Konro

Shokkra's Journal.

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Konro    10

*disclaimer, swearing*

Shokkra's journal. The sixteenth day of the fourth month. I don't understand. Nothing makes sense. This curse, the Herald, Karthok, Breygrah, Naheal, Aaren. It's all so fucked up. There's no one that can be trusted. Why the fuck is all this happening?

Konro was killed by fucking Breygrah, even though she KNEW he wouldn’t be able to kill her. That damn wolf in his head just fucking took control and got him killed. So much for being a smart demon. Then Karthok went and kidnapped Breygrah after she attacked him.

He really fucked her up, hammered her jaw, broke her kneecaps and elbows, cut off massive chunks of her legs, from the water buckets he probably waterboarded her, then electrocuted her with his glove. Then he carved our emblem onto her shoulder or upper arm or whatever, the meaty bit where we all have our tattoos, so she would never forget us. God that's fucked up. I can't even figure out why he did it. Not for Konro. Not for himself, he's too smart for that. Maybe for me? Maybe he wanted to make me happy, the idiot.

The Deadshots showed up along with that zombie and burned our stronghold to the godamn ground, killed Karthok, killed everyone except for me and Crichan. Bastards don't think about anyone but themselves. They don't think about what they do to peoples lives. Same with Naheal. He made me KILL Telerian. One of my own brothers, he made kill him because his fucking girlfriend got beat up. WHAT THE FUCK!?

He's got no nothing. He's an idiot and an asshole. I hope the Herald fucking kills him next. I had to carry Telerian's body to his family in Silvermoon. I was sobbing and apologizing with his bloody body in my hands. You know what his family did? They just took the body from my hands, got me cleaned up and consoled ME. They held me close and told me it would all be okay. I killed their brother, their son and they took care of me, let me stay the night. They sent me on my way in the morning with wine and cheese and bread and blankets. I can't ever see them again. I won't ever forget what I did for that fucking Death Knight.

Telerian liked me too, always smiling when I came around, always giving me gifts. I rewarded his love with a knife to the chest. He went willingly too, wouldn't even fight me. We spent his final hours doing the things he wanted to do, smiling and laughing like nothing was wrong. He kissed me before he died, the last thing on his stupid list. The asshole. God.

Everything is falling apart. First we were forced into hiding by the Darkspear Rebellion. Then this curse started and Konro was murdered. Then Naheal burned down our camp. Konro's tent was still up, his journal, his armor, his booze and his other possessions were still in there and he burned it all. I managed to save the journal. Might start reading it soon. Alakroz was captured and tortured by Naheal. Then Naheal forced me to kill Telerian. Karthok was killed, our new home burned down. Now Vionora carved that goddamn mark into my hand.

I don't know if I can take any more.

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Konro    10

Been awhile, hasn’t it? Guess I have some catching up to do. Last time it was just before the assault on Karthok’s fortress. I’ll start with that then.

The Deadshots, Voidblade and his bear plus the Horns attacked in the early morning. Karthok had assembled a small army of mercenaries and Vrykul to fight them off along with some Gurubashi friends of Alakroz, Crichan’s Siege-Weapon fanatic pals and Karthok had put snipers in the towers. Crichan led the main force into the fight, charging in on the back of the biggest zombie-giant available while I took the strongest few Vrykul to the gate.

The attackers were much more dangerous than anyone anticipated, even Karthok and he convinced the goddamn Vrykul to help defend us…still don’t know how he did that. Darrethy started throwing infernals at the Siege Weapons and Crichan launched into the sky to fight the airborne Deadshots. I nearly killed an elf, then massive armored hands nearly crushed my skull and I was out of the fight. From then on I could only hear what was happening through my helmet.

We ended up losing really, really fucking badly. Everyone died. It was just me and Crichan by the end, all the surviving mercs ran and the Giants died fighting. Cobrak killed my brother inside the command bunker, burnt it to the ground. The Tauren went in around the back and captured Ragetotem through some elemental tunnel. Two guards I had stationed inside were apparently “incapacitated” by the Horns, or so their Chieftain said. I found the bodies, their throats were slashed ear to ear. It could have been the Deadshots, it could’ve been the Horns, either way they’re going to get what’s coming to them, just not by my hand.

They left me to clean up the bodies, burn the dead. You could’ve smelled the stench from Dalaran. Crichan helped me before running off to god knows where. I met Alakroz after near a waterfall. He didn’t look as bad as I thought he would, after being in their torture chamber for however long he was there. Alak was the one to look for Karthok’s body. He said the body burned up, nothing to find.

Soon after that the Nightmare started. Far as I can tell, I was in there the longest this time. Two months, maybe a bit more. I threw away the armor I had on me, along with the tabard and Konro’s axe. I couldn’t look at them after, I couldn’t think about them after.

I joined up with Sanctuary a couple weeks ago. Because that was a good idea… Aaren and me got into it last night. She made me think some things over, decided to start over I guess. I figured this was a good start. I’ll be writing in here regularly from now on. Maybe i’ll finally be useful to someone. Oh, I also got a pet worg. His name is Butcher.

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Konro    10

So...Karthok isn't dead,the bastard. Showed up last night as I was returning to Sanctuary's Garrison from Warspear. Nearly chopped his head off, woulda been his fault too, wearing all black and sneaking up on people in the middle of the night. Going to get himself killed. Apparently he's been in hiding since the assault on his Grizzly Hills fortress. Running around to all his different secret safehouses and sending secret coded messages to secret contacts so the fact he was alive would stay secret. With all the damn secrecy he couldn't even tell me his was alive and well the fucking asshole. Had me up at night thinking about how he died, who I wanted to kill and the reasons I couldn't. Then there was the whole thing about me having to carry on the Deathrage line since I was the only one still alive capable of doing so.

Anyway, he showed up to ask if I wanted to go on a vacation with him. Yeah, show up out of the blue after being dead to the whole fucking world and ask if I want to take a fucking vacation to the fucking South Seas. Asshole. He chartered a ship from Booty Bay that's leaving today for the South Seas, more specifically some pirate island where the crew drops you off at for a resort or something. There'll be beer, grog, treasures, danger, mystery, romance, all that bullshit.

Gotta say i'm actually pretty excited. Get away from all the immeninent doom and grim thoughts for a couple weeks, even if it's at some silly resort with good-looking waiters. Karthok even managed to convince Alakroz it'd be worth it, probably told him the trolls down there are cool with him eating people for breakfast, lunch, dinner and his midnight snack. Or you know, gave him a case of poisons and a severed head in exchange for coming with us.

The Thirty-Seventh Infantry back together, off to some foreign and dangerous land with wonders and horrors the likes of which we've never seen. Hopefully there aren't any Old Gods or time-traveling dragons this time.

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Shokkra    17

Karthok just handed me a letter from Commander Liene. Looks like i'm headed back to a civil war. All my armour is back at the Garrison so when I get back i'll be defenseless until I get there. I tried to get the sailors to take us back now but a storm is coming in, won't be on our way for a few days.

I'm going to assume it was the Grim that attacked first, maybe Syreena wanted an elf hand and decided to take it from Cerryan. We're severely outnumbered by the Grim and most of us are unexperienced when it comes to fighting other Horde...I think. The Deadshots will be taking the Grim's side since their leader is Grim. Sanctuary will have a couple friends in Borrowed Time unless those ones abandon us. I'll try to convince the Commander to accept Alakroz and Karthok because frankly we'll need all the help we can get.

I don't see us winning this fight in any scenario. We probably won't be allowed to kill any Grim because of the vows and they'll slaughter us like cattle. Even if we manage to chain up two Grim for each of us they'll still trample us into the dust. The Grim have the advantage of being experienced, cold-hearted killers and we're the diplomatic frilly elves. If Juli dies though, then we might be able to win this. I don't know how but with the really caring ones gone we could figure something out. Maybe we could take a page from the Warchief's book and use a mana bomb, wipe 'em out in one fell swoop with minimal casualties on our side. Maybe Karthok could start picking them off, one by one or just poison their Commander and lieutenants. I don't know, i'll talk with the others when I get back.

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Shokkra    17

This is entry five, been a while, I guess.

A few things have happened since last time. Some dragons attacked the garrison and we moved to Borrowed Time's garrison for a while, well, the rest of Sanctuary did, I didn't. I'm not going to sleep in that fucking dragon den. We eventually counter-attacked Serinar and his dragons, where there were a bunch of like, evil versions of everyone who was attacking from different timelines. I found the alternate version of me, who I mean, was kind of kick ass. She had this huge mohawk with braids running down the back and sides of it with this red warpaint smeared across her face (no, wait, that was probably blood) and this just freaking massive axe, with a really sweet set of black armour. Based on what I got from the fight she ended up killing Konro and the rest of the traitorous 37th, including Karthok, and she became a high ranking member of the Kor'kron, eventually killing all the traitors and reigning supreme with the Orcs and Garrosh over Azeroth, which I have to say, would have been so fucking awesome. Like, having to kill Konro and shit would suck, but since they had turned traitor in that timeline I would probably be okay with it. Oh! Also, her mohawk turns out, was a bit big, so when I got her away from her axe and tackled her to the ground, I grabbed hold of the thing and just fucking ripped it off her head, by Thrall's Bloodied Fist was that satisfying. After that Sanctuary moved back to Dalaran and since then I've been talking with Kex'ti, the Commander and the other elves about things. Breygrah joined too, which was weird because like, I dunno, tried to kill her before, but she seemed cool about it, so, yeah. She also has this kid with her now, name's Frija or Frea or something, cute little Tauren girl, real feisty, has a lot of anger and angst and stuff, which I can appreciate. She's pretty cool, just wish I could hang out with her more, Brey never lets me take care of her when she has to do stuff because I'm not a good role model or something.

What else... there's this drug called Wreave that's going around, supposed to make you feel fucking amazing, which if I weren't trying to lay off the narcotics, I would be really into. It's supposed to be really bad and there's things going on in Bilgewater and the workers are addicted to it or something but if got just like, one hit, that would be sick. Just to see what it's like. I made a new friend, I think, well actually a couple new friends. There was this troll girl, think her name was Zeniya or something like that, gave me some special homemade brew she had and damn that was the shit. She also called me stoosh, which I learned means potato in Zandali, which is kind've a weird nickname, but I'll roll with it for now. Then there was this other really awesome troll girl, Paiyuna, but everyone just calls her Pai. She's pretty fantastic, because one, she's great eye candy, two, funny as hell and good to be around, three, she organized a bachelor auction that's next weekend, which is gonna be great, 'cause I'm going to buy Cobrak's nephew. Some might say that buying someone's nephew for a date out of spite for that person might be counter intuitive, but I still think it'll be fun. Next, met this half-elf, Kirital, who joined Sanctuary not too long ago. Started drinking and talking about stuff and guys and all that, then I think Syreena made him a deal if he fought a fist fight with me, which he did, which was awesome. He could really pack a punch, made my ribs feel like hell for a couple days, but I gave him quite the thrashing so I'm happy about it. Me, Kirital and Cerryan then went to Silithus to find artifacts and stuff, which was fine, really hot, but Kex'ti packed a bunch of food and he's such a good fucking cook that the heat didn't bother me much.

Okay, current-er events. Tomorrow night, me, some other Sanctuary members, with Nok and Geryal Deadeye are heading to Thousand Needles to fuck up the Grimtotem there because Baern(he's a Grimtotem in Sanctuary)'s brother's clan is being empowered by fel demon energy shit so we're gonna go investigate because they're receiving another gift tomorrow night. I didn't get drunk tonight so I'd be ready for tomorrow, after the fight maybe be and Nok can get to know each other better over drinks. It should be a good fight too, fel empowered insane Grimtotem warriors and whoever is giving them this power versus us, can't wait. Also, Kex'ti said if there were any boulders there he would let me piledrive or suplex them, which I am so pumped for. I'm not sure if we're going to be killing anyone or not, but probably not because you know, Sanctuary elves and flowers and songs and shit, but should be good nonetheless, especially with the person giving the powers there, gonna be sick.

Anyway, this time I'll try to keep up with the journal because it's supposed to help with anger management or some shit so, yeah, I'll try to write something after the fight tomorrow. If I don't, well, probably means I got laid or I got the shit kicked out of me.

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Shokkra    17

I... I don't know what to think now. Konro was a demon, or dreadlord or something. The people I was there with killed him, I just fainted when I saw him I guess. I thought it was Konro, I KNEW it was Konro. He knew everything and only things Konro knew, things Konro would never tell anyone. But they're saying it wasn't him. I just don't know. I fucking missed him so much and then, when he came back, it was as if none of it mattered, he was back and he would take care of me again. I already fucking miss him again. He was just a fucking impersonator and I miss him. Damn it. The others said we were going to meet back in Dalaran, but no one showed up. So I just sat there awhile, waiting, not sure for what. Kex'ti and Juli are probably fucking right now, Cerryan's fucking praying I think, everyone's doing something and everyone has someone to talk to. Except for me, now. I could try talking to Karthok but he'd just be angry. Fucking damnit I miss Konro.

The one thing I know now, from this, is that anyone could be a fucking Dreadlord. Anyone. If they could pretend to be Konro they could be anyone. I can't even trust Sanctuary. They casted holy light on themselves to prove they weren't demons, but I still don't know if I could trust them. Demon could have a shield or something that protects them from that shit. If anyone else in Sanctuary, meaning anyone else I care about turns out to be a demon, I don't think I'll be able to handle it. I'll just fucking lose it, I'll kill them all. I hate not being able to fucking trust people, people I see everyday, people I know. It fucking hurts. I need to find these fucking demons and kill them all. First target, Borrowed Time.

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Shokkra    17

Those idiots. Those fucking idiots. I told Syreena to back off from that elf and we could forget anything happened, but instead she attacked him. She wanted a fight, but that turned into such a shitshow that the guards got called in.The GUARDS. The people who do jack shit anytime anything ever happens decided to show up this one fucking time. They didn't even do anything because Naring's a fucking Stone Guard so he called the guards off the Grim. I can't believe those fuckers attacked someone like that, for no fucking reason. Damn. Only reason the fighting even stopped is that Gun faked a nuke going off. Even after that the Grim refused to leave though, just going back to their seats and drinking.

Fucking idiots. Don't they understand that this is exactly what the Legion wants? What the Dreadlords and the fucker who impersonated Konro wanted? Random attacks and us just fighting each other, breeding paranoia, it's what they want, and the Grim are playing right into their fucking hands. Maybe when I get the sword and the ring, maybe I can convince them to work with us against the Legion. Maybe we could actually cooperate, though that might just be wishful thinking.

I've reported the attack to Cerryan, so he should talk to Julilee about it. Hopefully she could work out something with the Grim so that we don't keep fighting like this. Those fucking assholes.

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Shokkra    17

Bought a couple orcs tonight at the auction. Nok and Borghul. Nok I bought out of spite of Cobrak and plus you know, he's pretty hot. Borghul I bought because I think it'll just be fucking hilarious. The guy's senile and I think it'll be entertaining enough to make me feel less bad about spending 10k on that old bastard. Nok was definitely worth it though, maybe something will actually like, bloom, or whatever. The date's going on during Love is in the Air so... yeah. Anyway, Naring said he was sorry about tackling me and that it's all about politics with the Grim and apparently Cerryan might be a target for assassination by someone so I have THAT to deal with. But other than that, good day. Oh, also I got into an insult match with Syreena, which I won, so you know, feeling pretty good right now. Gonna go try to find a book that'll help me find the shards, hopefully won't have to beat a mage again for the older texts.

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Shokkra    17

I'm going to kill them all. All of the Grim. I don't know how, but I will. I'll drop mana bombs on them, I'll drop nukes on them, I'll drop the plague on them, I'll make demonic pacts to kill all of them, I'll open a portal to hell in their Garrison and let them all get sucked in before closing it. I will fucking kill all of them. Once I get over this fucking flu, cold, thing.

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Shokkra    17

So! Today happened! Was pretty fun! There was laughter, and feelings, and thoughts and all that kind've stuff. First I went back to the archives and read through a bunch of old books looking for hints to where other shards of the sword might be and managed to find a couple good links. Then I went and fought the Alliance for a bit, which was fun. In the evening I had my date with Borghul which actually exceeded my expectations. We talked about the Grim and Sanctuary and family and being a warlock and demons and the Legion and my time in Silvermoon and the time Borghul ate Khorvis' toenail. He did it to show his dominance, apparently. He also told me about when the Grim and Sanctuary used to be allies, that they didn't fight and they actually worked together to better the Horde. Sanctuary used to defend the Horde's lands and territories while the Grim fought on the front lines. Vilmah Bloodborne was the leader of Sanctuary back then, and she was an orc lass too! Guess that means I have to up my game a bit. Borghul told me that a friend of Vilmah's is still in the Grim, name is Bloodscream, so I'm going to try to contact him and see what he can tell me about her and the old days. After our date, Kex'ti showed up with Kriga so I got to know the new troll a bit. He's a Darkspear. Then a bit later, I met this awesome little Goblin named Laxelle who one, joined Sanctuary and also had a recommendation from Warlord Gor'han of the Warsong Outriders! WOOOOO! She translated all the Night Elvish to Orcish for the Warlord and helped them with a demon problem, so that's pretty awesome. I feel pretty pumped about another Warsong, even if she's a goblin, being in Sanctuary. She's pretty cute too, gonna give everyone physicals, which served as a pretty great joke at the time. Me and her are gonna have a good time together. Then, after that, arguably the biggest news of the night, me and Lohd talked again. It was awkward, actually no, I was a bit awkward, and Lohd kept it cool. A while ago, me and him were in the Garrison and I may have come onto him a teensy bit strongly. Where he revealed, after a good half hour of my aggressive flirting, that he was only attracted to men. Which was a surprise. But tonight he told me one, that at the time his former mate had been killed by his brother. Which I mean, damn. That would fuck me up too. That softened me up for the other news: That his former mate was in fact a male, but that he really had no preference for male or female. So... yeah. But I mean, we talked it out and he seems cool now and I mean I'm cool why wouldn't I be cool I don't come on too strongly I mean what does that have to do with anything I'm a grown ass woman I can do what I want and if I want to aggressively hit on a massive tauren druid who's a cute ass cat and bear why shouldn't I be able to do that I don't come on too strongly not nearly strongly enough for someone to lie about only being gay or something HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA.

He's still really, really awesome though. He just makes me want to cuddle up with him and just snuggle with that mound of fur all night long. I have my date with Nok the day after tomorrow. Don't know how to feel about THAT shit now. Love is in the Air though, so maybe I'll get a dress. I dunno. Guess we'll just have to wait and see what the FUCK HAPPENS NEXT.

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Shokkra    17

Today is Wednesday. Nothing really happened yesterday, almost got into a fight with Syreena and her dragon whore but I wasn't hitting anyone and they seemed to be the only people wanting to fight so, mission accomplished there. Got a dress from one of the goblins. It's purple, so maybe I should wear it sometime because it's Sanctuary's color. Bought some heart candies too, don't know why the fuck people like those, they taste like ass. Maybe it's an elf thing. I also went raiding through the twilight camps and Blackwing to grab some more gold for the auction. Sitting at about eleven thousand right now. Hopefully I'll be able to afford a small harem by the time it rolls around. Or alternatively one Aaren, though she'll probably sell for something only elves and drug dealers can afford.

Did more stuff today though. Found Kerala getting it on with Lupinum on a hill in Mulgore. He left pretty quickly once I got there, so I asked Kerala about the ring. She didn't know where or what it was, or even that Konro was a Dreadlord. So we went to find Kex'ti at the Shrine of Two Moons and went to this place in Kun'lai, someplace Old God-y. It was creepy as hell. There were these huge fucking slugs everywhere, a pile of dead demons and dead cultists and even one huge dead Faceless One, like the things in Vas'jir. There were also these disk things that were speaking some crazy fucking language, real crude like how really old orcish would sound. Kerala could understand it but me and Kex'ti couldn't. The shards I keep with me were resonating in that place too, they took me through this little crevice that I had to shimmy through where I found this smooth piece of metal and then a slot was in the wall and the wall opened up. Inside we found the ring of inviolate form, which is fucking awesome. A sword and this other metal thing. We took everything back to Dalaran for safe keeping and study. Kerala also got a bracelet thing with a flower, I don't really know.

Anyway, after that I went to have my date with Nok, only he didn't show up the fucker. So instead I spent three hours talking to Lohd. He asked me about my life and I asked about his, though I talked way more than he did. He was really nice, and understood my predicament of being stood up. Missing the date with Nok for a couple hours with Lohd may have been worth it. Plus I got a letter from him that he went to Northrend to set it up but got stuck with a Death Knight hiding from the Drakkari. So I might forgive him. We'll see.

******

So Nok showed up at the Sanctuary base in Dalaran. He was bruised up and beaten, which he deserved for making me wait. He took me to Ulduar and let me ride in his siege tank, it was painted red with flames and shit. The gun on that thing is fucking awesome. You can fire missiles or cannon shots and damn do those make a dent. I got to shoot a shit ton of Dark Iron then this huge fucking flame tank thing comes out and I got to shoot the shit out of that! It was awesome! The siege tank got pretty banged up but you know, he cna fix it, who cares. He laid out a blanket with some meat and beer and we talked about all kinds of shit. Like for instance, apparently I read Sinlanna's romance novels and that me and him would be great on stage together. I didn't get laid, which was kind've disappointing but the gun and the food make up for it in my book. Bachelorette auction is next week, maybe he could buy me and we could finish off the night properly next time. All in all, damn good day.

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Shokkra    17

So! Time to write! Lotta shit happened in the last couple days. I went to Brokenspear to get a break from all the research and tomb raiding, which might've been one of the best decisions I've made in a while. I met this elf there, I think his name is Nathandiel, Kex'ti or someone told me that, he never actually said his name to me that I can remember. That guy is pretty kick ass. He wears his hair short but not really styled or anything like that, just straight down the back of his head, something that I haven't seen before. He's cute, maybe a little dense but that was probably just the beer. He made me laugh a lot, which helped with the overall situation. Not that there was like a situation, just the things that were going on could use a bit of laughter to alleviate the situation or whatever. Kex'ti said he was Drinn's paramour or whatever, but he was coming onto me and he's gonna start working at a brothel so I'm just going to safely assume that it's off between them. He was a fun drunk, and a fun sober, even though I didn't get to spend much time with him in that state. His eyes wandered a bit, which was fine, since I really wanted to fuck the hell out of that pink toothpick. I didn't get to, not last night or today, but I think soon, once he gets over his ex or whatever.

The other thing that happened last night was this elf woman, Madame Ophelia I think. She runs a brothel or "bordello" as she calls it named the Thieve's Den Bordello out of Silvermoon, probably Murder Row. She was... interesting. She came into the bar with two of her succubus slaves and a horse prod or whip or whatever. She didn't talk to anyone unless she asked them to come over, or she was chastising one of her demons. She did ask me and Nathandiel to come over and have a drink with her though. Wasn't sure for what at first, 'cause I'm obviously not her type of client or whatever, then she offered us jobs. She offered me and Nath jobs at her brothel. Which, I mean, what? ME? At a brothel? WORKING THERE? Sounds kinda fun to be honest. I can see why she offered Nath the job, and me kind of. Nathandiel would be good for all the ladies looking for like, the boyfriend experience or just looking for the cute, innocent looking type. I'm the one that clients would pay to like, beat and all that stuff. Tame the savage or whatever the hell those fucking sickos would want to do. Then again they might just want to see what a real Orc feels like, not like their weak elven bitches. Might break a few of their bones but that might make them enjoy it even more. They're all sick perverts but I'd be getting paid a shit ton for it. I need the gold for the auction and maybe I'll be able to pay off the debt that Telerian's family would never accept from me. Nathan told me he sent some dirty pictures to our boss to show off what he can do. I took a few pictures myself, but they were more meant to show off what a badass Orc bitch I am. Went to a butcher and asked for all the blood he had, got a few buckets worth. Went back to the Garrison, stripped down, covered myself in the stuff, just fucking drenched myself in it, then struck a pose with me just fucking roaring and took the picture. Did that a few times, doing different things each time. I think that'll impress her enough to give me a good amount of gold and maybe keep the real crazy fuckers away from me. Asked Nath if he wanted to go in with me tomorrow for the first day of the job, he said yes so I think that'll make it easier. I asked Kex'ti if I was allowed to do it and he said it was okay, but I know he was dissapointed. I kinda was too. Working in a brothel, feels a bit wrong. I shouldn't demean Sanctuary by doing it, I shouldn't dishonor my ancestors, my family, my clan, by doing it. But I am. It'll pay off anything I'd lose at the auction and just, help out, I guess. I'm just trying to justify it to myself. Fuck... If Lohd finds out, fuck. I don't want him to think of me like that. Fuck. The more I think about it the more I don't want to do it. I'll keep thinking through it. Nathan will make it easier.

There was a cookout beach party thing today. Apparently Cobrak was supposed to have his wedding there today to Djara but got postponed. A bunch of people showed up. Syreena, Kex'ti, Shaelie, Inzema, Dragon Whoreson, Lohd, some other people and some new people. It was fun for the most part. I just wore my bikini since it was the fucking beach. People kept asking me why I wasn't wearing clothes at a FUCKING BEACH and they were wearing the heaviest fucking armor they could manage. The Dragon Whoreson tried to fight me because I was making fun of him and fucking with him because he's a fucking Dragon Whoreson. He's such a punk bitch. He holds himself so high above everyone else and acts so fucking self righteous and passive aggressive. He doesn't even have the balls to antagonize or fight people in his bitch form, has to breathe fire and make a huge fucking drama queen fuss in his fucking overgrown lizard skin. He barged in when everyone was talking and after a fight had calmed down, flapping his fucking chicken wings and telling everyone to calm down and that it wasn't worth it and that it was all done now, even though everyone had moved on at that point. I fucking hate him so fucking much. He's such a piece of shit. If I got to pick one person to murder brutally and painfully, it would be him. Can't fucking wait for the day that he goes nuts and I have to bury my pike into his neck. I'll have Karthok skin him and make his hide into a blanket. The Whoreson's head will go above my bed, or overtop the fireplace. I'll make the claws into knives and daggers that I'll give to my loved ones. The wings will get made into cloaks and hoods, maybe a dress that I'll present to the Commander and maybe Awatu as well. The end of the tail will be a mace, I think. That I'll give to Vyr'then. All the bones I'll make into a new set of armor, either for myself or for someone I'll pick when I'm ready. Finally, all the blood in his system I'll take and bottle. Make half of it into ale, the other half straight. The more I think about it the more I can't wait.

I saw Lohd again tonight. It wasn't for too long, but it was fun. He came in where pretty much everyone else had left. I was still mostly undressed when he showed up, gave me a huge fucking surprise when he showed up in his bear form. I was comfortable around everyone else in my bikini but when he showed up I just got all flustered and hot. I got my clothes on and managed to maintain a half-normal composure around him. Everyone else noticed my change in attitude and shit, except for him. Or he did notice and he didn't say anything because he's fucking nice and fucking awesome. Gah, he makes me second guess a lot of the shit I do. I think about him a lot. Whenever I'm gonna do something I think "Would Lohd want me to do this" or "Would Lohd be okay with this". The Commander, Kex'ti, Cerryan, they're big influences on that shit too but I don't know, it's different with Lohd. He really makes me think about it. He said tonight that he wants to hunt Kain when he gains maturity. That'd be a sweet fight, I'd love to see that. The big, two-headed mongrel of Cobrak versus the massive bear Lohd Runetotem. He showed me the shoulderpads he made out of raptor spine from his last hunt. They were pretty impressive, good make and an damn good kill based on the size of them. Lohd told me that on his next hunt he'd get something for me. I don't know if that was like, flirting or just for like a friend of I just don't fucking know. I am proud of him and his hunts though. Because he doesn't do it just for new gear or a carpet or bragging rights or any of that shit, he does it to better himself. To get closer to nature and to wherever to came from. To get closer to his parents and ancestors. I respect that, a lot. He's no big game hunter, he's a fucking awesome Druid that wants to be the best person he can possibly be. I love that big furry bastard. I mean, I don't love him like, love love him, but I mean, casually, like when someone's like "you know you love me" after you make a jab at someone and they can't help but smile even as they try their hardest not to. I do, like, love him though. But not like that, I'll just stop talking about that since otherwise I'll just write in a loop all night. Alright, I think that's a good place to stop. Lohd is probably one of the best things in my life though. ALRIGHT NOW I'M DONE.

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Shokkra    17

O' fucking 'kay. So, it's been like, a week or whatever since the last one, maybe longer, who gives a fuck really though, not like anyone's reading this. I mean if people were reading this I'd have to kill them all brutally and rip their limbs from their torsos and put them up on spikes as a warning to all the people that think about reading my FUCKING DIARY MOTHERFUCKERS. So anyway...

Been doing a lot of shit. After my night with Gun, I grabbed some maps and started tracking down more shards for the weapon. Started with a few shakedowns and beatings of shifty merchants selling cheap relics and shit. Found a few small pieces from that, but that's it. After that I went on a rampage through Twilight territory and managed to snatch a decently sized piece from an ogre. Was a tough fucker to beat, but once I tore off his second head with my bare hands he told me where to find it. He also told me where another shard was, in Pandaria. Tracked it to a Hozen cave, one of the fuckers snuck up behind me and knocked me out cold. Woke up a while later, in a shitty cage with a few other prisoners. There was a hot goblin chick in there, we made a plan quickly and I body slammed my way through the bars and me and the other prisoners went on a fucking rampage. I ripped off the chieftain's head and tore those fuckers apart. Grabbed a huge shard from his stash and made it out with the others. Pretty much everyone went their separate ways except for me and the goblin. We found a sweet spot in the forest and just went to fucking town. Left the next morning, came back to Sanctuary and all that like a day ago.

So I got all the shards and shit to Breygrah and she forged it at Magnaron in Frostfire, so it's elementally infused as well as with my Warsong prayers and the power to take away a Dreadlord's disguise, it's a fucking weapon of death and destruction. Since it's going to to sow terror and fear among the demons, I named it Drokognir, Demon Terror. I painted the runes on the axe and said my prayers, it'll fuck shit up. Whenever we got to fight the demons, I'll be ready. I'm going to tear those fuckers apart. For Konro, for fucking Telerian, for all the ancestors I lost to the Legion, for all the orcs that are dying because of the Legion in Draenor right now and maybe for all the brothers and sisters that died in the Siege. But I'd need to do something special for them, maybe when the Old Gods show their faces I'll get to avenge everyone at the Siege. One day I will, I promised myself then and I'll keep to that forever. I'll honor the Warsong, Blackrock, Dragonmaw, everyone who fought with the Warchief during the Siege. I'll give them a bloodbath to make them all proud, one day.

I talked with Gun a lot tonight. He's actually a pretty cool guy. Tested Drokognir on him, so he's not a Dreadlord. Which I mean, that's good, because if I had fucked a Dreadlord I'd kill myself. He also gave me this hologram thing, which I mean I don't know how to feel about because like no one ever just like gives me something out of the blue like after we fucked and I don't know if like he's into me into me or like just into me or like if he wants a relationship because I don't know and like there's Lohd and he said he would make me something and that's like what like I don't even know because I like him but not like in that way maybe I don't know like and Lohd is like also like wow and like I DON'T KNOW FUCK SHIT DAMNIT FUCK. WHAT ARE WITH THESE PEOPLE I MEAN I DON'T GET IT WHY DO THEY STICK AROUND ME I MEAN I'M JUST A FUCKING FORMER KOR'KRON WARSONG LOYALIST WITH A BLOODLUST AND SEVERE REGRETS AND EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS AND THEY'RE LIKE STICKING AROUND AND TALKING TO ME AND NOT GETTING MAD AND SHIT AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND ALL THESE PEOPLE GAH. I MEAN LIKE WE TALKED ABOUT THE SIEGE AND SHIT AND HE WAS ALL UNDERSTANDING AND I THOUGHT HE WAS LIKE GOING TO HUG ME OR SOME SHIT BUT HE DIDN'T BECAUSE LIKE WHY WOULD HE HUG ME THAT WOULDN'T MAKE SENSE BUT LIKE I DON'T KNOW HE LIKE LISTENED AND SHIT AND BAH. Anyway, he should get here for strip-history soon. I'm just gonna go try to compose myself and try not to think about my FUCKING LIFE AND THE SIEGE AND FUCKING GARROSH UGH.

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Shokkra    17

((feel like there should be another swearing disclaimer, so you know, there's gonna be some swearing, you've been warned))

*The first part of the entry has many marks where pencils or quills or whatever were snapped or broken*

FUCKING WHORE SONS OF BITCHING FUCKWADS FROM THE DEPTHS OF A HARPY'S SNATCH THAT WERE MENTALLY RAPED IN THE WOMB THEN SHIT OUT AND LEFT IN THE CARCASS OF A RACIST AND HOMOPHOBIC ASS SHIT CLOWN OF A GHOUL WHERE THEY GREW UP EATING KODO SHIT AND DRINKING OGRE PISS FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES BEFORE DYING FROM FUCKING CHOKING TO DEATH ON TOP A PILE OF BURNING SHIT ON DEMON CUM. FUCK THE GRIM AND FUCK THE FORSAKEN AND FUCK THE TROLLS AND FUCK THE ELVES AND FUCK FUCKING EVERYTHING BECAUSE THEY ALL DESERVE TO BURN IN AN EVER LIVING HELL OF TORTURE AND DAMNATION FOR THE REMAINDER OF FUCKING ETERNITY. FUCK THEM. I'LL HAVE THEM ALL IMPALED ON WOODEN POLES AND LET THEM SLOWLY AND AGONIZINGLY SLIDE DOWN AND SPLIT THEMSELVES OPEN. I'LL RIP APART THEIR BREATHING BODIES AND SEND THEIR BODIES PIECE BY PIECE TO EVERYONE THEY EVER KNEW OR LOVED THEN TRACK THEM DOWN AND RIP THEM APART TOO WITH MY BARE HANDS. I'LL COVER THEM ALL IN BURNING PITCH AND SET THEM AFLAME, BEFORE DOUSING THEM WITH SALTWATER, SKINNING THEIR BURNT FLESH WHILE THEY STILL LIVE, HEAL THEM ENOUGH FOR THEM TO SURVIVE THEN DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN FOREVER. *The following sentences are incomprehensible and unreadable, written in primitive Orcish runes and scribbles, which is probably for the best as if they were translated Shokkra would be labeled a war criminal and convicted for crimes against Azeroth*

ALRIGHT, so what fucking happened was that I started a fucking fight with fucking Syreena because she was fucking antagonizing me with her fucking talking fucking shit and going on about her peace versus killing bullshit which fucking everyone’s fucking heard enough of but apparently she fucking hasn’t so I threw a fucking barrel at her fucking undead skull but then everyone in the fucking tavern fucking ganged up on me because I’M THE FUCKING BAD GUY HERE and I got fucking stabbed and then fucking Kex’ti and fucking Julilee fucking showed up and fucking immediately fucking blamed me for fucking everything up even fucking though I WAS THE ONE BLEEDING. They didn’t even fucking deal with fucking Syreena or fucking threaten her or fucking anything. They just fucking scolded me in front of fucking everyone and told them it was my fucking fault and fucking threw me under the feldamned fucking demolisher because it’s not like I have all this fucking other shit going on in my fucking life and to make fucking everything fucking worse they fucking GROUNDED ME for a fucking week in front of fucking EVERYONE because they’re both fucking miserable cunts who just fucking let the Grim do whatever the fuck they want. It’s not fucking fair that whenever Syreena fucking stabs me or fucking threatens me or fucking does whatever the fuck she wants to me nobody bats a fucking eye but when I decide to fucking strike fucking back for fucking once everyone fucking loses their minds and suddenly are all involved in the fucking fight and all fucking on her side because fuck me. I hate them. I hate them so fucking much. They’re all such fucking asshole fucking cockgobbling shit eating sons of fucking whores. I sent fucking Sy-fucking-reena a fucking letter in Orcish script telling her that I was going to fucking kill her in seven fucking days and that she was a fucking fat fucking whore. Fucking Gun sent me a fucking crate of fucking Blood Ale so I’m gonna fucking drink that at her fucking funeral and fucking mix it in with the fucking ritual before the fucking demon fucking battle fucking tomorrow. Shaelie was fucking going on about how I don’t fucking belong in fucking Sanctuary because I’m too fucking angry or some fucking shit so that just fucking made me more fucking angry which helped with the fucking fight that I fucking lost because Syreena knows she can fucking win because she has better fucking gear than me because we fucking tested the fucking gear at the last fucking Cantina.

Seven fucking days. Seven motherfucking goatfucking shitsnatching fucking whoreson fucking days of fucking sitting in the fucking Garrison and fucking training for a fucking fight with fucking Syreena as soon as I’m allowed to fucking leave the fucking Garrison. Fucking Juli said I wasn’t fucking allowed to fucking leave the fucking Garrison unless fucking Kex’ti or fucking Julilee was fucking with me which is such fucking bullshit. I fucking hate her. Fucking treating me like a fucking child. For fucks sakes. Not like fucking Kex’ti’s any better. Not like he fucking defended me in front of Juli, in front of fucking everyone in fucking Warspear. It was all fucking my fault. I fucking hate them. I can’t fucking believe them. That they’d fucking disrespect me in front of all those fucking people. I guess this just fucking proves what they fucking think of me. I’m just a fucking thing to throw at the fucking demons and otherwise I’m fucking useless, fucking nothing to them. It fucking hurts. I fucking hate it.

*The following part of the journal entry is stained with tears and ripped in some places*

I don’t know why I’m still here. I don’t know why they keep me around. I’m useless. I can’t win, I can’t control my temper, I can’t keep anything in check, I let all the Grim beat me around, nothing I do is worth anything. I haven’t done anything for Sanctuary. I haven’t done anything anyone else couldn’t do, anyone better, anyone other than me. I’m just dead weight. No one would care if I left. Nothing would change for the worse. Things would probably get better. They’d be able to deal with their own problems, avoid more fights, they’d be better off without me. All I do is cause more problems for them and expect them to help me when I do, so I guess I have to start knowing no one’s gonna help. If Kex’ti cared, he’d do something when Syreena stabs me. But he doesn’t. He just smiles at her, and heals what’s already been dealt with. It’s so fucking demoralizing. I keep losing, and they keep insulting me, keep antagonizing me to the point I can’t stand it then they beat me again. I’ve haven’t felt this defeated, this fucking alone since the day the Siege ended. When I woke up by the river, my city was burning, all my friends, all my soldiers, my Warchief, all dead. Now I’m just back there again. Konro’s dead, Karthok’s insane, Crichan’s AWOL, Alakroz can’t fucking function and just follows around Siane as a fucking dog, Telerian- fuck I can’t deal with this. I fucking miss them so much. I miss my little brother, I miss Crichan’s rambling speeches, I miss Alak’s jokes and craziness, I miss Konro’s drinking, and talking to him, and fighting with him. I miss Telerian’s flirting, the way he annoyed me, I miss his shitty cooking, fuck I’m sorry. I fucking killed him. I fucking did it. To save the rest of our skins I fucking killed him. I should’ve just let them come. I should’ve died with everyone that day. At least we would have died together. It would have been even better if we had died in Orgimmar, a death for the Warchief would have been the greatest I can think of. Telerian would have still been in Silvermoon, he would’ve lived, he would’ve had a family and died in his sleep, peacefully. I took that from him. I’ll never forgive myself.

I wish I could go back. I wish I could face them again. I killed their son, their brother, and they’d forgive me. They’d let me back in, tell me to stop crying, tell me that it was okay, that it wasn’t my fault. They’d hold me, and feed me, and draw me a fucking bath, and get me into a badly fitting dress. They’d let me stay for as long as I needed. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m such a fucking coward. I want to go back. I want to so badly. But I won’t. Not now, maybe not ever. I can’t. I wouldn’t be able to look them in the eye. I wish I could go back, to when I first got there. I remember it so fucking clearly. I had ditched my old gear because I was scared of being recognized and killed for being a loyalist. All I had was a red Orgrimmar shirt, that I hid under a ragged cloak, a pair of beaten up black boots and some old pants that didn’t fit. It was raining like a motherfucker, thunder sounded like a fucking cannon was going off next to my ear. I tried to stay in the shadows, avoid people. Not that there were a lot of people outside, other than the guards, but I thought it better safe than sorry. Took my hours to find their house. I must’ve stood outside, sizing it up and making sure it was theirs for half an hour. Couldn’t risk knocking on the wrong door and getting a fireball thrown through my chest. I knocked twice, as loudly as I could so it would be heard over the thunder. One of his sisters answered. From the way her eyes widened and her face paled I could tell how bad I looked. Hadn’t stopped on the way to Silvermoon from Ashenvale, except to ditch my gear. She opened her mouth to scream so I clamped my hand over her mouth and tackled her inside. Next thing I knew my chest was frozen to the wall, my limbs were being held by shadow tendrils and there was a hammer two inches from my face. Telerian came charging in and told everyone to calm the fuck down, that he knew who I was and that he had told me to come to him if things went south in Orgrimmar. Almost fucking instantly everyone’s demeanor changed. I was released from the wall and allowed to catch my breath. His sister, the one who screamed, closed the front door and stayed still kind’ve wary of me, but more okay with it. His dad, Vyrthen, dropped his hammer and ran over to me, clapping me on the back and putting my arm around his shoulders. “Telerian’s talked a lot about you.” He said, grinning like only a proud father can. I was so fucking confused. I didn’t understand what the fel was going on or what they were doing or why they were acting like they were. He took me upstairs and sat me on the guest bed, which was sooooo fucking comfortable. Was like sleeping on a fucking cloud. Telerian’s sisters and his mom grabbed a bunch of fucking clothes from their rooms and brought them to me to try on and shit. Vyrthen drew a fucking bath for me, Telerian made some really, really bad eggs and brought them up to me. I was too fucking shell shocked by these fucking crazy people to do anything. After they kept babbling and talking and getting more clothes I eventually managed to get them all out and close the door. I stripped of all my wet clothes and got into the bath, which was hot as fuck, but it was fucking fantastic. I started sobbing, everything just fucking got to me then. I felt alone, and afraid, and I didn’t want to be there and I just wanted to go home, but I knew I couldn’t. I’d give anything to be able to go back to then, just then. That would mean I’d get to spend another year with them. With Telerian, and Vyrthen, Elera and Daenrel and Tadrea, and Kaelda. I fucking miss them so much.

I’ll stop now, since I can’t see through my tears. Julilee’s given me a week to decide whether I believe in Sanctuary or not. I have a lot to think about.

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Shokkra    17

Alright, I got jack shit else to do and I can't fuckin find anyone around to Garrison to do anything with so I guess it's time to catch up. First thing I started doing with my grounding was work on a new set of armour. I wish I still had my Kor'kron gear, that shit saved my life so many fuckin times. The imitation set I've been using has been okay up to now, so I melted it all down, took out the bones and used that for the inner layer of plate. The outer layer is a new forge of truesteel, with blackrock iron and some other random shit I found in some places where extra protection was needed. It looks nearly identical to my Kor'kron set, and for the first time in a fuckin long ass time, it works as well too. Threw some knives at it to test out the armour, they just bounced the fuck off. Went with the Grim and Kex'ti to test it in real combat, and it performed fucking fantastically. The re-sharpened bones and tusks worked well as intimidation as well as dealing with a couple cloth-wearing fuckers by goring them. I added some small spikes to the fists and knees as well, per Borghul's old advice. Those work well too, whenever Drokognir got locked I just fucking socked that bitch in the face and down they went. Going out with the Grim was fun too, got a good bit of kills, we won in nearly every battlefield we fought in and the Battlemaster saw fit to reward me with the title of Sergeant, which is so much fucking better than just being another grunt. I had a higher rank with the Warchief, but I'll work my way back to that, maybe higher. So fucking happy that Kriga got that fucking pardon for me, owe him like, a new axe or something.

Anyway, Kex'ti sparred with me last night to train me for Syreena. He has fought her more than like, fucking anyone, so he had a lot of good tips. He won most of the time, but I beat him a couple times, which really fucking surprised me. Tao and Lohd were watching the fighting. I think I did good. I think I can beat her. When I beat her, I'm gonna hack off her other ear and show that shit to the Commander before giving it to Cerryan. I'll show these pompous elf bird fuckers that I can get shit done, that I can be fucking useful to Sanctuary. I have to. I was supposed to talk with the Commander about whether I believe in Sanctuary yesterday, but she wasn't around so I figured we were gonna talk today, but again I didn't see her. She probably has better things to do. Lot of better things to do than talk with me about my existential fucking crisis. Beating Sy will show her that I can get shit done though, that she doesn't have to worry about my loyalty or if I'm worth having in Sanctuary at all. I hope I get to fucking talk to her soon about fucking- fucking anything man. Fuck. I've had like, actual conversations with her maybe five times? That I can remember. Maybe more but they couldn't have mattered that much if I can't fucking remember them. Though I guess that could be said for the majority of Sanctuary. Times talked with Baern: 1. Times talked with Kriga: 5 maybe. Kex'ti: A fucking shit ton. Lohd: A shit ton. Cerryan: A decent amount, we went to Silithus and stuff so we did a lot with that. Breygrah: Once since she's been in Sanctuary. Taozhu: Four maybe? Not a lot. That fucking Faelenor guy left without me and him ever speaking. That's pretty much it without the people that aren't around at all or I've only seen once. That's a load of fucking depression isn't it? I'll try to write about the cool shit.

Rylie, Kex'ti and me went to the faire. That was surprisingly pretty fun. There was like, a fucking petting zoo with these lions and shit, there was a fortune teller, some random fucking games, shitty food, all in all a pretty good time. Rylie's a cool kid. I was feeling pretty shitty when she asked, and I know I was a fucking bitch while we were there, but she fucking put up with it with a feldamned smile. I kinda wanna hang out with her more. Maybe take her hunting, or show her how to skin, I'm not fucking good at skinning but I know a bit from Karthok. Hell, maybe I could teach her to use the forge. That'd be fuckin cool, she could give Kex'ti a knife that she made for him on his birthday or father's day or some shit. Hopefully we'll do more stuff once the Quorum is dealt with. Another thing that happened at the faire is I saw one of the tauren bitches that broke Breygrah out. Coqui, her name was. She sent me a letter afterwords, telling me that her fucking like, tent was open to me in Stonetalon with her lover. That was one hell of a fucking thing to get in the mail for once. I did actually sneak out and head to Stonetalon and fucking hell were they nuts. Soon as I got there, fucking Coqui punches me in the jaw and her girlfriend drugs me. I wake up like a fucking hour later, buck fucking naked, tied down inside the tent with those two looming over me. After the fear that they were gonna fucking kill me passed, it was pretty fun. Helped a lot with the fucking anger and stress and shit. So, yeah, that was last week.

Since I thought that me and the Commander were going to talk yesterday, I told Karthok that I was done feeding him information. I figured that if I cut my ties with him then it'd be better if they ever found out what I had been telling him. He got... really fucking angry. He might do something drastic, I hope he fucking doesn't. I really, really hope he doesn't. I just want him to fucking chill out, fuck someone, go back to the army or hell start training new assassins on his own. Just do something that isn't going to get everyone fucking killed. Fucking idiot.

Oh, one other thing from last week. Me and Lohd talked about Spirit Animals and druids and all of that cool shit. He said that he could do a tattoo of my Spirit Animal, thing for me, or like a ritual marking or some shit. I just need to know what the fuck my Spirit Animal is though, I'd assume it would be a wolf or a worg or something like that. If I had an element to describe me I would use fire, of course. I wonder if it'll look cool or how big the tattoo will be. I trust Lohd to do good job though. He's really fucking good at what he does. I love talking to that big nerd. He's all about the spirits and druids and all that shit, and if fucking anyone else were talking about that shit I wouldn't care, but it's different with him. I want to listen, I want to fucking know more about that tree-hugger bullshit and all the stuff he's done. He just makes it so fucking cool. Hopefully he can get me inked soon, I'd love to have a fucking sick wolf marking on my back and arm and stuff. I am allowed to leave the Garrison now I think, but just to be safe I haven't really, I want to wait for the Commander's word first. After Lohd's tattoo though I wanna get a Warsong symbol, a cool fucking phoenix and a Kor'kron marking as well. Ooh, I also grabbed a skull from the two Dreadlord's I killed. The body turned to fucking ash, but the skull kept so I skinned it and cleaned it and drained it. Dunno what I'll do with it yet, just keeping by the door for now. Anyway, that's my life right now. All in all, kinda balanced out with the good and the bad.

Shit, one more thing. The Kosh'harg is coming up on Sunday. Gonna try to drag a couple people to that, so they can see some Orc culture. Sunday is also... the anniversary of Konro's death. I'll stop by him and Chenoa's grave markings in Crystalsong afterward. Hopefully I don't cry myself to sleep that night.

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Shokkra    17

Lok'tar ogar! Victory or death - it is these words that bind me to the Horde. For they are the most sacred and fundamental of truths to any warrior of the Horde.

I give my flesh and blood freely to the Warchief. I am the instrument of my Warchief's desire. I am a weapon of my Warchief's command.

From this moment until the end of days I live and die - FOR THE HORDE!

What the hell do they think? Do oaths, even blood oaths, mean that little to them? Loyalty to the Clan, to the Chieftain, to the Horde and to the Warchief? No. Of course they don’t. They aren’t Orcs. Even the ones that are, like Cobrak, they don’t know what being in a real Clan is like. Bleeding Hollow, bah, haven’t been together since the Second War. Only ones that are even really united anymore are the Warsong and Frostwolves, all the others have either dissolved into the Horde or broke up into different factions. No respect for Clan loyalty anymore. Just for traitors and rebels. Frostwolves would at least be able to sympathise. They’re traitors like the rest but at least they’d understand, I can understand why they chose to follow their Chieftain instead of their Warchief. Traitorous bastards. They'll never fucking learn.

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Shokkra    17

Ughhhhhhhhh. People are the worst. Just in general. Sure, some people are great most of the time. But then they do one stupid thing because they can’t keep their damn mouth shut then BAM! You faint, the guy you like gets cold and leaves, your brother takes someone’s leg and you get to go home and cry while everyone fucks around like a bunch of fuckin fairies. Faries? Faeries? However the fuck you spell that. Probably should’ve written about this shit earlier but Frea’s been keeping me busy. Real fuckin firecracker that one. Don’t know where the hell she got that from, definitely not from Brey. Frea’s a good kid. Fun as hell to hang out with. Better than most of the little pieces of shit at Borrowed Time. Ever since I agreed to like, “babysit” for Brey the kid’s been bugging me about all kinds of stuff. “Take me hunting”, “Show me how to crush a rock with your forehead again”, “When are we gonna burn that Proto-Drake nest down”, which I mean, I may have told her that we were gonna do that at some point when I thought she could handle it but that’ll be a good while. I’ll take her hunting soon though. Try to bring Rylie maybe, make a day out of it, show ‘em both how to field dress and skin, how to cook it right too. Rylie might already know about the cooking stuff from Kex’ti but I could at least teach her how to make it not like a frilly elf would. Hell, maybe Rylie could start taking care of Frea too a little bit. She could be her like, big sister or some shit. I don’t fuckin know.

So some stuff happened at Cantina the other night which I should probably go over. Everything was going really well at first. Pythral showed up and tried to set me up with some guys. Pai teased me about banging then left, bitch. Coqui came later and that was good for a while then Lohd arrived. When he did and I introduced the two, which is already fuckin weird because I’ve been introducing people a lot lately, and she started asking him about stuff. Normal stuff at first, like what does he do for fun and stuff but for SOME FUCKING INSANE REASON Coqui then asked Lohd when me and him were going to be mated or if we were waiting WHICH IS CRAZY RIGHT? I MEAN FEL’S SAKE WOMAN, YOU DON’T JUST ASK PEOPLE THAT I MEAN you might actually if they had been together for a long time and everyone knew they loved each other BUT STILL LOHD AND ME HAVEN’T EVEN GONE ON A DATE I think I’m not really sure what counts as a date with Lohd because we have drank and talked with each other a lot… sometimes even privately at the Garrison and he said he was gonna make something for me after his next hunt. But friends can do that right? Me and Lohd are just friends aren’t we? Well, actually a bunch of people know I like him a lot more than just as friends but like, I don’t know if he feels the same and wouldn’t it like, ruin our friendship if I told him about that? I’ve gone over and over this in my head. Kex’ti ultimately convinced me a while back but I’m still having doubts. He said that if I didn’t tell Lohd how I felt, Lohd would have control over me, and Shokkra Deathrage was in control of herself. Smug bastard. Gunheya helped me with like all of the wording so I do have something to say, I guess. Its kinda stupid, and not really my thing but I mean, it is better than anything I could write.

AHEM. Don’t know why I wrote that. Not actually talking but whatever, fuck you. And your mother.

“Even the hardest body can appreciate a soft bed. Since I met you I see two parts. The hardened hide the world requires and the softer core that a woman desires

The thickest skin can still appreciate the softer comforts. Since I've met you I haven't felt judged. I let you in, you see me for who I am and you accept it. I've no barriers to raise against you

The loneliest soul still longs for others. You are my comrade but I want more. I laugh, I cry, and I don't understand why. But you're everything I want. If you feel the same. Please, let me know

Even the hardest body can appreciate a soft bed. Since I met you I’ve seen two parts. The hardened hide that the world requires and the softer core that a lover desires.

The thickest skin can still appreciate the softer comforts. Since I've met you I haven't felt judged. I let you in, you saw me for who I am and you accepted it. I've no barriers to raise against you.

The loneliest soul still longs for others. You are my comrade but I want more. I laugh, and I cry, and I don't understand why. But you're everything I want. You are the calm to my storm. If you feel the same. Please, let me know.”

That’s good right? I mean, I think this might be better in a letter or something but that would be even more awkward next time I saw him. Just like, stammering through that in person is probably the best thing to do. At least if he rejects me I’ll know then and there and I’ll be able to get drunk, cry and molest Pai for a few nights.

Lohd says he found a worthy beast for the hunt. Some wolf in Shadowmoon I think. After that he’ll do the ritual marking and stuff. Dora said that would be like, really intimate, knowing someone so well that you can find an animal to relate that to and tattoo that on them. Which I mean, yeah, I guess that’s kinda intimate. If you’re into frilly poetry and roses and candles which I’m not, although it would be kinda nice to be like, romanced and shit. Gun also made a good point that most of my clothes will have to be off for the ritual marking… so I hope that’s not as awkward for Lohd as it will be for me. I figure I’ll tell Lohd about like, my feelings once the ritual is done. Hope that works out well.

Another thing we did is go to the Emerald Dream. Which was cool at first. Then we got sucked into the Twilight Nightmare or whatever the fuck you call it. I still have nightmares about that place. About all that time I spent in that hellhole. Its the only place that scares me. If Sanctuary ever has to go back there, I can’t. I can’t ever go back to that place. I’ll not risk having to go through another Nightmare. The small one inflicted on us when we were forced out brought back enough bad memories. Never again. In addition to that fuckfest, we learned that the Legion is gonna be here within the year. Which is like… fuck man. The Legion? The last time they were here in force was 10,000 years ago and it cracked the fuckin world apart! Fuck! So since then, along with training Frea, I’ve been looking for better armour and weapon schematics, Demon beastiaries, tips on how to fight them, weaknesses, hell even ways demon blood can be used to fight them. I might try to break into Ragefire, make something new in the fires and lava down there. Use Kor’kron and Blackfuse tech to build something of awesome power. See if Thok the Bloodthirsty’s bones are down there still, could make a few things out of that son of a bitch. Would be some great plans and schematics down there too that I could bring back to the Garrison. Hopefully by the time the Legion comes around, we’ll be ready.

One more thing, I totally almost recruited this girl in the Grim to Sanctuary. She said she’d think about joining and hopefully she will. She’s scared of them, and even if she doesn’t join Sanctuary I’ll protect her from those pieces of shit. Hell, maybe I’ll get Khorvis to apologize for tearing her apart last time.

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Shokkra    17

Well… it’s over. Finally. Been dealing with the Dreadlord or Nathrezim threat for how long? Two months? Maybe a bit more? Guess it doesn’t matter. We won after all. For now anyway. Thought I’d feel different once we killed ‘em. Like, a weight would be lifted off my shoulders or some shit. Open a puppy orphanage in my spare time because I’m just so gosh darned happy. But I don’t. This… the Quorum, the demons, the fucking Twilight Nightmare. This wasn’t the end. I thought it was over with Accalia but the Nightmare reared its ugly head again because of the Quorum. Even the Dreadlords we killed, they’ll be back. Just a matter of time. They said we had within the year before the Legion arrived in all its glory. Gives me at least a few months, hopefully, to make some new armour sets, sharpen my axes, all that shit. Whatever those islands were off the Kingdom’s west coast are probably a part of it. I’ll probably be getting new ores from there so new armour might be redundant right now. Always find better ores at the new places. Guess I’ll just keep looking for schematics then.

Lohd. I don’t get him. He keeps throwing me off with different behaviour. Sometimes when things are brought up about me and him, he gets cold, defensive. But other times, like last night, he seemed panicked, and stressed then flew off when I tried to tell him what I felt. I just don’t understand his deal. I asked the Commander to get me alone in a room with him, so I can get everything off my chest and like, get ready for the future and shit. I think he’s still in love with his old mate, the one his brother killed. Rho I think was his name. If he is… I need to know. I need to deal with all these, these feelings and stuff. If he rejects me, I’ll cry, I’ll wallow, but I’ll move on. If he doesn’t, well, guess I could give love a shot right? At least try to like, do that. Besides, if it doesn’t work out there’s always other girls out there. I’ll talk to him soon and update then.

Found something else out last night. Traitor joined Sanctuary. Xerrai Oathbreaker. That whore. Harlot. Cunt. Bitch. Craven. Zanbaur. I’m going to kill her. Went to Oshu’gun and swore it by my blood and by my ancestors. She will die by my hand. I will crush her skull under my boot and bathe in her blood. Her bones will serve as ornaments to my armour. Her skin will be flayed and worn as a cloak around my shoulders. She will NOT survive the winter. Her stay in Sanctuary will be brief. Should she live until the first snowfall I will challenge her to Mak’Gora, since there is no other fitting word. Traditionally Mak’Gora is a duel for a position of leadership in orcish custom. It means “duel of honor” when translated. A duel of honor it will be. Traditional orcish rules, before they were altered by Warchief Thrall, are as follows. Each participant is allowed one weapon, this weapon may be blessed by a shaman of the participant’s choosing, though it is not required. All body armour is forbidden. Each participant must have at least one witness to the Mak’Gora. If both participants refuse to fight one another when the time for the Mak’Gora comes, they are both banished from the clan, which in this case would be Sanctuary. Mak’Gora is to the death, however the victor can choose to spare the loser’s life. I will issue this challenge if she survives until the first snow. Xerrai Oathbreaker will die at my feet, groveling like the coward she is. For all of my brothers and sisters that died because of her cowardice, she will break.

Also Aaren’s gonna design me a kickass tattoo of a purple phoenix and Kex’ti totally thinks I’m his best friend. Also also Julilee never specifically stated she wouldn’t have a threesome with me and Kex’ti, so that’s nice.

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Shokkra    17

GUESS WHAT? I did it! I told Lohd how I felt! And it didn’t end in tears and crippling depression! That’s a win in my book! And in my journal! But it was great! I met him in Shadowmoon and we tracked the Alpha from her den to a hill nearby. Lohd took off and protected me from Ancients while I fought her and the pack. I chased her to a small island by a pond and she called her wolves. There were nine I think, I killed three, four including the Alpha, while Lohd took care of the rest(even though I don’t think that was allowed). Lohd carved out the Alpha’s heart, telling me to drink its blood and eat the heart. So I did, and all these new feelings and senses opened up. I could hear and feel and taste and smell everything, the blood tasted sweeter than it did before, the forest felt more vibrant and alive. It felt primal, like it was coursing through my blood and bones, it made me feel angry, and afraid. It felt like nothing I’ve felt before. I’m still kinda reeling from the effects, but I’ll figure it all out soon enough.

But yeah so, feelings. For Lohd. After the heart-eating I told him everything. I told him the way he makes me feel when he’s around and how much he’s helped me and made things easier. I told him I loved him, and he said that he was starting to feel the same. He actually said that he was falling in love with me. Which is so fucking insane. Whenever someone talked about love and soul mates and all that stupid frilly bullshit I would laugh. I planned to die young and gloriously in battle, giving my life for the Horde. But now… with Lohd saying what he did, I think I have to reevaluate things. Lohd’s vulnerable, much as he puts on a strong face and pushes it down and hides it, he’s scared. I am too, I guess. We’re both afraid, just for different reasons I think. I’m scared because of commitment, of life with someone else, someone who I care about, I think. Lohd’s scared because… I don’t know. He doesn’t want to disrespect his mate, or I guess, the memory of his mate. He still has a lot to go through. I’ll be there for him though, through all of it. I love him and I promised I’d stay by his side no matter what came next.

We talked about the ritual marking as well. We should be doing it within the next couple days, giant badass wolf tattoo. Not sure where it’s going exactly, either on by back and shoulder or up my right arm and shoulder. He started talking with a few other people about tattoos and scars and stuff, I just kinda drifted into a nap. Side note: Lohd is a fantastic pillow. Didn’t really catch the rest of the conversation, think the Madame made a joke about Lohd’s size at one point and something with death by overbreeding. Which in the grand scheme of things, wouldn’t be a bad way to go. Lohd woke me up a bit later and carried me back to the Garrison. Gotta tell Dora about the hunt sometime, also she’s in love with Nok, which is great for them. All in all, things are good. No immediate threats to our safety, no major wars, no demons, no Old Gods, no dragons, no terrorists. Everyone’s okay, everything’s safe.

I hope it lasts.

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Shokkra    17

FUUUUUUCK THAT FUCKING STUPID BITCH ASS PUNK LITTLE PIECE OF ROTTING CENTAUR SHIT FUCKING SHADOWCUNT! I’LL KILL HER! I’LL TEAR OFF HER STUPID HEAD AND IMPALE HER FROM THE NECK! GRAAAAAAAAH!

Okay, that’s better. Undead bitch tried to kill me last night. Tried to poison Sanctuary too because Shun’s a fucking idiot. Cobrak shot her in the kneecap, which was cool. I gave her a death threat too, which I plan on carrying out. I’ve had enough of her shit.

Met up with Dora at BT’s new base. Helped her with gun repairs. She wanted to talk to me about an argument I had with Aziris. Half-breeds and shit. Dora thought I was angry at her or something. So we talked it out, I won for the record. She said I made a lot of good points. So we made up and hugged and exchanged “I love you”s then hung out at Warspear. It was good. Dora’s fun as hell, and I said I’d train her a bit before Torjusk taught us ambush techniques. I really love that girl, even if we get into trouble and arguments. Cobrak said he’d gut me if I didn’t stay away from Dora. His threats don’t matter. She’s my friend, and I’ll stay by her side. Kex’ti said that I had good choice in friends, which I completely agree with. My friends are awesome. Especially Dora.

Right, Torjusk. I met him at the Cantina with Dora a couple days ago. He’s Amani, but he works for the Zandalari. Huge troll, one of the biggest I’ve seen. Really intense, fairly charismatic guy. He had a slave with him, didn’t catch her name. Think he was telling people that she was his servant but based on what I know from Alakroz and time spent fighting the Zandalari, she was definitely a slave. Bore all the traditional markings, talked with a Zandali accent, wore Zandalari clothes and trinkets. She sure can draw though. Sketched a picture of me and Dora hanging out, relaxing and drinking. It was really impressive. Got all the armour right, the hair, the weapons, it looks really good. Dora sent it to me when she thought I was angry at her, and I sent it back to her last night with a letter letting her know she can talk to me about anything. She probably already knew that, but I felt like she needed to hear it again, after Cobrak chewed her out for being my friend, and Tsuyi did too I think, just more subtly.

Anyway, Torjusk, gotta stop getting off track. He talked about how if the Zandalari had put their faith and strength behind Garrosh instead of the Thunder King that we would have won. I agree with him. Even with just the Kor’kron we nearly crushed the revolutionaries. He was really interested in Drokognir, which I can understand. It’s a demon killer, and it sounds like he needs a demon killer. Won’t need the pike though, me and him are gonna be fast friends. He said he’d train me in Zandalari ambushing techniques, he also let me see his pterrorwing. It was a very impressive beast, massive talons and teeth, a pure killing machine. Got me thinking I need a killing machine too, a massive, proud, terrifying beast to serve as my mount. Much as Reaver is loyal and vicious, he couldn’t compare to a pterrorwing, could definitely take down and some dragons though. I’m gonna try to track down some of Galakras’ brood, I know some managed to escape capture. That’ll be sure to strike fear into the hearts of my enemies. A mount worthy of Shokkra Deathrage.

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Shokkra    17

So I guess Dora got cut up by Sy in Warspear because of that fucking idiot Cobrak shooting out her knee. She came by the Garrison before Cantina and told me. She's doing some stupid shit to keep the peace or whatever the fuck. Dora doesn't want me to go after her. So I won't, for her. Ugh, all these people asking me to not do shit that's completely warranted is so fucking stupid. First Kex'ti basically makes me swear not to kill Oathbreaker or he'll kick me out, now Dora makes me not go after someone who fucking hammered and cut her. Fucking bullshit. The fucking price I pay for my friends or whatever the fuck.

Dora decided that I should wear a dress and she should wear a suit to the Cantina. So we did. It was pretty fun. Haven't worn a dress since Silvermoon. It didn't fit quite right, really tight on my everything but it made me look damn good so I'll take it. I did rip the dress, Pai wanted me to ride her bareback so that tore it up pretty quick. I ordered a bunch of dresses from Tahz so I'll give her one of those. Only if she promises to wear it though. She probably wouldn't fit my clothes so I'll get her one special made.

Been talking more with Torjusk. Me and my pet are meeting him tomorrow at his place on the Southfury. Not exactly sure what we're gonna get into, since the Barrens don't seem like the best place to practice Amani ambush techniques. I'm excited though. The Amani's been eyeing me. Whether he's looking for a hunt or something else, guess I'll have to wait and see.

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Shokkra    17

Alright. Okay. Alright okay. Alright. Okay. ALRIGHT. So tonight happened. That was weird. Uh, actually no, not weird I guess. More like, crazy fucking shit man. Fel. I’m still trying to process the whole thing. My heart’s fucking pounding. Feel like I just took on the damn world and won. I want to scream in joy. I won’t, because everyone’s sleeping and that would probably piss them all off, but I want to. So fucking crazy. I’ve never done anything like that. I’ve never defended something like that. I was so scared and I could feel the sweat dripping down my back, but I did it. Damn. I’m fucking awesome. A fucking champion is what I am. Too bad there wasn’t anyone else there to witness me. If Kex’ti or the Commander had been there or hear about it or whatever, I think they’d be proud. Hell *I’M* proud of myself. I was strong, and determined. I didn’t show my fear either, always been good at that though. Not like this though. I could hide behind a helmet and a growl before. I had my brothers and sisters to help me hide my fear.

This time I just had Dora. Thank the Elements for that. I couldn’t have done it without her there by my side. I would’ve faltered. I would’ve been weak. I would’ve said something that- I don’t know what to call it. Something that the old Shokkra would have said. Something weak. I’m not that person though, not anymore. Definitely after tonight. I proved myself tonight. I showed Dora and Torjusk who I am. I showed them that I’m better than I was. That I, Shokkra Deathrage, am a member of Sanctuary. Even if no one else finds out, even if no one else cares, I know who I am now, I think. Can’t really turn back now. Not after how Dora looked at me tonight. Fuck me, I’m fucking awesome. I’m Shokkra fucking Deathrage, Guardian of Sanctuary. I’ll still be angry, sure. I’ll still defend my actions. I’ll still honour the memories of the fallen. But what Torjusk said, what they would think of my joining Sanctuary, what the Warchief would think, doesn’t matter. They died, fighting for what they believed in. The ones who are still locked up, or the ones running, or the traitors, they’re scared of me. Because unlike them, I moved on.

I got better. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been thanks to Sanctuary. I’m better, than I ever was. Not just as a fighter, but like, mentally, and shit. I had friends in the Kor’kron, yeah. I had people I loved in the Kor’kron, people I would have died for. But *I* didn’t. They died for me, so that I could keep living and loving and doing whatever the hell I wanted to do. Sounds so fucking selfish, but they did, and I love them for it. Because of them and their sacrifice, I grew, in a way. I went to Silvermoon and I became part of a family, at least for a while. Then I joined Sanctuary and I found something to believe in again. Something to strive for, to fight for and to die for if needed. I believe in Sanctuary. I don’t give a fuck what the rest think. I don’t care if I get kicked out for some stupid bullshit. I won’t forsake my vows. I’ll keep fighting for Sanctuary, I’ll keep believing in it and loving it and building it and doing whatever the hell I can for it because without it I’d have died. Because of Kex’ti and Juli and Lohd and Cerryan and Kriga and Laxelle I’m still here. Still fighting. I’m a survivor yeah, but I couldn’t have made it nearly this far without them. Without something as worthy as Sanctuary to believe in. FUCK I feel good. I should go hit something. Actually, I will.

Alright, all the training dummies are destroyed again. Didn’t even use my axes just punched the fuck out of them and it HURT but FUCK I’m still so pumped! WOOOOO! That is my consolation for not being able to scream in joy. Maybe I should get this room soundproofed, would certainly help with the noise complaints I get whenever I bring someone back to the Garrison. Would also let me wallow and cry without abandon when I get sad which would be faaaaaaaaantastic. With all that out of the way, I guess I should probably explain what happened eh? Might be a good thing to do. It wasn’t even that that much happened it’s just that what did happen was like, really important to me and stuff. Like, eye-opening self discovery kinda shit. Made me think a lot. Feel a lot. Emotions were high that’s for sure. Tension was too. Crazy ass shit man. I thought I was this close to being in a fight. There wasn’t one, luckily, which was good. It would have fucking killed me if Dora got hurt while I was there to protect her. All turned out relatively well though. Okay, here’s what happened, actually. *ahem*

I met Dora outside Orgrimmar and we rode to the hut on the Southfury that Torjusk is staying at, I think. Him and his slave were there, with a torso cooking on an open flame. There was a Northwatch tabard burning under it, so I can only assume we ate human. I really didn’t plan on that, but at that point I was going with the flow and I ate some. It was charred and black and burnt so I couldn’t quite taste it, which is perfectly fine with me. Dora had some too, I apologizes to her about it later but she seemed relatively cool with it so so am I. Torjusk started talking to me about why we were there and he said that things had changed, that he had been talking with his Hierophant. He told me that instead of just training me in Amani ambush techniques, he would train me to be what could have been if the Zandalari and Kor’kron had united. An Orcish Champion of the Zandalari, to show the Horde what the Zandalari could accomplish. He said there was one problem though. He said they were weak, that I didn’t fit with them, with how I talked, carried myself, what I thought about war and blood and violence. He said that if I left Sanctuary he would train me, otherwise the skills would just go to benefiting the weak. That Sanctuary was just a weak, naive group of cowards except for me.

I told him he was wrong, though. That I belong in Sanctuary and that Sanctuary needs me just as much as I need it. That I believed in Sanctuary and what it sought to do. That yeah, from what I know Sanctuary under Julilee’s leadership has caused more trouble than it did under Vilmah’s. That I wanted it to return to defending Horde lands, and fighting alongside the Grim. That I would fight for peace and Sanctuary’s values until I died. I can’t even remember what I said my heart was pounding so loudly. I thought my ears were going to burst. I thought he was going to kill me. He didn’t though. We didn’t even fight. We talked and I somehow proved how much I believed in Sanctuary and it’s people. He said that even the weak have their fangs, and I was Sanctuary’s fang. I told him that I wasn’t just the fang, I was the whole feldamned maw of the beast, and that Sanctuary needed a killer, a soldier. In the end, he relented, he gave up, said that I had two souls and he would wait until the stronger soul consumed the other. I didn’t respond to that. I just said goodbye and rode off with Dora.

We went to the high rocks by the zeppelins to watch the city. She said she was proud of me. She said that that was the bravest thing she had ever seen anyone do. All I could do was thank her and hug her for being there with me. She cupped my chin with her hand and said something nice, I can’t remember now. Emotions were too high. So, you know, since I was just in shock and like, I don’t know, feeling things, I kissed her. Which I guess uh, surprised her. She was actually really cool about it though. I apologized and she said it was okay, she made a joke about something. I was really, really fucking embarrassed. I think that made it better though, for her. She cooled off and smiled at me, I made a joke about my kiss getting rid of the charred human taste. We laughed and grinned and it was all good. We ended the night looking out on the city, talking about how crazy our lives are. But that we’d never have it any other way. I love that stupid elf girl. After tonight, I can’t fucking wait for what’s next.

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Shokkra    17

I’m so fucking stupid. So stupid. Ughhhhh. Don’t know why I fucking said anything. I shouldn’t have. I really just should have kept my mouth shut and fucking laughed or something. But no. I had to say something sincere and heartfelt that made things super fucking awkward. So fucking stupid. And I lied after. I said I was just joking, that I didn’t feel that way about her. I never fucking lie, I DON’T lie. Yet I did. To her. To someone I care about, someone who I’d protect or do anything for. She trusts me and I lied to her. I had to though. If I hadn’t I don’t know what would happen. I have to lie. I have to lie about this. If I don’t I’ll push her away or ruin everything between us and that would fucking kill me. I love her and I won’t let that bullshit happen. I have to lie. I need to lie. For her. So she’s happy. So she's happy and twittery and gleeful and full of life. I need to lie to her about this. I need to lie. We’re cool now, we got rid of the awkwardness, she doesn’t think I feel the way I do and that’s good. We shared pie and later ice cream that Kex’ti gave Dora. Was pretty good ice cream. Mango or something. One of those exotic fruits. Dora said she told Kex’ti about Torjusk and all that. She said he was really happy about that, I think. That’s good. Wonder if he’ll talk to me about it.

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