Letters

[Izrail]

A stack of papers left on a table in Visant and Izrail's home. They are all in poor shape. All of them are wrinkled, some are torn and glued back together, some are singed in some places, many are blotched with ink and riddled with holes as if stabbed with the pen. The handwriting becomes progressively more frantic and less legible. Still, each fragment of a letter is readable. It is clear there was more but the missing pieces are nowhere to be found.



Dear Visant,

Please do not talk to me about the contents of this letter. I have not been able to talk about it without

[Izrail]

Dearest Visant,

I suggested I write to you because when I write the screaming is not so loud. If I tried to talk I would explode or die or cry and get snot everywhere or get mad and destroy things.

[Izrail]

Visant, I do not know how to begin this letter so I will just write what I want to say. My parents

This was a stupid idea and I am the stupidest idiot in any world.

[Izrail]

My mind is pushing and pressuring me to shut down and forget I told you I would do this. You can tell me about anything any terrible thing without losing control and these simple things I cannot even think about without trying to become stupid. A'dal told me not to do that and that nothing was so bad it needed to be switched off from you. I know I wrote about it before but every time I do I destroy it so I could forget and not read it and remember.

[Izrail]

The official story is that a burglar came in and raped and murdered her but not in that order. The story is that he found the burglar defiling her dead body and he killed the burglar but was too late to save her. Actually it happened more the way your mother died

[Izrail]

When the troll spirit was talking to me in my dream she told me a story. Enough details were left out that it could have been about your mother and Lasair or my parents.

[Izrail]

She was a selfish whore who had an affair and when she was gone we cut her image out of every portrait which is why I do not have any not to mention the Scourge destroyed it all anyway and when I try to think about what she looks like I

[Izrail]

The whole time she was dying the troll spirit said she was praying for my safety. She did nothing but adore me and I hated her so now I hate myself even more. It was not her fault but I kept blaming her whenever I bothered to remember her. Now when I try to think about what she looks like I see that stupid troll spirit laughing at me because it decided to look like her while it talked to me.

I want to see her again and tell her I am sorry I also want to see her again so I can kill her myself and I hate that.

[Izrail]

He was a well respected high battle priest who fought and defended our lands and died protecting the city from the Scourge

[Izrail]

I hate them both. I want to travel to every world they exist and kill them. I want to know why they were so fucked up and why I am supposed to love them despite that. I hate loving and hating at the same time. I just want one or the other. One or the other is more quiet.

[Izrail]

Vironyal was the first person to tell me about sex but he gave me a very clean and family friendly or medical version. I do not know where he got his ideas because no one else in the family had them. They pretended to but they were all twisted. I saw her screwing some stranger and brought Vironyal to show him because he did not believe me. He was old enough to know better. There was a little alcove or room no one could see us in and we saw everything. We saw her screwing the stranger and we saw our father come home and do to them what Lasair did to your parents. The "burglar" died quickly I guess everything I know about revenge I learned from him because it took her FORFUCKINGEVERTODIE

[Izrail]

Vironyal kept me from making noise and we hid. After a while he made me look away. He told me not to tell anyone and that became a bad habit. Tabrys knew all along. I had Selthea fuck her and she seemed to enjoy it. I mean her lips said no but her hips

I HATE MY FAMILY. The Nex'Cruors have NOTHING on the Stillwaters. NOTHING.

[Izrail]

At the funeral some stupid relative no one introduced me to kept telling me to stop crying and be more like my brother and father who were switched off and blank and I kept thinking I was going to die

[Izrail]

Some priests have Silence spells that last a long time. I wonder if your mother tried to scream. I guess I could ask her.

[Izrail]

It was ten years ago.

[Izrail]

This was the best I could do. Once I start reading what I wrote I start to destroy what I wrote. I have to stop and take a potion and go to sleep. I am terrified to talk about any of this. Right now I am just tired. This is all I could salvage. There was more. I have to stop. I am sorry. Please hurry up and read it all before I burn it and then put it somewhere I cannot find so I can forget I wrote it. I know I am not supposed to do that anymore but I have to. It is too hard and I have nothing to help make it stop because of the curse. I am sorry. I wish I could be like you and just say it. Please do not make me say it. Please do not ask me about it. You can write to me about it. I can write back when I can. Please do not make me talk about it. I cannot do it. I need the potion. Goodnight.

[Visant]

Notes written in Visant’s neat handwriting have been added to the pile of ragged letters.

Izrail,

I did not know any of this, though I suspected something was amiss when you would not speak of your parents. Lasair had gathered information about you but I never read the file, hoping someday you would speak to me about your past directly. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me, even if it is in this unusual way. I still do not understand everything, so I will leave notes here for you to read and answer if you want to.

Visant

[Visant]

I feel very foolish doing this, are you sure we cannot simply talk about this face-to-face?

[Izrail]

Much neater handwriting on clean paper.

Visant,

Sometimes I do not know what comes over me and makes me do things like this. I do not know why I thought leaving this pile of garbage for you was a good idea. Looking at it is bothersome. Maybe we can talk about it later.

Love always,
Izrail

[Visant]

Another note, written in Visant’s neat hand, folded up and left on a table.

Izrail,

Nothing you have to say to me is stupid or garbage. I want us to be able to talk, to stop concealing these painful things in forgetfulness. Yes, leaving you notes when we sleep in the same bed makes me feel foolish, but it is worse to imagine you silent and fearful.

I want to know about your mother. Not about her extramarital affair, not her death, but about how she was before that. I want to know about your brother, how he came to such an odd profession. I want to know about your family, your life before we met.

Please do not hide from me, love.

Visant

[Izrail]

Visant,

All of my ancestors are dead. If what Diomades said is true then they are all watching me. They are not giving me privacy. Trust me. They are all twisted and evil! If anyone of them is watching me write this then FUCK YOU. I mean them not you, Visant.

Except my mother because I think she was mostly all right except for being vain but who is not vain? And so she slept around, big deal, she was nice anyway. There has to be a way to make them go away. Now every time I feel like someone is watching me it is going to be them. I could vomit. I hate Diomades. I hope he dies.

[Hellista]

((ROFLMAO you rock, Izrail))

[Chikt]

I hate Diomades. I hope he dies.

((Take a ticket and get in line.))