Sign in to follow this  
Janaelle

Janaelle's Journal

Recommended Posts

I’m not sure why I’m writing this. J says I should because it helps get out all the thoughts and things in your head so you don’t have to think about them. I’m not sure how that works, or if it makes sense, but I said I’d try, so I will.

Daerik is dead. I have no proof, but I know it was Rylaan. We lost sight of him for only ten minutes, but it had to be him. A mugging in the middle of the Canals with no witnesses? In broad daylight? In front of the Keep? It was him.

Ev is so angry. She wants answers and to rush to the Cathedral and confront Rylaan. She doesn’t understand the protection he is under. Hopefully Trigin will find the girl, and we will know more, but I doubt it. Rylaan has always been ahead in this game of his. Maybe it’s fatalistic of me, but I believe I will not win this time. Still, I will not let him take from me what little of my beliefs I still have. I won’t kill him without proof and I won’t let the others either, if I can stop it.

It is difficult to remind myself that none of this is my fault. I did not kill Dae. I did not lock Ev in a coffin for days. I did not unleash Rylaan on my loved ones, he unleashed himself. I write it, and I know it to be true, but I don’t feel it. For once I find it difficult to not regret doing what was right.

On another note, the Defias No, that is best not written down. I will have to think about everything I put in here carefully.

I will remain here at the Abbey until Ev is together again. There have been too many deaths in her life these past days and she isn’t used to the shock when those dying are people she loves. The Matron and I actually agree on this and she has welcomed us to stay as long as we need. Being home will help her, I hope.

Ev fears being weak, but I wish I could be that open with how I feel. Confession is always weakness. The grave soul keeps its own secrets, and takes its own punishment in silence. That is what I was taught by my brother, but does that mean she hurts less? She does not carry the demons from her past like I do. I tell myself this is because she has not seen and done what I have, but is it true? Maybe he was wrong, but I cannot burden my friends with my fears.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks to J, Trigin knows about what he did during the ‘episode’ he had a few days ago. I didn’t want him to know, but there is nothing I can do about that now. Even J understands that he would never have hurt me if he had known it was me in front of him, but I am not sure if I will be able to convince Trigin of this. I will try, but we will see.

After J talked with Ev last night, I am more inclined to believe she’ll be alright, given time. I will always be grateful to him for saying those things to her. I couldn’t help her, being too wrapped in my own guilt and shame to think of anything that would comfort her. She wants answers, but how do I tell her he died because of me? Because we were friends?

It is times like these I think it would have been best if I had never resolved to return to her and Trigin, but stayed in Northrend, like Rycyn has. Times like these I don’t see how their lives are better with me in them.

And then I read the last paragraph and laugh at my own self-pity. I am pathetic sometimes. It’s good I don’t listen to that voice any longer. It’s weak.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Last night was amazing. The lily Trigin gave to me is exquisit and I will have to speak to a mage about preserving it. Perhaps Ev can help. We discussed his 'condition' as I will now refer to it. He informed me he considers it a medical condition and that his medicine is the alcohol he consumes to keep the memories at bay. Even though it is all very serious, I can't help but find it funny. I suggested we try to cure him of his 'condition,' but he is wary. He worries that he will hurt me, or someone else, and I can understand that, but he worries about that now as it is.

He is also hiding something from me about what he has done while in the control of an 'episode.' His refusal to tell me what he did worries me. It worries me more that he was willing to try to intimidate me into not asking him further. I certainly pushed too hard if he felt compelled to resort to that. I again wonder why I have never found him frightening. If he had given Evolyn that look, she probably would have passed out. Alright, that is unkind; she probably wouldn't have, but she definately would have stopped asking, which is what I should have done. It's just that if we are to go through with this, I will need to know. Being unprepared could make things more difficult than is necessary.

On another note, Bianqua has returned to me my papers. Or rather, Morrice did. Thankfully she was unable to read them, as I do not like the thought of her becoming a target for the Defias. It has also given me the opportunity to teach her to read, as no one has done that for the girl yet. Trigin of course fell asleep during the lesson, but as he knows how to read I don't have a problem with it. I am just greatful he feels safe enough to fall asleep in the open like that once more. That buisness with the noble and SI:7 was unpleasent, to put it mildly.

On the matter of the Defias, I was never able to figure out their last note as to where they were meeting. I am certain that I have long missed it. Next time I will have to put the puzzle together faster. I am not interested in bending to J's will and halting my efforts to discover what they are up to. I have been shot at and my life has been threatened before, this is nothing new nor do I consider them to be more of a threat than Rylaan. Though I really do need to decide what I am going to do with what I have learned.

Even with my refusal to promise that I would not continue to follow the Defias members, J has been in a spectacular mood these past few days. Because of it he's managed to get along well enough with Trigin, though the later is still displeased with J's continued ability to breath. About the only thing they can agree on is that we should kill Rylaan before he causes more damage. They do not understand why I refuse, and I cannot explain it better than I have. I do not know if Trigin ever forgave me for sparing the bastard's life in Nagrand. I hope that he has.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I fear I may have made a mistake. Many of them. To start with, it turns out that I still let my guard down around people I believe I can trust. If I didn't think Rylaan would kill me, I would be certain that would one day be my undoing. I met Micael Goerin of SI:7 for the second time last night, but I can't remember ever having spoken to him before. Is the memory loss getting worse, or am I just noticing it more? I will believe the later until there's proof otherwise.

I am tempted to give him

Hopefully, Trigin is wrong about Micael and my insticts are correct. I do not want to be the cause of Niktika being arrested as she has done nothing wrong that I know of. I still trust Micael and I will until he proves that he is another mindless lackey of SI:7 like I first thought him to be. It would be nice to know they are not all corrupt pawns.

Ev apparently followed me to the Cathedral when I went to speak with Rylaan. The poor girl thought to prove to herself that he had no power over her by speaking with him. She is more rattled than before, but she learned something that may be of value to us later. Rylaan is afraid of the Worgen curse.

I have decided not to go to speak with him again. His gift, sent after my last visit; surely I pushed him to that? And for what? To be completely certain of knowledge I already believed to be true? I spoke with the city guard. She couldn't have been more than 15. But no one saw him leave the Cathedral! Her death is on my head, but I fear she will not be the last. It seems something in him has broken and I am afraid I do not know what he will do next any longer. I know that he is still coming for me, but I do not know what to expect. I hate that I wish he had touched the girl like his last victims. Then I could understand and know what he was doing, but he only killed her. I can only hope whatever it is he is doing, is close to what I thought before, otherwise

I burned the rose. I hope they learn her name.

The nightmares started again last night. I am certain I hid them from Trigin, but I don't know how long I will be able to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are so many things I wish to say, just so they are not bottled up, but I don't want them recorded. I might edit the letter I gave to the Matron requesting Ev to burn this, but that seems a bit melodramatic.

The dreams were worse last night. Possibly the stress? When I awoke this morning, for a moment, I mistook Trigin for Rylaan. It was just a moment, but it's enough. I won't be going back to sleep. I don't need to anyways.

I consider all I could say about Trigin, J or Rylaan, but my thoughts get jumbled. One thought leads into a thought about another in this horrible spiral. Dwelling on it any longer will fray my nerves more than I could stand after last night. I will say I am tired of the games.

I think I have been following the Defias to keep my mind off of everything else. Thinking about it now helps, so that's what I will write about. Recent events have made me doubt two people I previously trusted. In case I am right I won't say their names but it is unsettling. If it's true, this Mr. C has more influence that I thought previously and I will have to work harder to gather information on the goings on of the group.

I worry about them. I truly believe them to be good people, but the tactics the Defias have used to get their way are never right. I pray this is some misunderstanding.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Trigin and Ev are hiding something from me. The situation with Jensonis is beyond my understanding or ability to fix. I don't currently have a home, and am living with Ev. I miss the Dragons terribly and am trying to grieve while remembering how long they've really been gone. I miss Outlands as well, and though I've been trying to entertain myself with my engineering, I'm growing terribly bored.

Reading over my little list of problems I've decided I can fix one and that's what I should focus my energy on. Being bored. Thankfully, I think I have a solution: the previous pages mentioned a surge in Defias activity. The first step will be to find Bianqua and see about those papers. A trip to Stormwind doesn't sound so bad anyways, and I should make a point of going to the Abbey while there. The Matron will be displeased I am not deceased after all.

Ev seems to have gotten more used to me. If what she says of my demeanor previously is correct, I can't blame her for being so unsettled around me. I'm not used to how she acts either, but this seems harder for her. I hope to meet her Terenar in the next few days. I've never seen her that giddy, and certainly never about a boy.

My dreams have been strange, though I thankfully have not woken Ev with them. I should say my dream, as it's the same dream everytime I shut my eyes. It's neither good nor bad, thankfully, but I can't put it out of my mind. There is a tumble of faces, Trigin, Rycyn, Ev, Dae, him, so many people I don't recognise, all surrounding a white rose covered in blood. The blood spreads so it's covering everything around me and then I find myself surrounded suddenly by undead running towards a stone gate where I can see them doing battle with humans. I help a blood elf to his feet and look to to see an orc and a human standing by my side. I walk away from them to where to Trigin is and *there's a large blot of ink as though the pen was left here for a long time* then I wake up. It's as vivid as my nightmares in the past, but I don't wake up afraid, just more confused.

On a more pleasent note, because Light that was all depressing, the elementium dragonling is coming along splendedly. I should be done by the end of the week so long as nothing blows up. I don't think anything will, but it's always a possiblity. Maybe I shouldn't be working on it inside Ev's house.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm calling the worg puppy I found Lucky. Ursie says that I'm supposed to release it into the wild, but he's so cute and I'm afraid that he won't survive in a proper fight with other animals. And he's so small; I know he'll get tons bigger, but he isn't now. I guess that he's right, but I don't really want to get rid of him. He even seems to like Trigin.

Jensonis is here so I should probably stop writing and be polite and talk to him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's four in the morning and I'm still a bit tipsy from last night. I couldn't sleep, thanks to my fantastic dreams, so I'm sitting on the balcony of the Purple Lounge hoping that writing this down will mean I can sleep again.

Drinking last night reminded me too much of the Dragons. I dreamt of us in the World's End Tavern and it was nice, at first, until the dream changed. I guess I should have known it was a dream when the snow started blowing across the floor and between the tables, but I that's how dreams are I suppose. I woke in the middle of the second nerubian attack when we lost Dia. I almost went downstairs to drink the memory of him dying away but I refuse to end up like that. He would have kicked my ass if I did.

The other dream is the reason I'm here and not trying to sleep again. There was this girl, and Rylaan; and I find I can't write down the details without my hands shaking so I guess I won't write them down after all. At least I take some small comfort knowing Trigin and the others broke his body if nothing else and at least it's not my old nightmares keeping me up.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I wonder if Trigin let me leave or if he didn't notice. Either way I shouldn't stay here much longer, but I don't think I'm ready to sleep yet; too many other things on my mind. Things like why I'm moving to Dalaran in the first place. I don't care if he'd rather have me closer, with him joining the Defias I'd wrather be no where near the city. I would prefer to spend more time with him, but it just doesn't seem safe. On the bright side about moving, it is so very nice to be able to sleep in a bed again and the brandy here is quite good. I was surprised to see Don around, as I'd thought he was in the Eastern Kingdoms on buisness for the next month. I wonder how often I will see him in the future.

On a different note, Evolyn has become quite motherly over the last few days thanks to her time spent with that orphan, Dornaa. It was hard, considering how much I had had to drink, not to ask her how long it would be before her and Terenar had a child together. I think she would make a great mother, though I'm also pretty damn sure she'd be too hard on herself. Trigin would also make a good father. *the last few sentences are scribbled out*

The party in Uldum was enjoyable for the most part; I think I should really get around to learning Orcish one of these days. I've heard there will be another one this Saturday, but being out here I don't know if I'll be able to make it. Even with the heat and the fighting, I enjoyed the trip.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so bored. I know I promised Trigin I wouldn't get involved with anything crazy, but I'm not sure how long I can just sit around here. I took a job earlier, trying to have something to do, but fishing for baubles in the sewers isn't fun. At all. I think I'm going to fly around some more, see what I can see and find something more difficult to do. I'll have to make sure it's not dangerous....some how.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had the dream about the rose again last night. It pleases me that I recognized more of the faces I saw spinning about, but it was a lot more disturbing now that I've recieved a third gift from Rylaan. At least I was able to go back to sleep after it woke me.

We told Ev about the roses. Her reactions to things confuse me. On the one hand, she's strong and stubborn; and then on the other she bursts into tears and is flustered by things most people wouldn't blink at. For most people Orphan's Week is just a good time to make some easy gold, but for Ev is more. She was heartbroken to have to send Dornaa back to Shattrath's orphanage; didn't get over it for days. Then yesterday- I don't think I like it when Ev is mad at me. The girl could stand to gain more confidence in herself and yet needs to curb her temper some.

Trigin too could stand to curb his temper, though I can't blame him for last night. I've told J not to come looking for me and I believe he'll listen. And I do trust him to keep our secret, even if Trigin doesn't. It is his life that's at stake after all. I'll find time when Trigin is working to speak with him, that way he'll be safer.

Because J is the second person to ask me about Trigin's new work, I'm going to quit drinking for a while. Micael almost learned what is going on because of my inibility to hide things or lie while inebriated, but thankfully I was able to sober up quickly enough to set things right. Or at least I think I did. Micael can hide who he really is fairly well so I can only guess that he believed me. I really did hate lying to him, but I will do what I have to for Trigin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The gathering at Mar'at ended in violence again last night. I liked the idea of a weekly gathering of people from all factions, but I should have expected that with so many different hatreds brought together that fighting would be inevitable. I will continue to go, though, if for no other reason than I enjoy the city.

Ugraz, though an Orc, doesn't consider himself to be a member of the Horde. He attacked a blood elf that I had met at a previous gathering who he seems to hold a particular grudge against. It occurs to me as I write this that I have yet to learn the elf's name, but I couldn't just sit by and watch as they hurt him. So, against Trigin's advice, I involved myself in the fight. Eventually I managed to convince Ugraz to leave the elf in peace and leave. I am honestly surprised that I was not injured myself and can only hope that this will be the last time something like this happens.

Later when we had returned to Dalaran, Nikaa found us. Or she found Trigin, as it were. She told him she was wrong about C, and that their leader had been a goblin all along. Even though she now wears that SI:7 badge, Trigin agreed to meet her today for a drink and to discuss whatever it was she didn't want to say in front of me. At his request, I will be making myself scarce as he feels she'll be more willing to talk if I'm not around.

I've decided to take my trip back to Outlands today. It gets me away so I don't interfere with his meeting and I finally get to go back. I have enjoyed my recent work with the Argent Crusade, but I haven't felt as useful as I did when I worked with the Dragons. I want that feeling back and maybe I'll figure out how to find it again while there.

I think before I go I will try to find Micael. Though it's probably not the smartest thing I've ever thought of doing, I want to appologize for lying to him. I liked him and he was only trying to do his job. We'll see if he understands.

I dreamt of Rylaan last night. It was my old nightmare, and I blame it on that Danrick and the fourth rose I've recieved. For once, I was able to return to sleep afterwards, probably because I awoke in a place that looked nothing like where he held me and because Trigin was there. It wasn't easy, but I refuse to let that bastard be a part of my life forever.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yesterday was quite eventful. I spent the evening in the Mages Quarter and had hoped to see Veirdan again, but after tripping on him on the way to the Blue Recluse the other day, I imagine he could have been around and I wouldn't have even known. I had wanted to see if he was doing any better, but that will probably have to wait now.

I met an elf named Fennore last night; a friend of Ranavos' who, unlike some people I know, knows how to relax and enjoy himself with and without a good drink. Like Don, he would make a great drinking companion, but it might be best not to drink with him to often. Between my inebility to decieve while inebriated and his close ties with the Church we probably wouldn't get along for long. It was difficult enough to keep my mouth shut when Trigin and Ev asked me about it later, and of course I eventually broke down and started half babbling, half ranting at Ev. These thoughts only ever get me in trouble and I really need to learn to keep my damn mouth shut.

I'm probably not giving Fennore enough credit, but my experiences with others dedicated to the Light, working for the Church or not, has been scetchy at best. At least I know for certain he's not as bad as that Scarlet and her pet priest. I despise people who think themselves superior, especially when they serve the Light. I see nothing about being a paladin or a priest that makes one better than anyone else. And she must have been damned stupid, or thought I was, to try that innocent act with me when I confronted her. I had been standing there, watching her enjoy torturing Ran and she had the gall to claim she was just trying to help him.

Because of everything that happened yesterday, minus talking Ev into jumping off that cliff, I've left for Westfall to see what I can do to help people out there. I asked Ev to let Trigin know where I've gone. From what little I've seen thus far, I continue to not regret being apart from the Church. I would take back nothing I said or did and I will certainly not change my ways. Especially if Fennore does for the Church what I think he does, but that thought may just stem from my bias against the Archbishop. I always think the worst of that man.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am going to be cooking tonight. Gathering the supplies was more of a chore than I expected, so hopefully he likes some of what I make. Next time I'll probably end up going to Outlands for the ingredients so I'll have to make sure he knows I'll be gone for a bit. He was quite displeased with how late I got home last night as is. I would have been back sooner if I hadn't heard about Don's new ship. How was I supposed to not go see him after hearing the ship's name?

Sayteevah. I swear that woman will always haunt me. The ship is beautiful though, and the crew friendly enough, so I have to admit I was tempted by Don's offer to sail with him. His adventures have always seemed so grand and I still have yet to find a purpose since I woke up. I can't help but be tempted, but I have truely never been good at sailing, nor ship-board combat, so it would be an ill fit. I don't regret saying no, though, I do love our new home.

I know he's up to something, most likely illegal, but I'm not entirely certain what. He has gotten very good at lying since I last knew him so I don't think I believe his story about serving the King; he was never a fan of Varien's, after all. I never knew the man to stray from the water long, so at least whatever it is, he'll be enjoying himself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dinner last night went well. *several lines are scratched out* That was embarrassingly sappy. No one must ever read that.

I think Lucky likes the farm far more than the city, but he still has yet to stop begging. We feed him, and a few moments later he's next to my chair, or Trigin's, begging for more. It's adorable, but anyone coming to visit would think we starved the poor thing. He's getting larger, like we expected, but I don't think I can still ask Don to take him when he's grown. Worgs don't belong at sea.

I left for Stormwind this morning and thankfully the teleporter didn't malfunction. I do not enjoy being a kobold, trogg or murloc. I took care of the shopping I needed to do to cook again and I was headed to the Recluse to meet Trigin when I remembered I was supposed to help out the Saldean's today. Then after I got here, it occurred to me I should have let him know where I was headed, but I have apparently left both my radio, and J's, back at the house. If I'm very, very lucky he'll spend the day drinking and won't notice that I'm not in the Trade district, or the city, at all.

After I finish lunch there won't be too much more I need to do around here and I can head back. A few of the kids are sick and I'm going to see what I can do to cure them. The watchers are acting up again, so after that I'm going to try to take one apart and see how it works. Maybe I can make one that will kill the rest of them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I couldn't sleep last night. The dreams are back. Hopefully it was just last night. When I gave up I went out to the porch and just sat there watching the rain. And the ships. I can see them sometimes, riding out the occasional storm off the coast from us. As always I wonder where they're going, who's on them and what adventures they'll have.

I'm honestly terrified I'm going to screw this up. I always thought there was a reason I left like I have. First the Abbey to be like my brother, then Kev and Trigin out of guilt, then just Trigin out of fear, and maybe that's all true, but maybe it's not all of it. I am perfectly happy now, and when I told him a few days ago I would never want to leave this life we've made I meant it and I still do, but now it's back. I don't even know how to describe it, just this itching to go and do something, to be part of something. To not do this, what I'm doing now, forever.

Don asked me to join his crew. To take up the same job I had with the Dragons and be a healer again. And Light help me, I want to say yes. I know Trigin will think it's because I want to be closer to Don, or something else ridiculous, but I swear to the Light it is not that. I took care of the Serpents, then the Dragons and now what do I do? I work with the Argents in a land that no one will EVER live in to clear it of undead who aren't going anywhere. I'm not a part of anything. The world is falling to pieces and I'm tending rams.

I feel awful. I know if I go I won't be back for months and as much as I want to leave, I don't want to leave Trigin. But I know Don won't let him join because Trigin's right, he's trying to win me back. I told Don no, and that's going to stay my answer as long as I can keep it that way, but I remember when I was with the Dragons and I would get this way about seeing Trigin I would either have to go see him, or I'd do something intensely stupid. I guess this means I'm actually choosing stupid this time.

What is wrong with me?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Shortly after Trigin went to sleep last night, I left. I couldn't sleep. Luckily Ev was still awake and I was finally able to talk to her about the other day in Tanaris. She asked if I wanted her to talk to him for me, but I don't honestly know if it would do any good. He's as stubborn as I am and he has a right to not trust me. I'm not sure I would either. Talking to her did help, though, and afterwards I was able to go to sleep again. Neither of us were certain how to make the nonsense stop, though and maybe that's why I didn't get much sleep.

I'm currently working for the Praetorian Guard looking for a Creedy Crankshank who was abducted by a Spymaster Crutch. From what I've been told, the gnome is probably still alive so hopefully we'll find him soon. I've made up some missing posters and am handing them out to people. There's been two people who seem to be interested in the reward money already.

If Renny hugs- yep there she goes. Stupid elf shouldn't be toying with her like that. I hope she bruised him. Maybe I shouldn't have had her do that? No, he really did deserve it. Renny isn't a dog. *there's a long streak of ink running across the upper half of the page*

Stupid elf. Had to turn my trick back on me. At least she let go fairly soon.

Anyways, so this Crutch seems to have kidnapped Creedy to get some kind of schematic or something from out of the King's vault. He then disguised himself as Creedy and created a Defias uprising to distract from his real purpose. As Creedy was a member of the Guard, they're - I suppose we - are especially keen on finding him alive.

Maybe they can give me what I've been looking for, or I'm doing the stupid thing I mentioned last time. Either way, it keeps me going back to the farm at night. *there's another long streak of ink across the page*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm exhausted. Around four I gave up on sleep, instead going out and doing some work around the farm like I told Trigin I would. It made me feel like I was 8 again, except I was much more useful and my family wasn't there to make fun of me when I did something wrong. I try not to think about it, but I do miss them. I haven't even thought about them in ages now, thanks to Ev and Trigin. It must be the lack of sleep causing me to do so now.

The dream about the undead was no different than before, but the feeling it left me with was worse. This nagging dread that I still can't shake off. I imagine it's just because of what happened with Ranavos the other day. Light, I can't believe I kissed him. And then I hurt him! The same thing that I told that Scarlet was wrong, I did, but he drove me to it. I don't understand why he wouldn't just leave. He told me once before that his "master" is that paladin I met from the Church, Urivial. At some point today or tomorrow, I'll need to speak to him about what happened.

The search for Creedy seems to be going no where, though there are many people interested in the reward money. I'll need to get in contact with Niktika or Audrea as I think that woman I saw the other day who claimed to be married to the Forsaken could help us. Sprung may know who she is; if I see him again, I'll be sure to ask him. I have yet to run into Micael or Nikaa, but then again I've been heading back to the farm early so Trigin wouldn't think I was up to something. Tonight, I'll have to stay until I find them. Or Veirdan; he was also in the Defias and he might know something of use as the others I've talked to have been less than helpful.

I couldn't find Ev, yesterday. I wanted to know if her talk with Terenar had gone well, but she must have turned off her radio. Hopefully, she'll make her way to Stormwind as I don't think I'll have time to run out there again. I suppose I should tell her where I found him so she can chase him down next time - if there is a next time - but I don't want her out in the Ghostlands. No, I'll tell her and suggest to Terenar what might have happened if she'd gone looking for him and run into a Blood Elf patrol. That should do it and if it doesn't, I'll have to trust her to look after herself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Beckett is probably insane. Speaking to him acomplished nothing, but I suppose it was worth a try. Though, I should have known better than to expect someone from the Church to take a warning seriously. They're always so arrogant; if they don't see it, it can't possibly be true.

The search for Creedy hasn't gotten any better. I spoke with Micael about it, knowing he had to know something about the Spymaster at the least, but with no luck. Again I should have know better; he said he knew nothing of the goblin and then gave me some coordinates in Loch Modon. If what Nikaa said is true (and I see no reason she'd lie), then he can't be trusted, so if this is some damn wild goose chase I'm going to be a bit pissed. SI:7 or no, as a paladin he should be concerned that someone's life is on the line here.

I read the above and I really think the lack of sleep is getting to me. Beckett is not insane, maybe a little touched, but not crazy. Micael probably can't be trusted, but I know he wanted to help. If he does send me on a goose chase, it'll have been unintentional.

I felt bad getting up after tricking Trigin into going back to sleep. We can't both be exhausted, though. Something terrible is coming and we have to stop it, whatever it is. We're going to need to be at our best and I don't care what he says, he can't be at his best when not sleeping.

Light, didn't that come off paranoid? Ranavos has me overly worked up about this dream; I sound crazy. Like that Taram girl - she's also having dreams. Maybe I should speak to her? No, I'm not going to give into this any more. They're just dreams and nothing bad is going to happen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was able to sleep last night, thanks to Ursie's tea. No dreams, and I was even able to sleep in a bit. If the dreams continue tonight and the next night, I'll get some more of it. I don't like how I get when I'm that tired. I even argued with Trigin about morality; I know better than that, or at least I should. I'll have to be careful, though, because it would be very tempting to drink nightly to prevent all my dreams.

I'll have to keep an eye out for that man I helped in the stockade. If he makes his way back to Stormwind again there will be problems. Again. I wonder who he was and why he even came to the city. I've never met a human that couldn't speak Common before; it was certainly an interesting experiance.

Trigin has yet to bring up what he read in this thing and our argument. I wonder if it's because he believes me, or if it's because he just doesn't want to talk about it. Either way, I'm not going to bring it up again; I hate hurting him. Maybe I should stop writing in this as I'm obviously not able to censor myself like I had planned. Or maybe I should just let him read the damn thing. I shouldn't be keeping anything from him anyways.

It was good to see Ursie again. We haven't been as close as when we traveled together and I miss it, or him, I'm never sure which. After last night he'll probably be around at least. I know I worried him with how I was acting, but I'm sure he's greatful we're not in the wilds any more.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

*the writing on this page looks as though the owners hand was shaking slightly as they wrote*

It is just a dream!

I will not forget to take the tea again. It made me sleep too long or I'd use it now. This is so stupid. I'm going to Stormwind, or maybe the plaguelands. I don't know, just somewhere.

*The bottom of the page has been torn off*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Things have been complicated. Nika found Creedy. She believes it's a set up or trap. I'm not so sure myself, but I know better than to dismiss her instincts. Niktika and Audrea are putting together a rescue attempt on Saturday. I hope that it won't be too late. I hope Nika is wrong, if she's not

My dreams - The tea is no longer working. The first time, it was bad. I think because I didn't expect it, and because of what I saw.

The rest of my thoughts are too scattered to put down. Like trying to catch fireflys. Trigin is wrong; I will be fine.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know what to do any more. There is something wrong with Jensonis, but he refuses to say what. Instead he has insulted me on multiple occasions. I try to be understanding, but the things he says hurt and everytime Trigin finds out it gets worse. It's always, I told you so and you never listen and he hasn't changed and~ that's unfair. Trigin has every reason to hate Jensonis. I'm just so tired and all I can think about is what he did. I think I got an hour of sleep last night and I didn't even dream. It was just impossible to fall asleep after what happened. I gave up eventually and tried to do some work around here, but I can't do anything that requires dexterity as my hands don't always want to do what I tell them, when I tell them. Trigin is around, though we have yet to speak. I suppose he's still 'cooling down.' I don't know what's going to happen. Jensonis and I didn't even speak after Ev and him found us, but even so we're here. How am I supposed to stop being Jensonis' friend? How do I just stop caring? If I could, would I want to? Wouldn't that make me not me? The cat's back on the roof; Trigin will be annoyed. I think I'll try to sleep again, the water against the dock is pleasent.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Things are a bit surreal. I was actually able to sleep last night though the price of that seems to be Ranavos' death. I might have found a permanent place amongst the Guard, which has satisfied my need to be a part of something, thankfully. I am even being trusted with information we are gathering on the Horde that are planning an attack on Stormwind.

Creedy's rescue went surprisingly well. He is alive, though possibly not completely sane; I saw him talk to a rock at one point. Nika was right about it being a trap, though the force we mustered was big enough to engage them on equal enough terms. Not that no one was injured, but no one died and that's what matters in the end, if you ask me. Audrea asked me to lead the operation, but I was able to talk her out of that. I'm just not comfortable with that kind of thing.

I don't remember anything of Ranavos' death and maybe that's why it's so hard to believe that he's really gone. Trigin says I was under his control, like he was in my dream. It's possible I changed what happened when I told Ran what I was dreaming of that day he showed up at the farm. Obviously he didn't try to kill Micael and he didn't try to control Trigin. My arm is killing me, but I'm glad Trigin and Renny stopped me from hurting anyone.

I am disapointed I was unable to stop Beckett from killing Ranavos. The paladin is clearly one of those who regards his own actions as right and just without actually thinking them through. Taram was truely broken up about it from what little I remember, but there is little that can be done about it now. The fact that she left with him though, did surprise me. I can't possibly understand what she's going through, I'm just glad I am not torn between men like that.

Having Evolyn over after it all happened last night was relaxing. She was kind enough to cook for us, though Trigin will probably never admit he hated the frog legs. It was sweet that he hid it from her; she would have been quite hurt. Her and Terenar are doing well, though I'll have to make a point to not tease her about the having kids thing. I disliked her turning that question on us.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wasn't going crazy after all. The voice I was hearing really was Ranavos and he's not actually dead. Talking to him was unnerving, but I'm glad he's not gone. Before Altherion did whatever he did, Ran was a good man; he could be that way again.

After talking to Beckett, I find the man more enigmatic than before. I wonder if I should take the fact that he eventually did confide in me to mean he can be trusted, or that he lied about it first to mean I can't still. I suppose I will have to do what I usually do; trust him and hope for the best.

Nika is another person I just can't seem to figure out. One minute she seems to think Trigin's going to kill her, then next she's laughing and dismissing the fact that he's treatening someone as typical male bluster. She seems like a good person, but I would expect her to know better than to judge someone's past without knowing it. Especially with her reaction when we judged Micael the same way. I think she might be sicker than she's letting on. I should find Micael.

I really don't think Trigin would have done anything until that man started insulting his parents. After that I had honestly hoped the other would at least acknowledge he'd done it and I could have tried to talk Trigin into leaving, but I think whoever-he-was forgot he said it shortly after it came out of his mouth. Nobles like him are the reason Westfall is in the state it's in.

The two of them having a real dual with pistols and ten paces and then shooting each other is still a little hard to believe. It was like something out of one of the stories my brother used to tell me. Part of me thinks I should have left the both there in the grass instead of healing them, but I was just relieved neither of them ended up dead. Come to think of it, I really should have gotten his name.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this