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Ramblings of a Sensate

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Several parchments lay scattered about Hellista's room. The door is not locked, and on further inspection, if anyone reads them in order, the scribblings seem to make sense. Here is what is written:

"Just a few thoughts as I have time to write.

Why am I so misunderstood? People call me whore, and the Sensates all seem to have bad reputations and are thought of as insane. Why can't people understand our ways?

First, I shall begin my rant with the one named Morgauth Nex'Cruor and his little wife Danyxandra. Before the death of my family, I was invited to their estate for a possible recruitment into their family. That didn't go so well. They think me a tramp and insane, simply because I walked through their house clad in a bedsheet? What sense does that make? These people murder and experiment on people, and yet are offended that I would walk their halls in a bedsheet?!? At least I put the sheet on. And that was after Skafloc and I had fun under their roof.

So the other night, I talked with them in hopes of getting them to understand me. I don't think they do. They still think of me as a whore, when in fact I have only had relations with two people in my entire life. Skafloc and Esaar. Neither of them think of me as a tramp. They understand me.

I don't think people understand me because they don't want to. They don't understand what it is to be enlightened. I may do silly things sometimes, but to me they make perfect sense. I will try anything once, and sometimes I end up hurt because of it, but the pain of knowledge is a small price to pay sometimes. I will do anything for more knowledge, for more experiences. They may think of me as insane, but I am enlightened and have never thought more clearly than as a Sensate.

Even mistress Clys respects me. I am sure she thinks of me as insane too, but she knows I am powerful and can think quickly. And I doubt she cares about bedsheets. I like her.

Skafloc respects me too I think. Out of the entire house of the Immortalis, Skafloc is the only one I seem connected with. Not just because we had one romp in the sack, but he seems to humor me without being mean to me. I know he doesn't fully understand what I do, but he doesn't really pretend to. He is more real to me than any of the people I know at times. If I were capable of love or jealousy, he would probably be the subject of both.

My sister, Ehlina. Ugh. She is with them now...With the Immortalis. It figures. She stays quiet, gets her work done, and mindlessly says yes to anyone in authority. She has always been miss perfect, and will always fall into a pile of dung and come out smelling like bloodthistle. I hate her.

Growing up, Ehlina was the favorite child in my house. She could do no wrong. There were even times when she did screw up, and because my mother didn't want to believe it possible, I was blamed. Me, the one who was kept locked up most of my life. I was hidden from most of the world because of my "gift" and forced to be a slave to Ehlina and my other sisters. No one ever asked me if I needed help, or if I was dealing with my gift well. No one ever comforted me at night when the ghosts and demons came to me, screaming in anger at the fact that they were dead or banished.

Alone, I grew up locked away, cleaning chamber pots and being chastised and beaten until the day I finally had enough and made things right. And now, after all my suffering and my escape, I am shunned and those who I slew are thought of as the good ones. It isn't fair!!!

Now I am becoming more powerful. I am sharp, think quickly, and through the use of smoking large quantities of fadeleaf I can keep the voices of the dead at bay. I am proud to be what I am. I am proud to learn new things, and experience things that most people would run from. I fear nothing, and yet at the same time I am thought of as scum by many people who should be praising me for what I have endured.

The Nether with them. With all those people. I am Hellista Josette Lok'tharis. I am a Sensate, and I am a powerful warlock. Those who are my friends will be treated as best as I can, and those who are my enemies will eventually have their souls sucked into my shards. I will know a normal life, and I will be loved and cherished, or I will kill them all. I will not be locked away again, even if the prison walls are the thoughts of others.

But I am rambling. Bitching is not becoming of me. I would rather these pages, if discovered, paint me as an eccentric who overcame her problems rather than succumbed to them.

Also, I have discovered that gnome blood is quite useful for....."

*The rest of the pages are missing*

((Just some fun and delving into the mind of the wacky warlock. Hope you enjoy the insanity. hehe))

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((Haha Skaf. By the way, after you left yesterrday I did attack that ?? dragon. It was comedy at its highest, and I died horribly. But thats what they make soulstones for! Yay!))

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((Hehe nothin' but love for you Morgauth and Danyxandra. Hellista, on the other hand, still thinks you hate her guts and is bothered. She sees herself as the victim. hehe.))

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