Sign in to follow this  
Cheater

Stack of grimy and scribbled notes.

Recommended Posts

A Stack of Grimy and Scribbled Notes

i8vJy.png

The Diary of a Cheater

((Cheater would never carry a journal or make any kind of personal notes.

Therefore, this "journal" is a mental diary of sorts, with info that can be gleaned by her stack of receipts and reminders.))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So there I was. It was a dark an' stormy day in Org'amar, and I was starvin'. I swear I'd been a good gal, haven't lifted a necklace or a sack a' coins in months-- okay okay, I hadn't successfully lifted nothin' in months, but that counts. It totally counts! S' anyways, it was actually kinda sunny out. Hot as hell even. Boss didn't need me fer a while, so I went lookin' for somethin' to do. Kinda sucks, the most money I evah made was with that bozo and when the spring dries up there ain't nothin' left to do. I snuck into the inn ta' check out the local gossip and -- just kiddin', I took anything that looked like food and shoved it in mah jerkin 'til I left. No one suspected a thing! Well, except the bartendah who was like "RAWR I'M A SMELLY ORC, GET DA FUG OUTTA HERE". So I obliged. It was time ta' go share the wealth with my pal Crunchy.

NO I remember now, it was night time! And it was totally dark n' stormy, it was like pourin' sheets a' water, like, like one 'a those shower things those elfies take. Hm... So I walk ovah ta' Crunchy near a watering hole and he's waggin' that Kodo tail like the lil' turd he is. All excited ta' see me. 'Cept... I don't remember what happened after that. Had the worst pain ya ever felt, 'guess someone cracked me ovah the head and blammo, out like a light. It was rude, ya know? Shouldn't hit a lady. Anyways, after that, I woke up to Crunchy eatin' the food outta my vest-- yeah thanks, I'm fine, no really. That's when I noticed. All mah crap was gone! The rare shit, the shiny shit, the kodo shit, it was all GONE, man, and I was freakin' out! Yeah yer prolly like "well Cheater, maybe if you hid your valuables instead of packing them on a Kodo that you leave alone for hours at a time, you wouldn't have gotten mugged". And to that I say, "PFFPFHTPFPTFPT". 'Scuse me ma'am, not all of us got fancy places to hide our fancy jewels and fancy fanciful houses to house our fanciness.

Well, advice duly noted. I just gotta find the rat who took mah shit and I'll get even. It can't be that hard. I had some pretty memorable memorabilia. And if I can't find it, well then, Uglyraz better have some work available. I'm still starvin'.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Been a while, still haven' found the rat who took my crap. Can't even believe it. How's a gal supposta' become a Trade Prince when she can't even feed herself or keep her crap safe? Eh... whatevah. Uggo's got mah back as expected. Had work fa' me an' Grallface (dunno, coulda' totally handled it all maself) in Dalaran. Man, what a fancy pisspool that place is. Magical everythang. I bet they got magical washrooms an' magical turds in the toilets. Sparkly. Sa' anyways, as I was sayin', Uglyraz sent me an' Grallface into Dalaran's liberries to check out some books. RIGHT? I know, Uggo checkin' out some books? EL OH EL! I was dyin' but Grallface was super serious so I tried to put on tha' serious face too. I dunno how those magical people didn't notice us pluckin' around their books, or at least the smell. I mean, I'm as clean as tha' next gob, but that ain't sayin' much, y'know? Grall figgered out where the missing book was, but that news sucked. Ironforge.

Yeah man, I friggin' flew to Ironforge the otha' day. Crappy McCrap (my wyvern or whatever) was like dyin' for real, I think he's on his way out. Dunno where I'mma get a new method of flight but I gotta tell ya, I saw these schematics for a helio coptah thang and I was like WHOA, Uglyraz buy me one! And he said no. Uh, anyways, so there we was. Sneakin' through Ironforge, sweatin' my ass off after bein' in the freezin' cold for hours and suddenly inside what felt like a damn volcano. At least I felt pretty tall in there, smackin' shorty guards in the head so they'd sleep real nice. We made it to the liberry, and Uglyraz caused all kindsa' ruckus while Grallface lifted me up so I could reach tha' books. Nice fella. See, they need me. Ol' Cheatah's still got it in 'er, I tell ya what.

We brought in another gob, I don't know much about 'im. He was there I guess. But man o' man, boss was lightin' 'em up. Love the smella' dwarf blood in the mornin'. Or afternoon. Anytime, really. So's we escaped to the "Tram", a fine piece of engineerin' if I ever saw one. It was scary movin' so fast and watchin' all the stuff zoom by, but I liked it. Wasn't sure where we was goin' anymore. No one was makin' much sense, seemed too excited. I don't do much travelin', it's easier to stick to Orga'mar-- nice and big with dumb citizens. Too bad most of the time they ain't got much gold on 'em. So anyways, the "Tram" stops and we hop off, and that's when I realized where we was. Stormwind.

I wasn't ready fa' that! So many humans... the white skin, the pretty hair, I SWEAR I was in a' alternate reality where Silvahmoon's fulla' chubby, short-eared elfies. Or conversely, a' Undercity where they ain't dead yet. Hmm, I guess that makes more sense. I wasn't ready at all. It was too much, and sorry ta' say but I bailed pretty hard afta' that. Used my Horde Brothers Radio Teleporter© to zip back home and take in a deep breath of that dusty desert home air, and then down a good amounta' beer at the inn. Uggo will understand. Hopefully he still pays me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why does he do this ta me... I gottan awkward time comin' up, 'cuz Uglyraz thinks I'mma die alone and unloved. So what! Maybe I wanna die alone. Me, Grallface, an' the boss did more explorin' yestahday but I couldn't think about nothin' else but what he said. Why's he gotta try an' change me? I see he's tryin' ta fix his speech-- good fa' him! Findin' lost books, readin' up on fancy old shit-- I'm so proud. But he ain't gonna drag me down with him! He's already draggin' me to places that are so crazy I never woulda' guessed they existed outside baby books. I don't need anyone to make me propah.

Anyways... I've nevah been good with boys. They know I'm just out fa' their money and they keep a tight hold on it. No fun at all. I haven't felt this sick in the pit of ma' stomach since I got the wind knocked outta me a few years ago afta' stealin' a tauren's fire totem. Man, that hurt! I barely know the guy, ya'know? I'm not lookin' fa' his money. This is... new, and I dun like it. Ugh, why does he hafta do this to me...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The following thoughts occur simultaneously within her head.

Ya BLEW it. Why'd ya scare 'im off like that? Ya just couldn' not be yaself for TEN MINUTES. No one will eva' want you, ya din' even shower like ya promised. You're oogly an' ya nose is huge. He was so bored he was nearly cryin', why couldntcha' actually do somethin' with ya life? Ya got nothin'. Just a scrawny-ass gob, pretendin' ya creations are worth somethin' and your skills ain't subpar. Pretendin' ya ain't worthless to a great orc like Ugraz, and equally as not worthless as the shaman ya scared away. Useless...

Why'd Ugraz do this ta me? I just wanna run away. I feel so small. He's so awesome. He's cool an' smart an' prolly rich. He could heal me up when I get the stuffin' knocked outta me. I'm so embarrassed.

I dun' need ANYBODY. I'm too good fa' anyone, jus' need myself, my gold, and my kodo. I'm Cheatah the Great! I can pick any pocket an' stab like the best of 'em. Fa'GET it. I'mma start improvin' maself. This will nevah happen again. I won' let it. I'mma get real strong an' then everyone will wish they hadda' piece a' this. YEAH. You'll all want a piece! Cheatah don't need NOBODY.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Man, since when has life been sucha' pain in tha ass? It's been foreva' since I spent tha night thievin', an' I hardly rememba' my old night route. Things've changed. People've moved. Blockades set. Locks replaced. I dunneven' know what I'm doin' anymore. An' instead, I been sucked inta' Uglyraz's world where he thinks I'mma be his little pet an' do everything he tells me ta. Well, I ain't. I changed so much this whole time, I dunneven' reca'nize myself. Since when does Cheatah worry 'bout shit like BOYS? An' since when have I been so worried 'bout politics and intrer... intrapersonal guild relationships? Sure, I'm workin' on becomin' a better fighta', but that's 'bout the only good thing I got comin' outta this. 'Cause ta'night, somethin' bad happened.

... I was at the duel club, bein' the boss-- er... Ugraz's cheer squad. Yeah yeah yeah, shut up. Eva' since Googlypatch split, I only see 'im around in crowds, but we're keepin' in touch through the mail. Yeah... cool story, right? So I been feelin' stupit' fa' even thinkin' somethin' good woulda come outta that. Kinda wish Uggo woulda' stayed outta my life fa' that one. So I went to the duel club just wantin' the thrilla' people knockin' the stuffin' outta each other. It clears ma' mind, y'know? It was crazy hectic, people were fightin' and arguin' and shoutin'. It was a great time. Grallface showed up halfway through, an' actually wanted ta participate. Hey, whateva' floats ya zeppelin, but hell no was I gonna get in the ring and lose ma teeth.

So Grallface went up against some Alliance that I swear I saw Uglyraz arguin' with one day-- I dunno the details, but I sure did call 'im a traitor real loud. Just doin' ma job. He was a supah strong death knight guy, scared the bajeezus outta me an' I could tell Grall wasn't lookin' forward to it. But when they started fightin', it was amazin'. Neither of 'em let up for what seemed like fa'ever. I watched 'im sneak around the human's rings of evil magic, outta sight, and stab 'im up like a real roguey rogue. He din' even stop fightin' when a buncha damn zombies appeared an' started chompin' on his flesh. MAN! So brave, so fearless, I just wanted ta watch him dance with that human all night.

In tha' end, Grallface lost to Altherion. But he looked so damn good out there. An'... I felt somethin'. Somethin' stirred in this lil' black heart a' mine that I haven't felt since tha' first time I held a gold coin in ma fingers. The weight, the smoothness, the glimmer. Not gon' lie, guys, I was enthralled. An' what did Uggo do? He embarrassed me an' yelled at me an' then I realized the truth. He was ma boss, but damn he was a control freak! I neva' saw him get so angry. He pulled Grallface away to talk in private, an' then there was fightin' and yellin'.. an'.. an' I was just done wit' it. It was too much ta handle. I wasn't cut out fa this kinda limelight. I wanna meld back inta the shadows an' let everyone fa'get I ever existed.

I want ma simple life back. Horde Brothers was fun, and the pay was mediocre, but I gotta get back to ma roots and worry 'bout maself. I can't take tha' pressure a' guilds an' missions an' relationships. I'm bound ta screw 'em up no matta' what Ugraz says 'bout it. I just ain't worth it, fellas. Sometimes I wondah' if these last few weeksa' been a giant joke, a prank played on yours truly. Maybe they was.

I'mma take ol' Crunchy an' head somewhere new, an' everyone can go back ta normal.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

...That plan kinda failed. Horribly.

I don' even wanna talk about it. Let's just say they found me an' I got a nice big concussion outta tha deal, and a lecture. I'm free ta leave if I want now, but Grallnah made it sound pretty appealin' to stay. Or at least, unappealin' ta leave. I'm just goin' through tha motions of who they expect me ta be. When thingsa' slow, I work on maself-- trainin', readin', even spendin' ma gold on a new alchemy set ta work on these shitty poisons I coat ma blades in. I swear, I don' even know if they work. I watched a homeless peon run up ta me and start lickin' ma blades like they was coated in candy. An' he din' even die! So yeah, that's some pretty good evah'dence against them workin' too good. So's I'm workin' on them and everythin' else.

I still wish I could go back ta how it used ta be... before I started carin' so much. Shoulda' neva let my guard down, even for a second. Now I feel like I gotta improve maself so much. I wish I could say it's only for maself. But it ain't. I wanna be betta' so all this shit was worth it fa' Ug and Grall. I wanna be betta' so maybe Grall will stop lookin' at me like a baby. An' maybe... I wanna betta' myself so someone awesome like Googlypatch will look at me an' think, "wowza, that's tha' gob I wanna bring home to momma!"

Why can't I stop carin'? I wish there was a way. Then stupid Grall and his lectures wouldn' sting so bad an' ring so true.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thingsa' finally gettin' back ta normal. Boss is bein' his usual awesome self and there's always a job ta do or a fight ta watch. Not sure how tha inn always seems ta clean itself up once we're through wit' it, 'cause we been crashin' it a lot lately. The otha night, Horde Bros totally took ova' the bar and made poor Rasha' leave. I don' care about the resta' the people, but Rasha's already pretty screwed up in tha face an' I feel kinda bad. Y'know? I mean, if my face was blown off I'd want some pity too. Or fa someone ta just end it fa me. Get it ova with already.

I felt brave enough ta try ma hand atta' duel taday, but man did I get whooped. I really oughtta' try duels in private, not in these crazy tournament thangs. Not even sure what it was, boss just loves 'portin' me all ova the place ta watch him kick ass. I'm glad I picked tha winnin' team, at least. I guess I wanted ta try an' impress Grall and Ug but it din't quite go so well. Ah well, they seemed excited fa me anyways. Whateva', someday I'll be fightin' fa real an' I'll surprise everyone. No one will suspect Cheatah 'til it's too late! Yeah... I just need some new dagga's. Gotta work on that.

I saw Googlypatch... he din't even say hi. Howsa' shy gob like that eva' gonna hook a gal? I din't even look at 'im. Mostly. I bet Uglyraz put 'im up ta apologizin' ta me... bah, anotha life perpetually run by the boss. How aggravatin'. Luckily, none a' that matters. Fa once in a long time, I'm... really, really happy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I FINALLY GOT ONE! Now, I'mma preface this by sayin' I don't believe in freebies-- sure, I'll take somethin' fa free from a friend, but I owe ya, ya know? I don't considah' many people ma friends, an' I really don't want ta take from 'em. If Uglyraz was tha one ta gimme this, I'da' been like GIMMEGIMMEGIMME. But Grallnah gave me a fancy new Heliocoptah in a box! I din' even know he was inta that sorta thing-- or maybe he bought it fa me? At the riska' soundin' SO typical, I love a man wit' gold. Not that... I love Grallnar or anything, L-O-L who woulda suggest sucha' crazy thing? Pshh, just 'cause I wanna smell his sweaty orc skin afta' a fight an' sit close enough just ta hear him breathe... mm.. hm.. wait, what? Uhh... s'anyways, I finally said goodbye ta Crappy McShitmount ma wyvern. I'm finally flyin' at a respectable speed AN' I don't hafta clean up afta this one! Now I just gotta replace Crunchy witha' robot Kodo and I'm good ta go.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's been a while since I sat down ta collect ma thoughts like this. I said it bafore an' I'll say it again, I changed. All this time wit' Uglyraz, I changed. Or... maybe it isn't his fault. Maybe I just grew up. There's a chance this only happened 'cuz I got ripped from home an' tossed ass-side up in a strange new world. Maybe I let go a' that hold Kezan had ova' my heart. It hurts ta think about home now. Insteada' revelin' in the joy that lifestyle once gave me, I feel... pain. It was hard livin' like that. I took Orga'mar fa granted all this time. I took ma friends an' my life an' my meagah' savin's fa granted. I feel pretty awful about alla' it now.

I got some alone time with Grallnah taday an' I tried ta form words from these thoughts flyin' aroun' my head like the flies on Crunchy's butt. I think he knows exactly how I'm feelin', an' from what he told me, he's feelin' sorta simila'. He wants ta go back home, an' I want a new home. I wanna go an' explore, an' see what hasn't been seen yet. An' when he said he's been thinkin' 'bout returnin' ta Outland... well, I'da' gone with him even if he said he was goin' home to Thousan' Needles or Storm Peaks. I'd folla' him anywhere, but luckily I really do wanna go.

I hope boss won't hate me too much. I know he gave me a second chance ta stay with Horde Bros, but I gotta respectfully bow out. I don' care about politics an' blind dates an'... gold, I don' even really care about gold anymore. Tha Horde taught me what honor an' strength are all about an' I wanna see what else the world can teach me.

I just gotta figyah' out how ta tell him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Still haven't found tha time ta tell Ugraz what's up, I haven't even seen tha guy in a while. It's kinda my fault I guess, I been out an' about gettin' ready to hit tha road and neva' look back. But I guess old habits die hard, 'cuz I got offa'd a "job" an' I took it. It didn't even seem that bad ta be honest, just a simple sneak in, find a list of participatah's, an' get outta there. Easy peasy, right? Well, I shoulda' realized from tha start that it wasn't gonna be that easy, especially since tha elf that offa'd me the job didn't seem quite right ta begin with. Maybe it was just dark in tha alley, but man I couldn't see anything but armah and green blood elfy eyes behind a full helm. Ho hum. She also had tha WORST posture I eva' saw, an' ya I saw some Forsaken before.

So's I did my research an' did some eavesdroppin' at the inn an', well, okay, I looked up and down an' all around fa this place. Took forEVA' and I had to go miles an' miles underground, past scary demon guards. If that wasn't bad enough, she didn' tell me it was some creepy-ass meetin' of all the creepo warlocks that live on Azeroth. I nearly bolted at first sight, but the elf was offerin' more gold than Ugraz would give me in the rest a' my life. Insteada' dreamin' a' all the gadgets and jewels an' shit I coulda bought, I couldn' help but thinka' buyin' a place in Outland wit' Grallface an'... maybe livin' some kinda normal life. Blagh. What's wrong with me?! Even thinkin' back on that I sound stupid.

Anyway, needless ta say, I guess I tripped some kinda protection device or whatever magical shit these 'locks were sportin' an' some big ol' octopus demon caught me through my stealthin'. I din't manage ta steal a single thing! I didn't even see any kinda "log" wit' all their names, I just reca'nized one of the blood elves from the inn. An' maybe that creepy troll who doesn't talk much. Everyone else was new an' mad at me an' I nearly peed myself when they came ova. Thought maybe I'd charm 'em, ya know, play it cool an' say I was in tha neighbahood... naw, din't work too great. They looked a bit murd'rous an' I wasn't about ta throw away my new future wit' Grallface just for tha thrilla' full pockets.

I managed to smoke bomb it outta there and I ran fasta than I eva did, but now I'm too scared ta show up at the inn. Luckily I'm gettin' outta here soon enough, but fa now, I don' feel safe. An' I prolly ain't gettin' paid, unless the elf accepts physical descriptions ova' actual names. Doubt it...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Urgh. Whatta warm welcome back to Orga'mar. I swear that fat bear poppta lung a' somethin'.

Yea, I finally left Outland fa' good. Can I just tell ya somethin', though? That place is BORIN'. Nothin' eva' seems ta happen in Garada'. Shattrat' is calm an' fulla' blue Alliance fellas and Terraka' Forest is just bugs. Lotsa bugs. Geez louise! Of course I'd wanna get outta there. Things din' really go as I had planned-- sa' let's just leave it at that.

I came back ta Orga'mar an' settled inta the inn to figyah out how I was gonna afford food an' whatnot. Then I remembah'd I'll just take it all, hahaha! So I was just sittin' there, an' bam! This fat bear starts talkin'. I dunno if some hunta' has tha world's smartest pet or what, but man it was fat. So so fat. Five pounda sausage inna 2 pound bag y'know? Anywho, she tried ta stop a duel between a cow lady and a scary troll. Who does she think she IS?! My first day back an' I was gonna get ta watch a fight! See some blood! But nah, fat bear (or was it a raccoon? Nah, too big I think) kept tryin' ta stop 'em. So I lightly poked 'er wit' a knife. BAM! She was cryin' and whinin' an' then she sat on me. YEA! Her fat arse musta' broke like all ma' ribs, I swear I'mma kick her bear butt next time I eva' find her. She's just lucky Grallna' wasn't here.. to..

Nevahmind, but yea that's exactly how it went down. Don' let her fool ya. I think 'er name was "Jojo".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

Sign in to follow this