Clys' Journal - Part 2

[clys]

A page from Clys' journal -

I am outraged. There's no other word for it, and even that is not sufficient. I am angry beyond words. That stuck up, arrogant, holier-than-thou person who I used to call a friend, Skafloc, actually spent his time last night calling my beloved Whispersoft every kind of evil name...whore...slut...betrayer... And in the process he revealed what he *really* thinks of me, as well. He thinks I'm an old fool, unaware of what's going on around me. He thinks he understands love and commitment, but he has his head so far up his ass he's looking out his navel.

And...here's the kicker...it turns out all he really cares about is my money? Who's going to get the inheritance when I die? What a tiny, pathetic person he turns out to be after all.

Let me explain what true love and commitment actually are. True love is when you love a person for exactly what they are. You love their flaws. You love their strengths. You love their desires and their hates. You love them completely and utterly, without a speck of illusion about who they are. And you love them forever.

The idea that the only true love is one in which there is no sharing is stupid. How can love be increased by vowing to never touch any but one person? All you've done is put an artificial restraint on how much love you'll allow into your life. And...it's dishonest. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has desires for more than one person. Those that say they don't are lying. So if you're going to love someone as they truly are...an not some illusion of them...you're going to have to deal with what their actual desires are. Even if you don't share them.

It takes the strongest kind of love to care *that* deeply. It takes the strongest kind of love to take the pain of knowing your darling one wants to touch someone else as well. It takes the strongest kind of love to admit that you also have other desires. It takes the strongest kind of love to be honest about all that, and to still love each other beyond words. It takes the strongest kind of love to love without illusion, forever and ever, never to be parted.

THAT is the kind of love I have with Whispersoft. I know that we are bonded for eternity. I know that our hearts beat as one. I love her as she is. I wish to change nothing. I will not stop her from pursuing any desire she has. I will rejoice in her always, in her life, in her love, in her wonderful and unique take on everything the world has to offer.

Eternity with her is not nearly long enough. Let others call us whatever names they wish. I KNOW that our love is true, and that what they have is but a pale shadow of real love. Let them cower behind their vows of fidelity. It is nothing but a lie.

---there is a space here, as if she came back later to write more---

I was speaking of eternity before. Skafloc did do me one favor. He got himself killed, showing me the flaw in my immortality methods. Those have been fixed now. It is no longer possible to kill me, or Whispersoft. Even if we were burned to ashes, even if our spirits were blasted to the nether, we would still reconstitute. We are now fully able to resume our lives at will, in another location if necessary, whether or not we can recover our bodies. This makes the whole issue of 'inheritance' that seems to bother Skafloc so much, a moot point.

Nonetheless, he has angered me to the point of action. I am removing him from my will entirely. I am naming Whispersoft my sole heir, and Izrail after her, should neither of us survive, although that's impossible. I'm doing it for the legality of it, and to shut Skafloc out. I will be glad when he turns to dust before me. So much for trust and loyalty.

[clys]

Once again I have been forcefully reminded of my own insignificance, ignorance, and stupidity. It always happens when I trust people, and yet I continue to wax hopeful, and extend my trust, only to have it shattered once again.

The one person I would have sworn was forever mine has left me. My heart is ripped asunder and the pain is beyond imagining. I cannot even write about it other than to acknowledge that it is there. Whispersoft...why? I gave you all I had to give...even your freedom...but you were not content. I held you with an open hand, asking nothing of you, yet still you pulled away, wanting to be single, and free of me, free of my love. I will never understand. For I love you now as fervently as I ever did. I cannot, and will not, withdraw my love from you, regardless of what you do. You have gone, but I love you eternally.

The shock of Whispersoft's leaving was followed by another, lesser one. The University suddenly and without warning or explanation expelled me. I spent some time talking to the faculty members, yet even the Headmistress was unable, or unwilling, to explain to me what I had done to warrant such a sudden and irrevocable dismissal. No charges were brought against me. I had no chance to respond to any accusers, or to explain any actions of mine. No one would even tell me what I was supposed to have done, other than to say that I "made people uncomfortable." If that is grounds for dismissal, then most of the students should be expelled. Everyone makes someone uncomfortable at some point.

It is not a big deal from my perspective, other than the inability to defend myself. Rumors are flying about why I was dismissed, and having been barred from the campus I cannot engage any of my former classmates in a discussion about it. Once again, I fear, my reputation will grow all out of proportion to any reality. Not that I care, truly, but it is a bit annoying.

And so I find myself unexpectedly in need of a new place to work, a new place to put my effort into, some kind of haven for my shattered soul. When Broxigan called to me last night inquiring about his eyes, I told him that they were indeed ready for implantation. He then asked me how I was doing. Apparently he had already heard of my situation. He is blind, perhaps, but he knows what is going on more than most.

To my surprise, he offered to speak to the Warboss about me. To my further surprise, she opened the doors of Sanctuary to me, welcoming me into their midst. I hope that it is fate that has brought me here. If there is anything I need right now, it is a sanctuary. Will I find friends within? Time alone will tell.

In the meantime, I have hired the assassin Agaliarept to be my head of security. She will act as my personal bodyguard, and information gatherer. I have already asked her to investigate Sanctuary. If this is to be my new home, I need to know where I stand with the various members. Agaliarept is a bit young, but she has a way about her that pleases me. I took the precaution of shadow-binding her to my service, which she was glad to do. She sees this job as a grand opportunity. I have promised to write her a glowing letter of recommendation, to Ravenholdt, assuming that she performs well. And I believe she will. I will rest a bit easier knowing that she is watching my back.

My Master at Arms, Pelerin, has restated his faith in me. He is not concerned with rumors. He knows me, and remains loyal. I have plans that will require his talents, soon.