Changeling

[Niethan]

It's been a while since I've kept a journal. I used to, but they kept getting stolen, or lost, or used to plug up some dangerous hole to a hell dimension (okay, that one was my fault). I figured I'd give it another try, though, if only for sentiment's sake. The last time I really kept a diary was long before Sanctuary, when it was just me and Sigrun living out of a backpack, with one skin of water and just a few snacks to spare. Everything we needed, we found along the way. Sure, I was a bum. But I was a happy bum.

I never had a journal as a kid-- I was often told to keep my throughts to myself anyway, so its not like I needed somplace else to put them. Inside my head was a big place, even then, which years later I recognise was odd. I don't recall the other children being very imaginitive, or maybe its just that I was on the further end of the scale. If I wasn't at my studies or fighting, I'd be wandering off somewhere, just thinking.

It feels odd to think about my childhood. I remember it, certainly, and I know it was me, but to compare who I was then to now is surreal. I remember it felt like I was all knees and elbows, just this stumbling little grey-skinned gangly thing. And so pushy! I was shy and demure sometimes, but when it came to my 'peers', I didn't take shit from -anyone.- To this day, I retain my good aim from throwing so many rocks.

But what am I today? I honestly don't know. I'm usually pretty meek, easily confused, and, well... fragile. Not to mention that my flesh has been so warped, I'm not sure if I can even be called a troll anymore. I like to think I can. Its something to take pride in that I can hold onto, even when I can't concentrate on anything good about me. Its a foundation, I guess.

*a splotch of ink from where a pen rested too long*

I'm angry. Why am I angry?

[Niethan]

Chased some ducks today. It's odd, one of them I swear I've seen before. He was glaring at me-- like he also recognised me, the trecharous meal. He managed to peck me right on my broken tail, too.

I hope he isn't following me around.

[Niethan]

I found this lying under my bandages, so I guess I may as well update it. It'd be nice to actually put my thoughts outside my head.

I suppose I need to backtrack and start with a priest named Djalli. Way back when I was together with Vilmah, she decided (for kicks, I guess) to mind-control Sulajin and I into sleeping with each other. I'm assuming she got Vilmah too, because her walking in at that exact moment stretches even my ability to attract trouble.

I relearned hatred, after that. For the longest time afterward, I'd feel sick at the thought of her. I would tear the world apart just to see her dead.

Of course, that got ruined when she walked right up to me and asked that I dispense justice. Long story short, I burned out my hatred and started feeling sorry for her. So I let her go, without consulting Vilmah or Sulajin about it. It didn't go over well with them, though Sulajin did take it easier on me than he has in the past, as far as the beating went. Hence the broken tail.

Then the last person I expected to see wanted to talk to me about it; Jobolg. I'll try to cover that later, when all is said and done.

Side note; either I need to stop lying or learn to lie better. Nojinbu took a look at my injuries and I could feel his disgust when I said it was just some fight. I tried to do what I thought was right, got beaten for it, and then probably made Nojinbu lose what little respect he might have had left for me. Figures.

So, then what else? Because the Loa know I can't have less than six problems all trying to kill me at once. Well first off, Sulajin gets into a fight with Cissix and orders her out. And she takes the twins with her, and apart from her running and Sulajin being REALLY angry, I just know this is going to get worse before it gets better.

I'm sure I'll be called a terrible parent, but I'm not too worried about them. Cissy knows to keep them safe, and I'll see them again soon. It's her and Sulajin I worry for.

I wonder if I should worry about me, though. I got cornered in Orgrimmar yesterday, by an elf named Frieya. I've come across her before, and I know I shouldn't be but I'm terrified of her. She slit my throat once, and she'll do it again if she can. More frightening is that she thinks she's in love with me. And she's happy to take what she wants by force.

I remembered Nojinbu telling me to ask for help if I needed it, so I turned on my hearthstone when she caught me. I couldn't say anything, because she had her knife out, but I'd turned up the volume enough that my voice should have carried over it. Nobody seemed to notice. Now I've got her name engraved on my arm and she calls me her 'pet.' And that jerk Qabian toyed around with me some when I asked him to keep quiet. Now he's going to tell all of the Grim and I'll get Sanctuary in trouble for being such a pathetic coward.

I actually miss Holdeng and his asylum, sometimes.

I don't know what to do.

[Niethan]

I do not usually record my thoughts, but as Niethan is dormant at the moment I suppose it could not hurt to experiment with.

To clarify, my name is Witness. From what I have heard, introducing oneself to a diary is customary, but I find it rather silly. Moving on.

Last night's conversation certainly could have gone better. I boggle at the unintended hypocrisy that seems to thrive here. Mr. Riverhorn has berated Niethan for placing the wellbeing of others before him, yet he does the same. Vilmah protests that she should not have to make others happy-- and she does not-- and yet feels guilt over not being aware of a poor situation. People are such interesting creatures.

Speaking of guilt, as the saying apparently goes, I do profess to feeling some small regret over my conduct. I do wish to promote a more stable lifestyle, but if Niethan is unavailable or in need of therapy, then I suppose someone has to point out to Bloodbreaze his faults, as he refuses to acknowledge them himself. I believe that his beligerant insistance of ownership may be a way of expressing concern, but if he never admits to wrongdoing, changes his opinions, or expresses remorse, then how is the situation to change? Niethan will simply see Bloodbreaze's insistance as a more stable viewpoint than his own, and begin to doubt his actions. And thus nobody learns anything.

I revoke my previous statement. People are frustrating and confusing creatures. I think I will spend more time among the Ethreal.