Advice Needed:

[Sifar]

Sifar paces back and forth in the open guild hall. A pen and paper sit on the table, neglected. She glances at it again, then turns away to pace once more.

By all that keeps us safe, she thinks, why can I not figure this out on my own? I'm sure there is a simple solution, but I cannot come up with it. It isn't as if lasses haven't needed this information before... Blast it all!

Sitting down, she finally begins to fill out the form.

Heading: Information Needed

Description: Young woman seeks information regarding methods, devices, or mixtures for preventing childbearing. Prefers natural approach. Must be proven effective.
Please submit recommendations to the address below.

Address: Goblin Box 5397, Booty Bay



Quickly, she stuffs it all in an enveloped already marked Twisting Nether Gazette. Dashing out the door, she goes direction to the mailbox and slips the envelope inside. She glances around to see if anyone noticed then tries to casually make her way back to the hall.

[Keeju]

Keeju loved the comics in the Twisting Nether Gazette. Especially the one that starred Zelphie the Gnome. It always made her laugh. Sometimes Recipes of Madame Zul'ada had some interesting cooking recipes, such as that previous one that asked for 'boar' meat which Keeju knew was actually a sly way of hiding the fact it was a rewrite from 'How to Cook Man.' Usually nothing else caught her eye.

Today she flipped over to the personals and want ads. There was the usual personals from inmates, asking for love and sketchings. There was one cryptic one which only stated, "You, long black hair. Demon smile. Me, golden locks. Roguish laugh. Here's to you gorgeous!" Then at the bottom of the list she saw the ad seeking information.

She read it a few times just to make sure the words were right because she still wasn't sure about reading in orcish and the Gazette hadn't been wiling to translate to other languages unless the readership was larger. She stopped a guard and asked, "What dis word mean?"

The goblin squeaked at her. "Effective. That means useful."

"And dis?"

"Recommendations... it's like... what you think would be good for it." He peered at the paper and he clucked his tongue. "Better just to wrap that rascal in hide."

"She be asking how to stop making bebe eh?"

"Looks so."

"Mebbe ah git choo to write someting fah Keeju in da goblin language? Ah pay fah dis."

The guard looked around and he nodded reluctantly. "Though keep an eye out for a guy who looks like a supervisor. He already shifted me to graveyards for taking a smoke break when I wasn't supposed to."

"Dat okey. Keeju watch." Her eyes glistened and she focused on each person nearby, seeing through their eyes for only a moment, then passing onto the next. "Write dis down..."

A letter written in goblin arrives in postbox 5397 with what looks like a tuber, a necklaces with a pouch and a bag of some kind of smashed up herb mixture.

In the night when the moon is full, take this tuber and smash it with a red rock on the shores of salt water. Make sure the rock is red. Take the water from the sea in a conch shell. Any conch shell will do. Invoke the Loa, Baron Samedi of dead spirits to make your body dead to the quickening of life. On the rock, mix the mixture into a paste and pour the herbs into the mix. Keep speaking to Samedi, he likes to listen, but do not let him trick you as he will do so and take your life with him. You only want him to stop life from taking in your belly. With the mix into a paste, scoop it up into the bag connected to the necklace. Wear the necklace around your neck and you can have all the sex you want.

Shortly after, a few of the goblin guards were caught with pouch necklaces around their neck of a stinky mixture. Finally the Cartel banned the necklaces for the stench was driving away customers.

[Tillna]

((Good lord...RUN! Bwahaha...Troll anti contraceptives...lawls