sure it’s just an act, probably to make himself look better. I wonder if Khorvis really did give him ideas he could someday be a leader in The Grim.

Either way, he’s an elf. With pretty ears that I want. He said something about his eye for his last Trial. It reminded me of Cobrak, and we all know how that turned out. I guess I should ask him about that, make sure he doesn’t end up going down that same path. Not that I care if he succeeds in his Inquisition. He’s just an elf.

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There’s a silly auction tonight for people to buy men for a date. Pai, some Borrowed Time troll, is running it. She said I’m not allowed to go now, because I started a bar fight in the Brokenspear last night.

The whole thing wouldn’t have been a big deal if Shokkra had just minded her own business. So I was picking a fight with an elf. Big deal. It wasn’t a Sanctuary elf. It was just some stranger. But nooo, she had to interfere, and then everyone else just kinda of piled on. It was the stranger elf, Shokkra, and Pai against me, Shaelie, Baalthemar, and Naring. We so would have beat them. But then some orc painted a N.U.K.U.L.A.R. target on the tavern, so we all kinda scattered then.

That prissy elf called for the guards. And they actually responded! With all the scraps that happen in that tavern, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen guards come in over it. Naring pulled rank on them though and sent them away.

I’m still going to the silly auction tonight. I’ll have to go in disguise probably, depending on how many other Grims are going. I’m not afraid of Pai, but she’s Borrowed Time, and I’m sure they would enforce her decision. She’ll probably be too busy running things to notice me anyway. I just want to see the men get sold. Maybe I’ll buy someone to play with myself.

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I’m not crazy. I heard that elf crying on the ship. Why did nobody else hear it?

I asked Aderlee to go shut him up, but he said he didn’t hear anything. Everyone else also said they didn’t hear anything. But I heard it. I heard it half the night! It wouldn’t stop!

It was taunting me. So I stabbed it to give it something to cry about. But somehow I stabbed Baalthemar instead. And then Leyu’jin and Lilly yelled at me and grabbed me. And then the crying turned to laughter. Why was he crying? Why was he laughing?

I’m not crazy. I heard it. Then Nathandiel was there. He wiped his eyes. Alakroz licked his face and said he had been crying. It was him! Lilly let me go and told me to get him. So I did. I clawed his face and punched him. I think I broke his nose.

Baalthemar told me to stop. A Supplicant! Trying to tell me what to do! So I punched him too. I don’t remember anything after that. I woke up on the cot in my hut this morning. And my head hurts.

I’m not crazy. I heard it. It was Nathandiel. Wasn’t it?

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The Cantina was on the beach last night in the Echo Isles. It was crowded. Apparently Cobrak was supposed to get married there, but it got canceled. I’m not surprised. Who would want to marry that mean traitor?

Naring pressed for an answer on that job he wanted me to do, and I told him no. He thinks I need felblight for my alchemy potions or something. But it’s too risky, and I can get my own felblight. It feels like a trap. Even if it’s not, and as much as I’d love to slit that person’s throat, it would paint a huge target on me by certain people I’d rather not have after my head.

It seems that makes no difference though. Shortly after I told Naring no, he told Khorvis there’s a bounty on me. He showed us some paper that I couldn’t read. It wasn’t in orcish or common. I talked to Saelyx later, and he said it was written in elvish. It’s always fellin’ elves. The paper offered 100,000 gold for my death. But no name or other instructions on how to claim the reward, so I’m not sure it’s real, or if Naring is just playing games with me because I won’t do that job for him. I’ll have to check with Zanas. Surely he would have heard of a bounty that big on someone. There aren’t that many people who could afford such a big reward. I told Naring he better find out who put out the hit on me, or I’ll tell a certain someone about the job he wanted me to do.

Shokkra was there last night, in a bikini, like Alliance won’t swoop down on us and attack at any time. Maybe she thinks that because she’s Sanctuary, they won’t attack her, as if the humans are not all deceitful and cruel beasts. She seems kinda dumb. She wants to meet with Bloodscream to ask him about Vilmah. I told him, of course, and me and Shaelie explained to him that Sanctuary today is not the one he remembers from the days Vilmah led them. I warned him that they’re not to be trusted. No one is.

Someone signed me up for a bachelorette date auction on Friday. I talked to Paiyuna about it the other day, after I got a note from the Commander to see her. She’s running it. I wonder why she went to the Commander about it. She just asked me a bunch of questions about what kind of dates I like and stuff. I told her about the dates I used to have with Lucion, sneaking through Stormwind and killing people, and sparring for hours outside Undercity. I’m not sure I want someone to buy a date with me. There will never be anyone else like Lucion. There’s nobody else I like as a date, and if it’s someone I don’t like, I’ll be stuck with them for an evening. I guess it’s too late to back out now. I’ll just hope for someone interesting.

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The auction was crowded last night, but I was up near the end, and the crowd had thinned out by then.

Everyone wanted Shaelie. Strange. I think she sold for more than all the men combined. Nok bought her. He beat Cerryan because of the timer. I wonder what they all want with her. She’s just an elf, and not even an exceptionally pretty one at that. She didn’t even wear a pretty dress or anything. Maybe it was the glitter someone threw on her while she was up there. Maybe it hypnotizes people or something.

Only a few people bid on me. Naring and Inzema dropped out quick. I’m glad Inzema didn’t win me. I think of him as a brother, and that would just be weird. I mean, I like him and all, but I don’t like him in that special Sammuel and Lascivious way. Yemana through in a few bids too, which was weird. But it ended up with Saelyx bidding for me against Awatu. The Commander won. Saelyx was not happy, but I sent him a note later.

I have no idea why Awatu bought some of the people he did. Maybe he was just trying to save me from a date with a non-Grim. That’s the only thing I can figure. He’s the Commander of all The Grim. It’s not like he has to spend gold to spend time with any of them, when he can just order them to come see him whenever he wants.

Naring finally told me who put out the hit on me. Some elf named Narrick. Said he was last seen in Hellfire Citadel. I guess I’ll have to arrange a visit. I don’t trust Naring one little bit, but Khorvis made some kind of arrangement with Rutilus Luna, so I guess I shouldn’t kill him.

It looks like my alchemy experiment was a failure. Lots of people got sick from the plagued chocolates, but I think they’re all better now. I haven’t heard of anyone dying from it, or better yet, turning Forsaken from it. I guess I’ll have to find some motivation for Bernie to try harder.

I toyed with Cerryan after most people had left last night. Suddenly he said something about his power with the Light, and I thought he was going to burn me. But he just put a shield around himself and activated his hearthstone instead. Prissy coward.

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People are weird. There was a wedding celebration at the Gallywix Pleasure Palace, so the Cantina crowd went there tonight. I think it was Cobrak’s wedding, but I didn’t see him there.

Pai sent me a note saying she donated my share of my auction price to Sanctuary or Eversong or something about elves. I don’t even remember, I was so angry when I read it.

Saelyx and I have been sending each other messages, planning to meet up even though he didn’t win me at the auction.

I demanded my money from Pai tonight, but she refused, so I attacked her. Saelyx disapproved and got angry at me. Pai beat me soundly, healed me with her druid spells, bought me a drink, and then gave me the gold.

Saelyx still didn’t talk to me. He spent most of the evening with some pretty elf anyway. They were nearly naked together in the hot tub. Then he had a meeting with some elf guy in the bar. Maybe Saelyx is more elf-like than he thinks. They talked about red dresses and business partnerships and boring elf things. Then he left to take the pretty elf lady to Orgrimmar. Maybe dragons aren’t so different from people after all. I guess we’re not going to have our ‘date’ now. It was a stupid idea anyway, and his pretty lady elf friend is probably a hooker.

I found Anock in Warspear tonight. I questioned him about why he paid so much for Shaelie at the auction. I found out Pai told him to buy Shaelie to keep her out of the hands of bad men. Cerryan was the one bidding against Anock for her. What did Cerryan want with Shaelie, and why was Pai protecting her?

I found a new Forsaken man tonight. He was human until he ate some poisoned chocolates. I am so happy that my experiment has been successful, even if it’s only one person. It’s progress! I wonder if there are any more.

Even better, this guy used to work for Geo, the grunting grump who seemed to be in charge of security for Eternal Aegis. And the Forsaken guy, Tertrey, thinks it was Geo who poisoned the chocolates!

I will befriend this Tertrey, and turn him against Geo and the rest of Eternal Aegis. It won’t be hard. He already wants to get back at them. I’ll help him, and we’ll both get revenge--first by blaming them for the plagued chocolates to isolate them from the rest of the Alliance, and then by killing them.

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  • 2 weeks later...


I hate them. Seeing them again fills me with rage until I can’t think of anything else other than slicing them open to watch them bleed. And then that stupid, annoying, prissy, arrogant elf has the nerve to say to everyone who helped fight, “Oh don’t kill them. It’s better to just shame them.” What the fel ever! Let’s hand HIM over to Edwin Marrus and his lackeys for a month and then see if he still thinks we shouldn’t kill them!

I saw them as soon as I got to Vol’mar. I stabbed the Scarlet first. I wanted to watch him bleed to death. I wanted to taste his blood. But they were all there. And I had to retreat. Then I came back and stabbed the evil professor himself. Oh, how I’d love to have him strapped to a table at my mercy! We would have so much fun! Eventually we drove them out though, and I followed them to Lion’s Watch and looked for a chance to finish any of them off. I found one to stab, but the rest of them were soon attacking me and drove me away. There were too many of them. So after they left, I killed an elf, a couple guards, and a few laborers carrying wood.

I hope my plans with the new Forsaken work out. I got a vial of the Wreave sample from Nathandiel. He thinks I’m working on a cure for it. It’s not much, but hopefully it’s enough to get the Forsaken attached to me without knowing why. Then I can use him as my personal weapon against Eternal Aegis. I don’t even remember all the details of why I hate them, but I know I want them all to die horribly.

The Commander noticed I’m different since I got back, and he asked me about it. I told him I still don’t remember everything. It took me an hour to remember who Gaz was when he came back, and he was one of my best friends! Who else have I forgotten that I don’t even know about? The Commander said I should look into Shu’halo rituals. Ul-Rezaj said maybe a spirit walk. I’m not sure I want to remember everything from when I was with the humans. Lupin said I don’t have to do it if I don’t want to, but the Commander thinks I should do it, so I will.

I talked to Makuni about it. He looked into it and found a ritual. He gave me a list of ingredients to get for him. He’s not even a week out of being a Supplicant, and he’s sending me to get these items? Maybe there’s some significance for the ritual in getting them myself.

Baalthemar is planning some dumb ritual of his own. Normally I wouldn’t care about an elf cutting himself apart, but this just doesn’t make any sense. Seeing with only one eye is going to make it harder to stab things. I don’t get it. Something about magical stuff and being Grim forever even after he dies.

Maybe that’s a good thing, because if he goes through with that other idea he mentioned last night, he might not live much longer. I’d love to see the chaos if he does that though! I’d even help him, just to see the look on that smug judgmental elf’s face when it’s done! I bet that would finally push him over the edge.

Speaking of elves I hate, I still need to track down that idiot who put the price on my head. Naring seems to know something about him, or at least where to find him. I need to kill him and get word out that he’s dead and that nobody will pay for my death. I’m sure that will make me safe!

And then there’s Noko’s warning from the elements last night. “The fire burns, but the residue remains.” Or something like that. What the fel is that supposed to mean? Fire leaves ashes. Wow. Dessim said maybe it means someone I thought was dead isn’t really as dead as I thought. But there’s only one person whose death I really cared about, and I fed his brains to Rabble, so he can’t be back. At least, I don’t remember anyone else I killed that’s very important. But if I don’t remember them, how would I know I forgot them?

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It’s almost too easy to make Shokkra lose her temper. I was simply sitting in my usual spot in the Brokenspear a few days ago, expressing my beliefs about peace and the Mandate and the Alliance. All of a sudden, the ugly brute threw a wine barrel at me and nearly crushed me. So I threw a little knife at her. Then she threw an orc at me! And people say I’m the violent one? One thing led to another, Juli came in and went after this warlock I could be friends with, so I jumped on her back to pull her away from him. Then Kex’ti came in and hoi’d everyone, and was his usual arrogant self, acting like I have to answer to him. Just because we both know he can beat me up, cut off my ear, even kill me, in a fair fight, that’s supposed to mean I have to listen to him all the time? I’m done with that.

Then a bunch of Grims showed up too, and Drak’zon and Naring were there, and there was this whole crowd, like a stupid barfight was such a big deal all of a sudden. Kex’ti and Julilee dragged Shokkra outside. Drak said something about me letting Shokkra get away with attacking me, and Khorvis said I would take the flesh I thought was owed me. So I had to do something. I went outside and punched Shokkra in the head, then beat her up some more, and then I went back into the tavern. Her armor is old, and it’s easy to stab her.

Then later, I got a note from her in some orc language that I couldn’t read. At first, I figured it was just scribble. She doesn’t seem very smart, so I didn’t think she could write. But I had to go to the translators in Booty Bay for something else the next day anyway, so I had them look at it. She called me a fat whore and said she was going to kill me in a week, which will be Wednesday. Nice of her to let me know my deadline. I wrote “Bring it” on the bottom of the note, under the goblin’s translation, and gave it to Kex’ti to give to her.

Like I need anymore threats. That elf Naring told me about still has a bounty out on me (and Selash was around last night. Hm.), elements are warning me about ashes after a fire, an angry purple orc plans to kill me, and Naring is dropping warnings (threats?) about my alchemy lab and the work I’ve been overseeing there. I told Bernie to move the lab. He’ll let me know where it is once he gets everything all settled in a new place. He’s thorough, so I know he won’t leave anything behind.

I have all the materials Makuni asked for, for the spirit walk, but I told him I was still working on it and needed a few days yet. I like Makuni, and I feel like I can trust him, as much as I can trust anyone at least, but I’m not sure I’ll want to see whatever it is that’s missing. He said it won’t hurt or anything, even if the memories we find are of me being hurt. It will be like watching someone else.

On a brighter note, things are moving along with Tertrey. I found him again in Hillsbrad and gave him some Southshore Stout he had asked for. It was special stout, with a few drops of Wreave in each bottle. Dessim said Wreave didn’t kill her or make her a demon because she took it in drinks and only took a little bit. I hope she’s right. If not, my new friend may be dead or a demon soon. Oh well, he is former Eternal Aegis, so if he dies, I won’t lose any sleep over it—even if I did still sleep. If it doesn’t kill or transform him, hopefully he'll come looking for me for more stout when he runs out, and I’ll mold him into my own weapon to slaughter those evil humans he used to work for.

Ul-Rezaj is going to use Wreave on Baal’themar. It’s been on the tip of my tongue to warn him so many times, but I haven’t. Baal is a Supplicant. Ul-Rezaj is a veteran Grim. I can’t betray Ul-Rezaj, for an elf that isn’t even full Grim yet. I just hope Ul knows what he’s doing. Baal is just an elf, but he doesn’t seem too bad. (If it was Nathandiel, I’d help forcefeed all the Wreave I could get up his nose. I really don’t like him.) Still, I’m not sure I trust Baal’s ritual. He’s an elf, so I assume he’s old, and he’s a Supplicant, so he hasn’t been a Grim very long. Why would someone commit their life and afterlife to an organization they’ve been a part of for SUCH a TINY part of their life? Does he really love The Grim that much already? Or does he have some other evil plans? Maybe the ritual doesn't even do what he said. He seems nice enough, but he is an elf, so, like I told the Commander a while back, I’m sure he’ll turn on us someday. It’s just a matter of when and why and who gets hurt over it.

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My mind is made up. As if there was any real doubt I would do it. I have to try it, just to see if it works.

At Cantina this week, a strange elf asked me if I knew Rethsil. The name was familiar, so I said I did. The elf asked if I’d seen him recently, and I could honestly say I hadn’t in recent memory. I found out later that Rethsil was one of my rogues back when I was a Dreadweaver. I can’t remember.

Last night, riding from Brill to the Bulwark, I came across a Forsaken warrior wearing a tabard with the symbol of Undercity. He introduced himself as the Warlord of Infection. Khorvis rode up and called him Keraph. Again, the name sounded like it should be familiar, and he and Khorvis both referenced a long-term friendship between our two guilds in the past, but again, I couldn’t remember.

I’m tired of hiding it. I can’t keep faking it. So far, I’ve managed to fool most people, but eventually, I’ll slip up and say the wrong thing.

I have the materials. I’ll find Makuni soon, and I’ll tell him I’m ready for the spirit walk.

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The spirit walk is done. I was able to do it, and it worked. Lilly had managed to pull together some of my memories shortly after my return, but the Shu’halo ritual closed more of the gaps. I owe that to Makuni.

Still there are more questions. Not so much what questions now, but still questions.

The waitress. Where is she now? Is she still in the human’s head? Is she even still alive? Can she be saved? I suppose it’s possible, if she recovers, especially under Marrus’ guidance, that she may become a threat to me or other Grims. She’ll have to be dealt with.

I asked Lomani last night what could possibly happen to the waitress. I don’t think she realized the waitress and I separate now. She asked if she could “See” me, and I said yes. Then she seemed surprised. She said I have to get the waitress back, right away. No chance. I don’t even know where she is, who she’s with, and I even if I did, I would have no idea how to get her back in me, if I even wanted her in there again. She kept insisting that I am not well, but I told her there’s nothing I can do about that and I’m fine.


And then there’s Kex’ti.

All this time, I’ve blamed one person more than anyone for the whole thing. He negotiated the trade. Tes went free, and I took her place as captive. I blamed all of Sanctuary for that, but now I know the specific details. Julilee gave the order to not let me escape. Kex’ti negotiated the trade. Julilee supported him. Kargron didn’t like it, but he didn’t do anything to stop it. Kex’ti promised to come back in a day or two to get me out. And then he left me there. We had our differences over the prior year, sure, but I thought we were smoothing things over. I never thought he would hand a Horde over to Alliance instead of fighting to get everyone out safely. I never felt such betrayal before that night.

So I blamed him for the whole thing, ever since I got tied up that night. He’s the one who traded my freedom for Tes’s. But isn’t that what I went there for? When I saw Sanctuary there, I had hope that we could fight our way out. But if Sanctuary hadn’t been there, well, I wasn’t going to leave Tes there, one way or another.

Other Grims are friends with him. Even Shaelie gave in. I will never forgive him for what he did. And I will never trust him again. I know where I stand with him—lower than the Alliance. But continuing to hate him alone is pointless. After all, in addition to being the one who negotiated my imprisonment, he was also the one who led the team that freed me.

*a letter is attached to the next page*

Dear Syreena,

I know you may disregard the severity of your injury, but I hope you understand that this is not something which should be ignored. The spirit CAN heal itself. But it will never be the same. If you doubt my words, look to your guildmate Lilliana of the partial soul, and tell me truly that you believe her whole and healthy and well-balanced. If you would instead like to heal the rift in your own self, here are some things you can try, just to start.

Try teas of lavender, or honeymint. Use rosemary to flavor your meats. These plants will help you center yourself, if temporarily. Use them especially when you feel that there is no clear path before you.

Amethyst is a powerful focusing crystal. It can help you to clearly see and accurately interpret your surroundings. Keep it with you. It will help you to maintain discipline. You needn’t be afraid of success. You are the master of your own self.

Lastly, I would advise that you try every day to create visual art. Draw or color a picture. Perhaps carve or sculpt. Stimulate the sense of sight by going to beautiful colorful places.

These are small steps you can take. If you wish to progress further, then is when you will need the aid of others. Meditation and guided visions can often be of great help, and I suspect my Brother may have done that with you already.

Please do not assume that you are well. I can see the damage to your spirit in the colors of your soul. It is a flawed rainbow, and the largest damage is to the anchor located behind your eyes. Violet concerns the use of the mind, our imagination, and ability to see one’s life clearly. It is our relationship to knowledge. It directly affects your pride, and the ability to make judgments.

I am truly sorry, not only for the trauma you recently experienced, but also the one from your adolescence. No one deserves to endure such frightening environments.

I hope I have helped you with this small advice. Even small steps, if taken in the right direction, will eventually take you to your goal.

Feed the good wolf, Syreena.

With care,

Lomani Greydawn

of the

Mists of Dawn

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Lilliana gets indignant, "Oh? Well, tell me what you know then. What do you know about my 'pale soul'?" she challenges her.


“Do you still think that I know nothing?” the seer asks calmly.

Lilliana rolls her eyes, "Yeah, you know nothing." She grins, falsely. "I gotta go." She uses this as an excuse. "Bye." She stands and turns away to exit the tavern.

Lilliana kicks the doorway as she leaves.

((This is why?))

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  • 2 weeks later...


Atticus is back. We talked a little bit during Inquisition last night. I told him about some of the stuff going on since he’s been gone, and then we talked about Drinn and Nathandiel. It was good to talk to him again. So many people around all the time, yet so few that I feel I can trust.

A few weeks ago, Shokkra sent me a death threat note. She finally challenged me to a fight at Cantina this week. She didn’t want to kill me anymore though. She said she was influenced by drugs when she wrote that note, so I guess I’m supposed to forget about it. So we fought—just a spar--down on the lower deck, like Tahz always insists, even though he wasn’t there that night. Shokkra had new armor since last time. It was better, much better, than her old set.

I still beat her. I wanted to kill her while I had her beaten. At least take off an ear, or her nose, or a hand.

What good would it do though? A few moments of pleasure from hurting her. She deserved it. But then I’d have Kex’ti breathing down my neck if he found out. And where would that get me? Dead, or earless, or worse. If he found out. If I killed her though, well, there were only Baal’themar and Nathandiel as witnesses. Who would tell?

Would it benefit the Horde to kill Shokkra? Would it be worth the trouble it would bring down on my head later?

Would it benefit the Horde to leave her alive? She was rude and brash, but she wasn’t a real threat to the Horde.

Except for the tabard she wore.

Even then, is all of Sanctuary a threat? Their purpose is the same as it was years ago, when Vilmah and Nojinbu had fought alongside us in the Molten Core. Back then, we teased them and looked down our noses at their goals, but there was never the threat of violence between us and them. Bloodscream trusted them, and that was good enough for me.

Do some of them still feel that way, while other, louder and more radical ones, are the only ones that are a threat? Of course, there were no snobby elves involved either back in the Molten Core days. Maybe not all of Sanctuary was the problem. Maybe, like always, maybe it was just the fellin’ elves ruining everything like they always do.

I felt the hard little lump against my ribs where Lomani’s amethyst rested in a pocket there. In the end, after I beat Shokkra in our duel, I made some comment about her new armor and returned to the top deck of the Cantina ship.

I need to remember to ask Makuni where to get more of that sweetgrass.

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