Konro

Shokkra's Journal.

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((DISCLAIMER THERE'S MORE SWEARING AND UNKIND AND VERY UNLADYLIKE WORDS IN THIS ONE))

Well last night was fun. For the most part anyway. Good outweighs the bad and all that. I saw Lohd, briefly. He said he had to work on his connection to the Dream or something. Said he needed my help even though he didn’t know what needed to be done. I agreed, of course. I still don’t know what he expects of me, but I have to try to help him. I owe him that much. Afterwards there was some Alliance trouble back at the Cantina. Only a couple of them, warrior and a paladin. Took care of them easily enough. T’suro was there too. The Commander finally promoted him to Guardian, so he’s a full member now. Still a chump though, against me anyway. As compensation for the beat-down I asked him if he wanted to bang. Apparently little Sparkleshine is, er, was a virgin. He never thought about it before because elves live for so long. Made me laugh, figured someone with all his bravado would’ve hit that before. Craziest part of it is that he agreed, though he did complain about wanting it to be special and stuff. I told him we could light candles and throw rose petals around the bed. I said we didn’t have to if he wasn’t into it, but he still agreed so I grabbed a bottle of wine from Tahz and met him back at the Garrison. Had to use his room because I had lent mine to a troll girl I got drunk last night. Wasn’t that bad honestly. He’s definitely got a long way to go, but I’ve had worse. So this morning I got to have breakfast with a hungover troll druid and a shellshocked Blood Knight. I’m pretty damn happy with myself.

What else did I do… Oh, me and Dora had a midnight picnic in Nagrand. I showed her my stitches, which I’ll get into later, and she told me a secret about Porkbun. Apparently the little bear wants to know how to have sex. Which is fucking hilarious for the record. She went to Dora for some reason, even though I’m pretty sure the extent of Dora’s knowledge is paladin position. I said she should bring her to the Fiend’s Den and watch me work, Dora was not a fan of this idea. I stand by it though, learn through example, heh. She really loves it out there, in Nagrand. I do too, the long blades of grass on rolling hills, the howling wind echoing through the canyons, the rushing water cutting through the earth, it’s beautiful. I don’t love it just for that though, it’s my ancestral home. Nagrand has always been Warsong land, whether it’s on this Draenor or Outland. Hopefully when everything’s over and people can finally settle down for good, I can build a house out there, in the style of my ancestors. I’d love that. I could live by hunting Clefthoof and Talbuk, grow my own garden beside it, fish in the river, sleep on the open fields and the elemental bluffs, make love under the st-

It’ll be years before any of that can happen. I’m getting ahead of myself. Onto the next thing, I went treasure hunting in Feralas with a map some random Goblin gave me. A couple other people showed up, Nero or whoever and Nanori I think her name was. There was nothing on land, and we were at a beach so we ran around then stripped down and went for a swim. Nero found part of a Titan tablet in the sand, so then we dug around in the water, fighting crabs until we got most of it completed. The elf thinks he knows where to go for the weapon that was mentioned in it stone, should be more loot there too so that should help Sanctuary out somewhat. Anything we can use to fight the Legion, right? We were supposed to go find that a couple days ago but it was postponed, soon though hopefully. After they left I found a nice troll girl on the beach and had some fun under the sun before going back to base.

I saw Aaren a couple days ago. We were hanging out in the bar most of the night with Kex’ti and a few other people, drinking and having fun like normal. Then, right after Kex’ti left, Aaren came over to me, grabbed my hair and broke a fucking bottle on my face. She didn’t hit me with the bottle, she didn’t break it over the top of my head or on the back, she broke the bottle ON my face, that fucking whore. Such a fucking bitch. She’s so FUCKING stupid. It was about that half-breed whore Vionora’s pregnancy bullshit. That was fucking weeks ago and Aaren just finds out now and decides that she has to break a fucking bottle on my face. And of course nobody fucking gives a shit. If I had done that to Aaren everyone would have jumped to their feet and beat me to the ground but when she does it they do NOTHING. They just fucking stand there and Nero starts to throw a couple shitty healing spells at me. Those motherfuckers. Even Gunheya doesn’t do anything, he just stands there like a fucking idiot and asks her what that was for, which she answered like the bitch she is as “She knows why”. Fuck her. Fuck her to hell. That fucking cunt. I should’ve killed her. Crushed her head between my hands and left her skull a bloody broken pulp. I didn’t, of course because as soon as I fucking retaliated for having my FACE CUT OPEN they all fucking jumped to her fucking defense like she was a real fucking priestess.

What do I get for attacking the person who put a huge fucking gash on my face and shoving glass in my mouth? Gun fucking stabs me in the forearm, beats the back of my head with a blackjack SEVERAL FUCKING TIMES, stabs a fucking taser into my neck, Nero tries to break my FUCKING SPINE with the the pommel of his axe and Aaren mind fucks me. Those fucking bastards. Who the fuck do they think they are? It’s such a fucking double-standard. Aaren attacks me in the middle of a bar, rending my face and cutting it open in full view of everyone, they do nothing. I launch myself at her, they rush to her fucking defense. Can’t fucking believe this shit. I thought they were my fucking friends. I fucking TRUSTED Aaren. I would’ve given my life to protect that fucking whore. I trusted Gun too, he was my friend and he was my wingman and this is how he fucking treats our friendship. I fucking hate them. I’m done with them. Aaren can deal with all her shit without me, without Sanctuary. Once I tell Kex’ti you can be damn sure she won’t be welcome anywhere near the fucking base. She lost way more than just a fucking friend because of this. I’m keeping this fucking scar. To remind myself of what she fucking did to me, a constant reminder of what trusting her got me. It fucking hurts. She was the first to believe in me. That I could be something better. And now she does this. I’m gonna be a hell of a lot more fucking selective on who my friends are from now on. I should fucking thank her. From now on, only the people I KNOW I can trust will I let myself get close to.

This is a joke. This is all a joke. :)

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Alright FUCK. Okay. So okay. Motherfucker. Argh. Fucking ridiculous I’m so fucking stupid. I’m just fucking setting myself up to get fucking hurt I know it I fucking know it. It’s like what happened with fucking Lohd but way fucking worse and with someone I fucking spend fucking time with all the fucking time. It isn’t a distant fucking thing that I have to deal with once every couple fucking weeks or some shit. It isn’t a fucking thing I never see or never get the chance to really know. No this is fucking close. It’s so, fucking, close. She’s so close. She’s there. She’s always right there next to me. Every time I feel afraid, I lose control, I doubt myself, I give up or I fuck it all around she’s there for me. Every single fucking time ever since I met her she’s been there. She’s been with me. Through all of it. She helped me deal with whatever it is I thought I had with Lohd. She got me through the Quorum, and became my friend. She stood by me when I did really dumb stupid shit and talked to me like NO ONE else did about it. She fucking cares about me. I fucking care about her. More than I’ve fucking cared about anyone since- since I don’t know when. The closest fucking thing I can think of is Kragra or fuck maybe Telerian’s family. I don’t fucking know. And she’s still more important to me than them. I fucking failed them. I won’t let that happen to her. I won’t fail her. This time, I WILL die before I fail her. She’s the most fucking important thing to me I can think of. I’ve never felt like this about fucking anyone before. She- I don’t know why or how she puts up with me. I’ve done stupid shit and said stupid things and not once has she wavered in her commitment to me. In her care or any of that other shit. She’s my best fucking friend.

The best fucking friend I’ve ever had or ever will fucking have and I’ll fuck it all up if I don’t keep my fucking mouth shut. I won’t let that happen. Can’t let that happen. Too damn important for me to fuck it up with my shit. By the elements. I must sound fucking crazy. Maybe I am. Heh. At least we’re crazy together. Stupid, crazy, badasses. The Maw and the *blank*. Really need to find a kickass nickname for her. Get her into some crazy fights and shit. Go on great adventures. Swim the depths of the South Sea and brave the Northern mountains. It all sounds kinda stupid. But with her, it feels like, everything is possible. She’s just so twittery and happy and optimistic. It’s so fucking welcome among the shitstorm we call the Horde. Most of the time I have to deal with brooding Death Knights, insane Assassins, bloodthirsty Blackrock, double-sided tauren. Shit like that. Just a few select people that I really trust and appreciate. Dora, she’s the top of the damn list though. She tells me all the time how inspiring I am to her. Kinda hard to believe honestly. That I would ever inspire anyone like that. To be honest it’s kinda fucking amazing. It doesn’t make any sense. A Blood Elf girl who grew up fighting time-dragons and fucking with the timeways and battling against an unforgiving enemy before coming to our world and becoming an officer in Borrowed Time, she chose me to be her best friend. Me! Shokkra fucking Deathrage! The beast of Sanctuary, the Shock of War, the Legionnaire of the Kor’kron, the Raider of the Warsong Clan. Dora Arath’dorei chose me as her best fucking friend. I’m so fucking lucky for that. She’s so fucking inspiring to me. I mean, she deals with me! She talks to me and understands me and just like, gets me like no one else. Hell I’ve spent more time with her in the past couple months than I ever have with the Commander or Lohd or most of Sanctuary! The only person who I might’ve spent as much time with recently is Kex’ti. She’s so crazy and stupid and just fucking, addicting. Everything about her just pulls me in. Fucking damnit I love that girl.

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I’ll start going over all the stuff that’s been going on the past while. First thing to talk about is… Dora, again. Fuck me. Alright, anyway. After a night of fighting with the Grim in the Battlegrounds, the Battlemaster saw fit to promote me to Stone Guard. Stone Guard Shokkra. Damn good fucking title there. I told Dora we should celebrate and we did the next day. I met her on the cliffs overlooking Orgrimmar, by the waterfall I think. She said she was proud of me and so glad that I was her friend and she gave me the nicest fucking gift I’ve ever fucking gotten in my entire fucking life. A pendant of an old bullet casing, the one Dora used to take down her first big game. Inside was a bloodstone that signifies “friendship forged through war” if I remember right. My name was etched onto the front of the shell and hers was etched onto the back. It was just a fucking honor for her to give me that. I know it meant a lot to her and that she would present it as a gift, to me, was amazing. Could’ve fucking kissed her for that. I didn’t, because, you know, uh, reasons. After that we went on a beer run of Outland, kinda. We stopped at a couple places. I wore my green dress because I fucking love that dress and we were just hanging out anyway and I maybe wanted to look good for her but maybe not because feelings are complicated and ANYWAY I think she liked me in the dress. We grabbed Cherry Grog, Ogre Brews, a bunch of different stuff. It was pretty fun. A few days later we went to the hotsprings in Gorgrond and tanned and swam and all that stuff. It was cool, we talked about our lives and like, how much we cared about each other. She said something like “I’m so happy I’m your friend.” Which I am too. I don’t even know where I might be right now without Dora. Probably depressed and super fucking stressed out about the Legion. But that can wait.

Next I’ll go over Karthok’s shit. Fucking idiot. He joined the Grim, is sending letters to Borrowed Time and APPARENTLY they’re going to send the crazy motherfucker after me for his final fucking trial. Whenever that is. I can’t believe the fucking idiot. I don’t even see why he would join the fucking Grim. Too many fucking rules for him. Or hell, maybe not since they’re blatantly sending their supplicants after other Horde now they’ve gone over the fucking deep end. Wouldn’t fucking surprise me. Fucking insane cult undead cult bastards. They think that just fucking because they’re the fucking Grim that they’re above everyone else’s rules and opinions and all that shit. Felfucking damnit we need to fucking deal with the fuckers. Prove that their bullshit won’t save them anymore and that they’re just as fucked as the rest of us. Maybe fuckin’ challenging their command to duels and winning in front of their fucking cult would be enough. Maybe not. Either way it would be good to spill some Grim blood and prove they’re not immortal. Until then I guess I’ll just keep dealing with their shit and beating their asses into the dust. The fucking balls on them to think that they can send assassins to kill other members of the Horde. Imagine if the fucking Warchief found out. Or hell, maybe even their Commander. I fucking doubt Awatu would be okay with this shit. If he is then he’s just as bad as the rest of them. Should have a fucking chat with the fucker sometime soon. Tell him allll about the shit his guild, and more specifically Syreena, get up to because I’m sure as shit they don’t tell him. Since I basically just have to fucking wait for Karthok’s trials to be ready and for him to come after me, I’ve been training a lot. I’ll keep training until the Legion gets here. Build more muscle, sharpen my skills, repair my armor and maybe make some new plate. I should be safe in Sanctuary, at least.

Ugh. What else. What else what else what else. Hrm. Well I’ve been talking with Kerala more. I like her. She said she might call on me to help her with something sometime soon. Kinda sounded ominous and not really thought out but if I can help her I will, even if she is with the fucking deadite. What e- Oh fucking right. My fucking dad. That fucking undead sack of shit. Bastard who showed up out of fucking nowhere after half my fucking life. I don’t know why he even fucking bothered. What did he expect, that I would welcome him? Fuck that. I broke his jaw and I hope I never see the fucker again. I might fucking kill him if I do. The fucking gall of the bastard. He just fucking disappeared and never heard anything from him for fucking years. Says he got captured by an Alliance patrol and decided not to come back after being freed from the Internment camps. That me, Karthok and mom would be able to deal with all the shit by ourselves. We fucking did too. Stronger than we ever would have fucking been if he had been around. Mom lost her arm to a fucking thresher crossing the ocean, Karthok went insane and I became a hardened fucking badass bred through war. You know I’m glad the fucker left. He didn’t fucking deserve us he DOESN’T fucking deserve us. If mom knew she’d kill him. Again. He told me he fought with the Horde until Northrend, where he got cut down by the Scourge and the Lich King raised him as a Death Knight. Now he doesn’t even fight for the Horde, he just does whatever the shit the Ebon Blade asks him to do. Weak fucking bastard. Hiding from fighting to do shit for a bunch of deadite fucks and the Crusade. Motherfucker. Because I really needed this shit to deal with along with all the fuckery going on right now. Son of a fucking bitch.

Finally, I’ll talk about what me and Dora did yesterday. I’d gotten info that a mercenary zeppelin had been taken down in Dragonblight. I figured that these were the fucker’s new hunting grounds and I brought my shit along with me for a fight. Told Dora about the location and set up before she got there. Good thing I found all that fuckin’ horse meat in the cellars. Proto-Drake pheromones were way fuckin’ harder to get, had to buy them off a shady sumbitch in the sewers. Worked really fucking well. Soon as I opened the chest the winged bastard was on his way. Dora set up traps and brought Galika with her so we had an air advantage too. Motherfucker was fast, swooped down and grabbed the chest before we could react. Dora’s trap tripped the fucker up for a couple minutes though, let us light the bastard up with incendiary and concussive rounds. Once it got free it managed to torch us pretty well, Galika got a bit roughed up but tore at the fucker’s throat. Got it down on the ground and tried to grab my shield when it torched my back again. That fucking hurt. Stabbed it a few times, it tore my shield apart in its jaws and did my arm in pretty well too. Broke a couple ribs with his wings. Glad I took the worst of it though while Dora and Galika fucked him up. Would’ve fuckin’ beat myself up if Dora had gotten the shit kicked out of her. But she didn’t, and the bastard went down like a fuckin’ log on the snow. I had the grunts take him to the sewers and after some healing from Kex’ti, Dora and I went down to coast in Grizzly Hills. We talked a lot about a lot of stuff. It was… really nice. She told me about Karthok going after Borrowed Time and Shaelie leaving the Grim and all that shit. Once we got past all that, it was actually really fucking relaxing. Took my mind off all the shit going on, even if it was just for the night. The sky was beautiful and the northern lights danced a brilliant green by the stars. I loved it. Dora laid down and put her head on my lap, and I brushed her hair and we talked about each other and nicknames and just like, stupid shit. Dora started to fall asleep and I scootched down next to her, still brushing her hair before wrapping my arms around her nearly unconscious form. She moved in closer to me and I moved closer to her. It was- I just wanted to- ugh. I don’t know. I don’t fucking know. Look it was just, it was intimate, you know? We fell asleep there, on the coast of Grizzly Hills under the dancing sky. If I could’ve just, stayed there, in that moment for the rest of my damn life with Dora. She was so fuckin’ beautiful in the moonlight. The way the waves reflected onto her hair and covered her in like, a fuckin’ glow. I- argh. Nevermind. Felfucking damnit I hate that I love that girl so much.

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*The pages on which the journal entry is written are stained with tears and crumpled up a bit, as if someone had held them tightly in their hand for a long while. What was once part of a larger entry has been mostly scratched and scribbled out, and what remains is in heavy Orcish script. At the bottom of the page are a few solitary words, written normally as the rest of Shokkra's journals have been.*

I love you, Dora Arath'dorei. 

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You know, it’s times like this that I wish I had a voice recorder or a holotape or some shit. Get the emotion out, you know? Bah, this is fine. This is fine.

 

Alright, so. Fuck. Okay. I helped Dora with an assignment she was working on. Defending the brothel from a demon hunter named Lahzio. Apparently Cobrak killed him a few years back. Didn’t work, not that I’m surprised. The bastard’s been killing people in Dalaran. Alliance spellcasters. Turned into shriveled husks. Stirring up more hatred for the Horde in Dalaran. Because there wasn’t enough of that already. Dora was in the street with this timeline’s version of her’s cat. Petsitting, she said. She told me about her extremely unreliable team and I planned out what she could do with that. She seemed surprised, Shokked. Hehe. She said it helped a lot that I was helping her, took a huge weight off her shoulders. I’m happy I could do that for her. She’s got enough shit to worry about without demon hunters and sha. So after we walked the streets for a while we went to the Filthy Animal and talked some more about life and timelines and what we would tell our younger selves and love and-

 

Love songs. Despite being completely uninterested in the idea as a kid, the love songs and marriage songs in the Clan were always my favorite. They always had so much emotion behind them. Every note was meaningful and special to the couple. It was beautiful to see them sing and dance and kiss and hug and everything. That’s something I’ve really missed. Hell I haven’t even been to a wedding since the caves. Wonder if Nath and Baal will get married. I bet they’d invite me. Heh, that’d be fun as hell. Out in their cabin in Grizzly Hills. Grizzly Hills. Lot of memories of that place. I started my training for the Kor’kron in the pit. I fought with Konro and the 37th there. I defended my brother against Borrowed Time and Voidblade and the Horns. I spent an eternity of the Nightmare there. I killed Kex’ti and Breygrah and Cobrak and Konro and my brother and Telerian over and over and over in the pit. I killed them in every possible way with every weapon at my disposal. But, the thing I remember most, my favorite memory even if it is recent, is talking with Dora under the stars. The lights of Northrend dancing above us, the smell of the sea and the pine intermingling, the feel of the grass under my feet and the warm furs that covered Dora. I can’t even remember what we were talking about, heh, probably how stupid we both are. Gods, I- fuck. I’m tearing up. Fucking damnit. I don’t want to die.  I don’t want to leave behind everyone and everything I love. It’s so fucking final. Once you die, you’re gone. Everything keeps moving without you. Damn dying a glorious death it’s better to live and keep fighting as long as you can. Keep believing, keep hoping what you do makes a better fucking world for everyone you love.

 

Fucking elves. They’ll live for six hundred years or more after I die. Kex’ti and Julilee will have more children and raise their family under the Sanctuary banner, Cerryan will build a fucking church in Dalaran or wherever the hell Sanctuary ends up, Aaren will find someone to spend her life with or fucking write a book of priestly memoirs. Rayfeather, Ama and Ms Arath’dorei will help raise each others families and have a fucking loving relationship like they already do. Rylie will- is she a half-elf? Or human, or is she elven? Bah, she’ll still live longer than me and have her own little Rylies running around for Kex’ti to cook for. Eive will end up a great swordswoman and probably ending up Secretary-Badass for Lor’themar or something. Heh, T’suro will probably become a high-ranking member of the Thalassian military. Dora- *the name was scratched out, erased, and rewritten several times* You know what? Who gives a fuck. Who gives a fucking shit about the future. There’s no fucking point in dwelling on it. We live in the fucking present. Everything we do matters in the here and now and that’s fucking it. I live now, I love now, I fight now, I know now. I live now.

 

So why in all that is holy have I not told Dora? There have been so many times where all I wanted to do was feel her lips against mine, to look into those bright green eyes and just fucking tell her how I FEEL. Just to fucking see her face makes all the fucking shit go away. She’s so bright and bubbly and fucking CUTE when she’s excited or passionate about something. She is so feldamned unique when it comes to anyone I’ve met. I’ve never seen so much unbridled, pure positivity even in the face of so much danger. She can always crack a joke or smile when everything else is grim. She has such a great desire for peace that blows even the most stalwart members of Sanctuary out of the water. Not once not fucking ONCE have I seen her raise even her fist in anger. Hell the only times I’ve seen her fire her gun are tonight and when we fought Fury or Lahzio. She’s so fucking caring too. Even when I’m a fucking bitch she’s there to talk to me and patch my wounds and make me feel like everything’s going to be okay. Not once has she stormed off because she was angry or told me to fuck off or even like, lectured me. She just wants us to talk through the problems we’ve had and we do and it all works out.

 

You know I see now why whenever I’ve talked about Dora lately people have asked if we were a thing. Heheee. Probably one of the best things I heard out of Julilee. “She doesn’t swing that way orrrr…” HEEE. She is the best. Just the fucking best Commander. So fucking happy I can call her that. That she’s let me stay in Sanctuary even after all the shit I’ve pulled. It- it shows how much she cares, you know? How much she really wants me to be better. How much she believes in peace and justice and ME. Damn good fighter too with that shield of hers. Gah, didn’t she have a name for her sword? Glory or something? It’s a damn wicked sword too. Fuckin’ badass. I partly modeled the sword I made for Dora after it. I wonder if she’ll name it. “Wing’s Talon” or something. That’d be cool. Just that she liked the weapons was cool. I felt like a little girl giving her crush a flower. Which was, you know, kinda what I was doing. Only the flower was a deadly set of a saber and dagger that could slice through flesh like butter. It’s kinda weird. I made the blades so that Dora could use them to defend herself but I’d prefer if nothing got close enough that she would have to use them. Feels weird.

 

You know, I feel so fucking bad for Eiverlyn. I just want her to be happy so fucking badly. She’s just so fucking sad and just fills the fucking pit with wine and beer and cider. She just fucking sits alone in her apartment at night and drinks by herself. Gods I hope she finds a girl to drink with. Hell I hope she finds a girl that will stop her drinking. I felt so bad for her when she hugged me after Dora left tonight. She just started crying and squeezing me and beating her fist against my chest while she sobbed. All I could do was wrap my arms around her snd hold her  and cry too. She said me and Dora were fucking idiots. That it didn’t take professional training to know what was there. That to see two people deny their feelings for one another is insulting to those that don’t have it. That… that she was angry that I let it walk away. Fucking damnit. Gods fucking damnit. *tear stains mark the paper at this point, the paper crumpled and withered* She, she fucking said that I should fight for it. That I should fucking convince her. That I was the sweetest orcess she ever FUCKING MET. *oh jeez way more tear stains* I said I didn’t know how to fucking do that. I didn’t know how to show her or tell her that I loved her. FUCK. *there’s a sizable rip in the paper* And… and Eive said to just say it. That while I’m gone for the few weeks that I am, to tell myself that I love her and when I get back to- to tell her. Don’t hold back. To remember how much I missed her and, and how much she made me smile and blush to think of being with her. Eive said that at least one of us should be happy, to not be dumb anymore unless I was being dumb together with her. That might be the best advice I’ve ever fucking gotten in my life. Like, fuck man. I’ll write every day if I can to Dora and Eive. I’ll convince her, and stuff. Then, when I get back, I’ll tell her. I’ll tell Dora everything and not hold back. I might as well, right? Gotta make the best of your fucking life while you got it.

 

You know if someone ever finds this and reads this my cred as a badass orc killer with nerves of steel and a heart of cold hard iron is completely going in the trash.

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Right. Alright.

Fuck...

The hunt went badly. We joined up with Draenei vindicators and priests to kill the rest of the Shadow Council that got away from us in Taanan, recruiting more along the way. We tracked them. They laid a trap. We fell for it. Everyone is dead. None of the Howling Reavers now remain except for me. I haven't got any word from Vorniinov so I'm assuming they're all dead too. Some might've got away, ran to Karabor. One or two. Not like they'd tell me though. I got scared. There was so much blood. So many ashes. Husks. I ran. I don't know for how long. I just know that I wound up at the gates of the Arath'dorei manor. I broke the gate, walked up. The servants were scared of me and scattered. I pounded on the door. Ms. Arath'dorei, Isadore and... and Dora, greeted me there. I say greeted but it's not like they rolled out the red carpet or anything. Dora got the servants to get towels and bandages and shit. She took me to the Mageroyal room. Purple everything. Funny isn't it? I told them none of the blood was mine. I hadn't been injured in the fighting. Not a scratch. Dora sent the servant away. She helped get me out of my armor, ran me a bath. I stripped and got in. She washed the blood from my hair. I can't remember what we were talking about. I just remember starting to cry and reaching my arms around Dora's back. I pulled her close, and I whispered in her ear "I love you, Dora." and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. I'd told her that I loved her before. We both had. But... this time I think she got it. Something finally clicked in her head or something. Maybe something did in mine too. Maybe I said it differently. Whatever, however it happened, she pulled her head back and looked into my eyes. She told me that she loved me too, and she kissed me. On the lips. Nothing else mattered right then. Not the Legion, not demons or Sanctuary or the Grim or dragons or dreadlords or gods of the hunt. No Nightmares. Just... her. I told myself then that no matter what happened, I wouldn'tThat was the happiest moment of my life. In an elven tub, red with the blood of my friends and naga and demons. Love's a hell of a thing.

She got me dressed in her spare workclothes. They barely fit me, but they worked. She smuggled me over to her room and we snuck into her bed. We didn't have sex or anything like that, we just lay there in each other's arms, kissing each other and telling each other about our stupid love filled selves. We drifted off under the covers. In the morning we snacked quick and talked about what happened on the hunt before having breakfast proper with the rest of the family. I made nice with Ms. Arath'dorei and Isadore. Phyruss not so much but, eh, he can go fuck himself. Me and Dora hung out for some more that day and the next. I walked in on her crying. Nok sent a letter apparently. She said she missed him and all this other shit. I told her that she should figure out whether or not I was just another person she was going to leave when she got bored. I slammed the door and left. I left one last letter for her and headed out with my stuff. I cried the whole way leaving. I felt like such a bitch but I knew she had to hear that shit otherwise... things might just end up hurting me more. I just hunted demons. Even when I got called to the Shore most of it was a blur. I know the traitor died. I know King Wrynn died. The Legion will pay for that. I believe that Warchief Sylvanas will lead us through this darkness of the Legion. Orders are sending me to Stormheim. Fuck.

I can't get her off my mind. We talked when I got back and she said that right now we can't be anything more than friends. That she needs to figure herself out. That hurt. A lot. I understand what she needs though, and I told her I'd wait for her. I will. I've been slaughtering as many demons as I can, keeping my mind occupied, being angry. Just to keep her out of my head. I miss her, and not being able to... be real with her, it's hard. Ever since I met her, I felt like she was the only person I could really be myself around. Everything else tries to suppress me or fuck with me somehow. With her, I'm just me. Not doing that is fucking killing me inside. I've been snapping at everyone. Getting angry at people easier. Vilmah fucking Bloodborne came back and within the first few days I'm already on her bad side. Fucking hell. I'm such a fucking bitch. I'm so fucking stupid.

----------------------------------------------

The Commander has assigned me and T'suro to a diplomatic mission to the Alliance. Apparently a caravan attacked Stonard before being fended off. I've contacted Katelle Larmont of the Twilight Empire. We're coordinating things now. I'll have to take T'suro to Stonard so we can hear the people's demands there. I hope this goes well. If I do this right, I might be promoted.

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Two months. Great job keeping up with the fucking journal. So much shit has happened too, motherfucker. Been a fucking clusterfuck the last two fucking months. Fucking deployed to the fucking Broken Isles, got fucking promoted to fucking head of Sanctuary’s defense team or whatever the fuck, took the title Commissar for it. Fucking… a lot of shit, went down with Dora. A lot of shit I wish I could take back, or fix or something. There’s the fucking nightmare corruption shit going on at the guild hall, all of fucking Bloodborne’s bloodsworn came back or some shit, Baern is running a fucking herd of tauren fuckers that seem to only ever deal with his shit, which I don’t fucking trust. Started attacking the Emerald Nightmare too, clearing out the corruption for strike teams to end the monsters inside. There’s a fucking masquerade in a couple days. Karthok and me fought and he blew up my fucking room, I saw fucking Lohd in a fucking dream or some shit. I think most of the fucking officers hate me, at least Baern and Vilmah. Don’t fucking trust them, with their little groups of subordinates that seem to be loyal to them first, the Commander and Sanctuary second. With that shit in mind, I’m going to try to bring my own little pack of wolves together. Right now I have an Illidari, Vheena. After her trial, I should know if I can use her against those bastards if I need to. But, fuck I should probably actually fucking start somewhere and go down the timeline for all the fucking shit I have to fucking deal with.

First, me and sparklefuckingshitfuckmotherfuckingelfpieceofwhelpshit got in touch with Stonard and General Katelle of Twilight Empire. I went over the demands with Stonard and got them down from murdering fucking everyone in the Cup and Blade Caravan to just a pound of flesh and then a shit ton of money and supplies and all that kind of shit. We went to Katelle about it, she accepted and said she would talk to Tuuroto or whoever the fuck about it. Haven’t fucking heard anything about it since, maybe I’ll fucking look into that and make sure the fucker didn’t decide that the deal wasn’t fair. I submitted a report to the Commander and she seemed to be happy about it. Good enough for me.

Then I fucking got into a fight with fucking Khorvis, beat the fucking shit out of him and stabbed him in the gut with his own dagger. Gave that to the Commander. Haven’t seen him or any of the Grim really since then. Fuckers are probably scared of me, I beat their big dick fucking High Inquisitor one on one. Come at me you sons of bitches. The same night I got attacked by fucking spirit raptors or some shit, tore through my armor like it wasn’t there. Haven’t seen raptors again since then, maybe I tore their spirits apart of whatever. Regardless I’ve been working on relying less on my armor since then, I can fight without it. Though why the fuck would I, going into battle without armor is one of the dumbest fucking things you can do. Fucking blademaster fucking idiots, why the fuck do they think they’re nearly all dead.

Next we attacked the fucking Broken Isles. Fucking Alliance fucking attacked Warchief Sylvanas off the coast of Stormheim like the fucking cunts they are. Some people are still fucking trying to justify their actions or shit treasonous bull from their asses against the Warchief. Traitorous mongrels, they’re only loyal to something when it suits them. They should have died years ago. If they ever try to take action on their shit, I will end them. Hell, maybe I’ll fucking report them to the Forsaken anyway, watch them get dragged off into the night to never be fucking heard from again. There’s no room for traitors at times like this, no room for doubt. You’re either with the fucking world, or against it. Being insubordinate to the Warchief doesn’t fucking help anyone except for the Alliance and the Legion. Hellscream’s axe I hate them. Legion is active all over the Isles, infested a clan in Stormheim, a tribe in Highmountain, all of Valshara is basically fucking corrupted and the naga are fucking with shit in Azsuna. Then there’s fucking Suramar which is a fucking clusterfuck of the Legion and fucking elves because we really fucking needed more fucking elves obsessed with fucking magic and shit. City’s fucking gorgeous though, and the women are kinda fucking hot. Like a fucking mix between blood elf features and night elf colours. Perfect combifuckingnation.

So a little fucking after that me and a few other people were promoted to Myrmidon status within Sanctuary. I took the title Commissar, and I’m leading the defence team against the Alliance fucking mongrel fucking dogs in their fucking holes. Then, later that night I went up to Highmountain where the Forsaken were dropping plague bombs on the Alliance. I was guarding them, basically. Though there wasn’t fucking much to guard from because of how fucking high up it was from the drop points in Stormheim. I went out into the snow for a while, huddled up on a rock with a blanket one of the soldiers got me. I was… thinking about everything, right? Dora. I was thinking about Dora and everything going on with me and her. What to do, while I waited. Because it hurt, yeah? It still hurts. It’s still hard. I hate not being able to like, express myself about her around her. Or, fuck maybe I can now, I think, or something. It’s still confusing. But, while I was up there, she found me, just by fucking accident or whatever. Destiny. I was fucking cold as hell so I ran over to her and we hugged and talked and shit. She asked me what I was doing out there, and I told her I was out there to think, which I was. She asked if she was hurting me. I couldn’t respond, to that. I just cried, and she held me. Dora’s good at that.

We went to the Forsaken camp, just a little away. Left our wolves outside. Storm started up. Went inside a tent on our own, I started a fire to warm us up. We talked, a lot. Argued, kinda. She shouted. I told her that we’d just hurt each other until I died. She started crying, and she left. I tried to go after her but she was already gone. I just fell down in the snow, screamed myself hoarse. Dora and I didn’t talk for a while after that. Weeks went by. It was fucking hard. I just, hurt, a lot. I’ve talked with a couple people about it since then. Don’t know if it’s helped any. We did make up, though. Got together in a bar and had a drink together. It was good just to see her. I missed her. I missed talking to her and hugging her and laughing with her and all that other stupid friend shit. We saw each other again yesterday, went out to the runewood with a keg of cider I got from Kex’ti. Sat and drank and talked about some stupid shit, and our stupid shit. We agreed we’re not going to let the same shit that split us up last time do it again. I’m strong enough to wait, I know I am. I’m strong enough to be by her side and do whatever the fuck she needs while she sorts it all out. That’s what best friends are for.

Then there’s the Nightmare shit. It’s just been a bunch of crazy fucking shit going on at the guild hall, people being attacked or whatever the fuck when they’re alone and they fall asleep. I got attacked one time, in the hall outside the Commander’s office. There was something, I don’t fucking know, predatory there. I scared it off, I don’t think anyone’s been really hurt by it, at least from what I know. Which isn’t fucking much since that fucking cunt Baern and Bloodborne hate me. But whatever, they stay in line, we won’t have any fucking problems. People are looking into it, I’ve helped where I can but people tend not to call me when problems with it show up. I moved to Lohd’s room since mine blew up- I’ll get to that. I fell asleep there, and when I woke up someone was at the door. I went to check and it was Lohd. I was so excited to see him that I jumped up into his arms and hugged him and he chuckled and set me down on this crate he was carrying. It was filled with leathers and furs and shit from hunts he’d accomplished on the Isles. We talked for a little bit about shit, Dora, I guess. He was happy for me, I think. That I found someone, right? He said that he would always support me. When I asked him what he meant, he said that I was his friend, and he missed me. Then I woke up back in bed. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Where the fuck is he? No one’s seen him for months, I should fucking know. I need to find him, maybe he’s a part of it all or maybe he’s in trouble or- or something. I don’t know. That night, though, and all the nights since I’ve started staying in his room I’ve had dreams. Actual dreams, not nightmares or shit. Bright, beautiful dreams. If you’re out there, Lohd, thank you.

Finally, there’s my brother. He showed up in my room a while ago. Said that he needed me to train soldiers for his army, some big plans he had in mind. He said… a lot of things that were true. About Sanctuary. How I’ve been treated, shit that’s been pulled on me. It was hard to refuse him, harder than some people might think for me. I wanted to go with him. I wanted to protect him and help him do whatever he had planned. He’s my fucking little brother, I don’t want to see him get hurt for whatever reason by anyone. But… I refused. We fought, briefly. He blew up my room, guess he’s a fucking warlock now. Don’t know where in the hell he got fel corrupted, or what the hell did that to him. He’d never do it willingly, even if he’s accepted it now. I’ll find whatever fucker did that to him and annihilate it for corrupting my fucking brother. With all that said, though, I think I get it. Get myself, that is. I think I know who I am or at least I’m on the fucking way or whatever the fuck. Time will tell and all that bullshit. I’m Shokkra fucking Deathrage, I’m strong enough to handle whatever the fuck the world throws at me.

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It's… I don't know. Winter Veil ended last. Too much to go over. Can’t go over it. So much has happened.

I miss the summer.

Lahzio killed some members of Borrowed Time and took Rayfeather and Deadeye hostage. Julilee brought me into the meeting where they went over everything. Dora's in charge of Borrowed Time now. Until they get Deadeye back. If they do. Lahzio wants to suck the mana from everything in Dalaran. We’re going to stop him. We have five magical stones to lure him to Borrowed Time’s base and pull off the spell to seal him in a pocket dimension. It’s basically a giant clusterfuck. But this is the plan Dora's going with, so I brought up a plan for the defense of the port. Now I’m in charge of the strategy and defense of the port. Cat helped me with it, got me a list of supplies. We scratched out the final plan on Dora’s office. Now we're just preparing, digging trenches, placing landmines, loading turrets.

Mom got here earlier. We got into a fight as soon as she found me. Snatched my pendant that Dora made for me and I knocked her onto her back. I’ll make a chain for the necklace, a small one, but stronger than this rope. For now I’ve re-tied it, don't expect it to be taken from me again. Fits more snugly than before but that’s okay. Needed totems to sense for tremors, and the extra damage and healing will be useful. I wouldn't normally ask her to come, but I had to. She’s one of the strongest shaman I know, and Dora needs all the help she can get. For her to be safe, for Dalaran to be safe, we can't let old grudges get the better of us. It’s just this week and we can all go back to hating each other. Not that they don't hate me now. I notice the looks I get around the port. Cobrak had an order that I wasn’t allowed in. I guess one of the first things as acting chief Dora did was bring me in and place me in charge of the defense. I am the most qualified to prepare the port for attack. I know how to plan a defense. I don't know the enemy as well as I’d hope, but it's good enough.

Dora I- told her I needed to talk to her. Once everyone was safe. After the fight. I do. I don’t know what I’ll say. I don’t know what I’ll be able to. I don’t know.

Edited by Shokkra

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