I never write

[Vilmah]

I never write in these things. I'm too afraid of someone reading them, so this is going to be burned once I'm finished writing it.

I keep secrets from people, secrets I'm too ashamed to share. One thing I'm not afraid of though, is my decision in adopting Rosette. Nojinbu loves her, and I'd do anything to make him happy. She loves him, and it's obvious that they complete eachother's lives. She fills a void in me, too. A void I didn't realize existed until I saw her. I guess ever since I miscarried, I've been carrying that void around. It still hurts, but a little less now.

Nojinbu makes me smile. He's sweet, he's humble. Niethan is troubled, but he still manages to be my very best friend. Sulajin is his usual grumpy self, but he's good to have around. I'd prolly never admit it, but I value his down-to-earth advice. Lovely has joined us. She's my new sister, and I've never known someone to be as sweet as she is. Kromag has returned. He's my brother, in every defenition that can be imagined. Diomades stands strong and defiant in the face of adversity. Kimiji is a constant light. Rosette is the sweetest treasure in the world. Bloodscream is.. *scratch marks* He's Bloodscream.

I'm so tired. I need a nap. Rosette helps me sleep. She wakes Nojin and I up in the middle of the night, but I've never slept so well as when she's nearby. I remember when I used to be afraid of going to sleep alone. I slept against a building in Orgrimmar, rather than sleep alone. I was always afraid.

I no longer fear anything.

I'll burn this page, but I'll never keep that a secret.

I am Vilmah Bloodborne of the Frostbite. I fear nothing.

[Vilmah]

Things are so calm, lately. It's kinda weird. I think that Nojinbu's straight-edge personality has been making me less adventurous. Or maybe it's because I don't wanna do anything that could risk my family? It's weird.

I've done what I set out to do, though. My guild will be taking on Kharazan. I'm so proud of us all.

[Vilmah]

I am so angry. Why didn't I keep my mouth shut?

My guild is full of lunatics. I knew that would be the case when I invited them to join. Who else would be crazy enough to think peace could work than a ton of crazy people? I think the only sane one amongst us in Nojinbu. He's the only one who makes sense.. and even he was angry with Diomades. The way he acted, the way he hurt our friends. It was complete lunacy! I mean, who does that kind of thing?? I know Diomades isn't a bad person, so why? I don't get it.

Then again, it shouldn't have been any of my business.. still, I couldn't let him hurt my friends like that. As angry as I am with him, I think though, he's more angry at himself. Maybe I'm not really angry with him. Just dissapointed.

[Vilmah]

Feels like I fell face first into Crazy Town, Azeroth.

Niethan from the future is visiting. He's a nice guy. Lovely asked me to pierce her "love pearl", but I told her it was a bad idea. It -is- a bad idea, but she'll do it anyway, so I only hope she finds someone good to do it.

Scares the heck out of me.

My friends have given me a gift I'll never be able to forget. They gathered cards from a deck, when I gave it to this guy at the Darkmoon Faire, he laughed and called me an "Orcish Paladin". Apparently, this card brings out the power of the Light within me, and every once in a while, it busts up my enemies with Holy power.

How awesome is that?

I had a vision, the other day. I saw my friends dead. I saw Nojinbu dead. I wanted to scream, but Blood was right next to me so I tried to push it away. I'm not one to get visions. Maybe the tea got to me. Does that even happen?

Anyway, gotta get Rosette ready for school. She's so cute when she does her numbers.

[Vilmah]

So hey, I usually never get angry, but I gotta get something off of my chest before I explode.

So a few weeks ago, I forgot something. I was talking to Sul and Niethan about Nojinbu, and said I don't remember him visiting Sulajin's home. Then they got upset because he DID visit, that one time where we did that trollish ritual where we ate part of Niethan's arm. I said I was sorry it slipped my mind, and really, I was sorry. I mean, stuff slips my mind sometimes. It happens. I'd like to make up for it, but it doesn't look like anything short of cutting off a limb (which I considered, but Nojinbu shot it down) will please them.

And that's what ticks me off.

Why is it I have to please them? Why is it that even now, Diomades is unhappy with me. Why? Because I forgot about something that happened months ago? Even after I apologized and explained that it was nothing person, I just have a lot of stuff on my mind?

And yes, I do have a lot of stuff on my mind! I've been leading them into places I never thought we'd go. I've protected them through Tempest Keep, through Medivh's tower, through place after place, and still they don't seem to understand. It make a living out of taking hits for them. It's my job to stand there and get my butt kicked SEVERELY so that they can stand back safely and take shots at bad guys. So while I'm there, getting punched in the face, kicked in the gut, stomped on, battered and beaten within an inch of my mortal life.. all they can think of is the fact that I forgot about something important to them.

And that's what it all boils down to, isn't it? I have to please THEM. Make THEM happy. I spend half of the time worrying about how to make everyone happy but myself. Nojinbu sees it, and it sickens him. I told him not to worry, that they're my friends and I love them, but I'm starting to feel like they take me for granted. No matter what I do, it isn't good enough for them.

In the corner of my room is my armor. It's got so many dents in it, I'm surprised the blacksmith can salvage it. My shield has been broken more times than I can count. I've had my face busted open and my bones shattered, all for them. I am so tired of them not understanding why.

[Vilmah]

I visited Niethan and Sul's kids, last night. They're really sweet. It made me feel a little better, getting away.. but when I came home, it was the same thing.

I love Rosette. We played together a little before I put her to bed. She's a big girl now, she says, and she likes to sleep in her own room. I'm very proud of her, but I feel so lonely. Nojinbu wouldn't even look at me, in Shattrath. I couldn't stand to be so close to him, and be ignored. He still follows my orders, and he still acknowledges my leadership. When he comes home, he greets and plays with Rosette, then goes straight to sleep. Or he talks to Niethan. There are no words for me.

What did I do wrong? It feels like he married me just so nobody else could have me. I tried writing him a letter, last night, asking him what was the matter. If I'd done something. I havn't gotten a reply yet, but I'm hoping he'll say something to me.

Something. Anything.

Bloodscream says I have to find peace within myself, and that'll make me happy. I guess he's right, I've always been dependant on others.. before Nojinbu, it was Galrok. Now, without Nojinbu, I turn to my friends, but.. it just doesn't feel the same. Nojinbu is my rock, and now it feels like I have nothing to lean on.

That may be a good thing. Like Blood says, I have to learn what it is draws people to me. Then maybe I can be content with being alone. I'm trying to do that, but.. it just doesn't feel fair, when I'm married to someone who doesn't seem to want me.

[Vilmah]

Liar. Someone's a liar. Who? Me? Sanctuary? Sacred Fire? Who ISN'T a liar?

I've been called a liar lots of times. The truth is, I don't lie.. I just hide things. I guess that counts as lying, doesn't it? If it does, I've lied a lot. My lack of trust in others is something I've always had a problem with. Noj called me a liar, a long time ago, when I wouldn't confide in him..

[Vilmah]

Rosette is so cute. She and I played with Edmund and Ruby's puppies for hours, they're just big giant balls of fluff right now that want to cuddle and jump on eachother. There's nothing cuter than a little girl and eight giant puppies.

[Vilmah]

I'm stronger than I've been letting on. I am not some weak child. Not anymore. I am a leader, and it's time I acted like it. I'm not going to let my past decisions influence the way I feel about myself or my life any longer.

What's done is done. I did what I had to do. Sanctuary is Sanctuary because of it, and Sanctuary, regardless of wether or not I chose it to be this way, is my life. Without it, I am nothing.

If I can't have what I want, I will work with what I have. I will find peace, I will ease the pain of my regrets, and I will be assured by the fact that what I did is for the greater good. For the love of my life, I will fight and cling on, and I'll be the strong person that he believes me to be.

I'm through with crying over what might have been. I am grateful for what is. The love I feel should be considered a blessing, not a burden. I love him, and he loves me. That's all that should matter.

And I will always love him.

[Vilmah]

People are on edge, and people are getting frustrated.

Last night there was a nice little argument over Sulajin and Niethan. Diomades was angry. Of course he was, he's still head over heels in love with Niethan.. but Witness wasn't having any of it. I know Witness is getting bored and somewhat irritated over all of the attention. Nobody seems to get that what Niethan needs isn't someone else to cling to, it's self worth. If I punish Sulajin for what he's done, it won't do a damned thing but make Niethan sympathise and the whole process will start all over again. If we can somehow guide Niethan towards a sense of self worth, then maybe this will all FINALLY be put to an end. I can't stand in the middle anymore.

Diomades is still wanted as a criminal, which tears at my heartstrings because I am loyal, first and foremost, to the Horde. However I know he's innocent, so what can I do? Nothing, because he doesn't want my help. It seems as if people are changing the way they think of Sanctuary. Maybe it's because of our recent conflict. Maybe it's because I'm working so hard to bring more people together. Am I working too hard? I'm trying, I really am. Nothing I do seems to work.

I'll try harder. I can't let things get to me, anymore. I'm going to help Niethan to help himself, and then I'm going to tell Diomades that he's got to stop running and face this thing. And by the Lamb, I will stand with him myself. If they want to prosecute Diomades Riverhorn, they'll have to do it over my dead body.

[Vilmah]

Well, it happened.

It didn't go perfectly, but honestly.. was anyone expecting it to? I'm not the best speaker in the world, and I tried to let everyone know, I'm not here to lead anything. Just help start something. People jumped down my throat with everything from demands to arguments, and I tried my best, but I can't help but feel I might have let a few people down.

Ah well.. at least I got the ball rolling. What everyone decides to do now is up to them. At the very least I can say that I tried, and I'm not going to give up on the possibility that we'll be able to work together. At least for the good of the Horde.

I left Diomades to finish up for personal reasons. There was no time to explain, but Nojinbu needed me. I'll write more on that, later. I can only hope Diomades will understand.

[Vilmah]

They can be so dumb, sometimes..

Some people. I swear. They attacked Hammerfall, of all places! I don't understand what they meant to do but start trouble. It doesn't make -any- sense. Why would you want to start trouble with the Horde?? Why? Why do they want to fight us so badly?? I heard Hammerfall was under attack, and I ran like hell for the nearest portal. I arrived in time to see a few Alliance still fighting, and with the help of the House of Ghant, managed to push them back.

Idiots!! My father is in there! Of course, he didn't give me a second glance.. all that shiny new armor from Karazhan doesn't mean a blasted thing to him..

Whatever. I'm going to make sure that they know better than to attack our cities again. This is getting beyond ridiculous.

[Vilmah]

Oh my GOSH.

I am so tired. Karazhan has become exhausting. I think my guild has gone insane. My husband is hardly ever around. My daughter is becoming skilled in the art of waking me up early. My pets are breeding like crazy. Ruby and Edmund's puppies are starting to take up too much room.

I have a headache. Was that rum, in Nojin's cup? Of course it was. Silly me. Why is it whenever I miss him, I notice so many things that remind me of him? Like his bottles, or his old weapons, his old scraps of leather.. I'm so tired. I have to put Rosette to bed.

Wow. The muscles in my forearms have gotten a lot firmer. Have they always been this hard? My stomach, too. I guess it's from all the vanguarding. What do you know.

[Vilmah]

With the disbanding of the Blood Brigade came a few new members of Sanctuary. Our numbers continue to grow, but more then that, I think morale is building through our numbers. What better way to prove that peace can exist than when a tong of heavilly armed and strong members of the Horde coming together for the common good? Makes me feel awesome, anyway.

So Qabian told me he had to kill Diomades to get some human lady off his back. I didn't have much time to clarify when I told him he couldn't kill Diomades, but it was kinda funny to hear him stutter. I mean, seriously.. nobody can kill Diomades. He's the freaking albino cow. If he died, he'd prolly use his shaman doo-hickies and ressurect himself, or come back as a wolf or something, I dunno, but it's not like someone can kill him.

There's another reason I know why Dio can't die, but that one's way too confusing.

Anyway, I couldn't tell Qabian the whole thing 'cuz Noj came home. I mean.. Noj is away most of the time, doing his whole assassinating thing, but last night he came home.. and... oh Lamb, did he come home..

[Vilmah]

Ever get the feeling like something is about to blow up in your face?

'course you don't, you're a book..

Anyway.. Sanctuary made it to Karazhan. We're on our own in there, and lemme tell ya, it feels good. To know I was able to lead my guild to a place that takes guts and gusto, and defeat a few bad guys.. it really really feels nice. My men were strong and they felt good about the fight. There wasn't any arguing or fighting or bickering.. there was just this feeling of comrarderie. This sense of.. I dunno how to put it.. this sense of trust.

They trust me with their lives. A year ago, I wouldn't have thought it possible to do this kind of job. A year ago, I was a really crummy warrior. I was half-assed and unprepared. I was scared of my own peers. Well.. I'm not scared. Not anymore. It feels good not to be scared. I feel stronger, and better.

I just realized. It's been a year since..

*scratch marks*

Best not to think about it.

[Vilmah]

A year. It's been one year.

That didn't really hit me until I went to Orgrimmar, at the request of the Warchief. When I got there, he had news that I don't think I prepared for. Grisch, dead? How could he be dead? He said he was going on a spirit journey. He said he might return someday, but I guess that's not possible now. When I first took the helm of Sanctuary, I was scared. Of course I was scared! I was just a hapless soldier. I joined Sanctuary because I wanted to help people, sure.. but I'll be honest, I was a coward. After the fight in the tavern, I wanted to stay close to Nojinbu. He was the one real friend I had. He stuck with me, no matter how scared I was.. and I felt like I needed him.

So why did Grisch give me leadership? I was shocked. Actually, for a while I remember thinking that Nojinbu was angry with me. After all, he was Inquisitor when I was just an Innitiate. I hadn't even taken the Long Walk, and all of a sudden I'm in charge? Of course, in charge of what is another matter.. we hardly had any members.. we had no money, no fellowship. It was mostly just Nojinbu and me.. and Jojo, of course. I feel sorry for them both, being privvy to my idiotic leadership at the time. I was walking in Grisch's shadow.

Then all that stuff with the fire council.. people strted looking at me differently. I think those raids into Molten Core with the Grim might have toughened me up.

Who am I kidding.. nobody's gonna read this.. Bloodscream toughened me up. I was inspired by him. I toughened up for him. I wanted to look strong in his eyes, and I wanted to make him proud of me.

A few more months passed. The gate hadn't opened yet, and my friendship with Niethan and Sulajin became stronger. They joined the cause, although I think it was mostly to help us all stick together.. either way, Diomades and Jesmotguin showed up, and things grew from there.

I can't believe how big we got. People came and went, but our core members stayed the same. The Dark Portal opened, and the Blood Elves joined us. Our cause grew, we didn't back down. I didn't back down. I even got married.

(there are droplets of ink here)

A year. It's been over a year since I started leading this guild. Over a year since I met Nojinbu. Over a year. I can hardly believe it.

And I'm still only sixteen!

I miss Grisch. I wish he could see what we've become.. I'd do anything to show him that Sanctuary wasn't lost.. that the cause was worth fighting for. That it still is worth fighting for.

Strength and honor, Grisch. May your spirit be at rest.

[Sulajin]

((STILL only sixteen?

Shouldn't she be seventeen some time soon?))

[Ninorra]

((Seventeen in January. ^^))

[Sulajin]

((I was right!

So long as you accept... 3 months as soon.))

[Vilmah]

Family.

I have a family now. A year ago, I didn't have anything but a few sparse friends and some broken ideals. What a weird trip it's been. A year ago, I was going "stupid elves!" and I'd talk about how much I hated gnomes so I wouldn't be ostracized by the other warriors. Of course, I didn't hate gnomes or elves.. they were just something everyone else seemed to hate. If anything, I should have hated humans. After what they did to me and my family, it would have made sense, right? But how could I say that when I became friends with Najme? And wasn't it another human that helped me get away from those guards, when I was little? Sometimes I wish I had the stomach to hate. Even people I'm supposed to hate I really don't feel hatred for.

Maybe a little anger, coupled with fear. Yes, I fear people. Is that wrong? It probably is, but I can't bring myself to just hate them instead.

Anyway, back to family. I've got one, now. It's awkward. I love Rosette, she makes me happy. To see her grow is so nice, it makes me think that she's getting the sort of childhood I wish I could have gotten. She gets little-girl troubles, like stubbing her toe or skinning her knee. She doesn't have to worry about when her net meal is, or why her daddy won't talk to her, or why her mommy has become so thin. My daddy worships the memory of Hellscream, he doesn't give a damn about me or my brother. My brother.. he went missing. Hunting trip, most likely, but I doubt I'll see him again. Kromag was always a capricious guy, but I'm glad I could know him, if only for a short while..

Nazshakul, my uncle. He wasn't around for a while, but he's back now, and with a vengeance. I can't tell him how I really feel, because that's awkward too. He's my mama's brother, so he sort of reminds me of her, and every time I see him I want to hug him and not let go. I'm not supposed to do that, I'm supposed to be strong and relentless and all that. What kind of warboss curls up in her uncle's lap and cries for no reason?

Nojinbu. We're married, but we don't spend much time together. He's always out "bringing justice" to people who need it, helping the world. He's my right hand, and while Diomades is my left, it seems like I see Diomades more than I do Nojinbu. I know it's wrong, but I feel as if Nojinbu only comes home out of convenience. He looks at Rosette with adoration, and I've kind of become like.. furniture. He's gotten used to me. He doesn't have to worry about me going anywhere, or being with someone else. I'm his for life, so there's no threat to our relationship. I guess that's why he feels like he doesn't need to see me so often. It feels so lonely, though.

I've been approached by the goblins for another Winterveil poster. I don't mind doing it, but.. I feel like I'm not sure what to smile for.

[Vilmah]

I don't want to write about it, and I don't want to talk about it. Yes, Nojinbu is gone. No, it's not likely I'll ever see him again. That's all I care to say. I'm hoping people will respect that.

[Vilmah]

So.. Bloodscream came over, last night. I woke up with him hugging me. I..

I don't know what to write.

[Vilmah]

Last night was.. awkward.

Well first was the patrol. It was my fault for not speaking up before. We walked into a city and our friends killed everything in sight. I felt so guilty for being there and not being able to do a thing. I talked to Diomades about it, and we're gonna talk about how to make these patrols better.

I spent a few hours talking to Broxigan, too. We had drinks in Shattrath. He's very nice.

[Vilmah]

Niethan's planning on making a thanksgiving dinner. He's making me a pretend turkey, and that's real nice of him since I don't eat meat.

I got a little upset last night. Seeing him and Diomades so happy makes me remember things. Makes me think that I'm probably not cut out for the sort of thing I want. I guess it's my own fault. I'm too soft for my own good.

Just like that Bahlmoral guy said. If I can't enjoy bloodshed, I don't belong in the battlefield. I didn't like the way he looked at me and Broxigan. Or how he made Broxigan sad. If that's what real warriors are like, I'm happy to be a fake one.

[Lascivious]

((aww. *vows to be a Vilmah journal entry one day. must threaten more family members*))

[Vilmah]

So yes. Last night I went to the Mana Tombs with Niethan, Nomeni, and Broxigan. It was fun! My head is still killing me. I need to wear my helmet more often, but I can't see through the darned thing.

I talked to Bloodscream a little. I told him how I was sad we never got to see each other unless we were sleeping. He agreed and then left, and I didn't see him again until morning when we both woke up. I feel kind of weird. I know he loves me, but he's so busy. I don't want to be selfish, but I don't want to be forgotten either. Am I so easily forgotten? Maybe.

Well enough of that, I'm off to the battlegrounds. That always clears my head, one way or another.

[Vilmah]

Had a nice time with Broxigan, last night! We talked about stuff, and I was happy to hear about his opinions on justice. He makes me proud to be an orc. He even said he wanted to meet Rosette! I'll bet he'll love her.

Everything else has been kinda meh..

[Vilmah]

Oh my GOSH! It was sooooo awesome! Zul'Aman is a big scary place with giant bears and HUGE trolls! I didn't know some trolls were so goshdarn big.. We had a lot of fun in there! I actually got to lead us in there, and we took down some big bad guys! Big scary bad guys!

I got Broxigan to come, and Tamora, and some folks from Citadel. Nojinbu was there. He blew me a kiss. I am more confused than ever. I think my brain is falling apart.

Before that though, Broxigan and I went to this nice place and Silvermoon to talk. He was named after this guy called Broxigan the Red, who fought in all four wars! How neat is that?? I wonder if I'm named after anything? I'd ask daddy but he's probably disowned me by now. Maybe my grandmother will know?

Broxigan's gonna meet Rosette today. So cute!

[Vilmah]

No. no no no no no. This is all my fault. How do I keep getting myself into these messes?? It's all screwed up. I'm such a jerk.. I have no idea what to do!

[Vilmah]

Alright. Alright so it's not as bad as I thought.

I talked to Broxigan. Everything's okay. I'm so glad he's not going to go all nuts on me like Gorthok or something, but then maybe I'm a little paranoid. Why would he? He's a nice person. I doubt he'd try to kill me and cut off my hair.

Weirdo..

We're still gonna be friends and hang out a lot and stuff. I'm happy when we're together.

[Vilmah]

This is written in a different handwriting.

You pathetic worthless piece of shit! How the hell do you expect to get anything done?! Everything you've ever cared about only ends up leaving because you're too stupid to get it under your control. You can't control anything. You follow the ebb and flow of people instead of grabbing it and taking matters into your own hands.

Stupid Vilmah. You're still as brainless as you were when Grisch gave it to you. When Nojinbu held your hand through everything. He didn't love you, he felt sorry for you. None of them do. They don't fall in love with you, they pity a petulant child. You're no leader. You make no decisions. You let them guide you by the ears, and you know it.

You're a fuck up and you'll never grow out of it.

[Vilmah]

Well. That was weird.

I feel better, though.. much better. Broxigan took me to a pond last night and we talked a lot. He told me he might do something, and I'm not sure what to make of it. On one hand, I was excited. On the other, I feel selfish. It's his decision, though, whatever he decides I'll stand by him.

Without Diomades here to help me I feel strange. Is it bad? At first yes, but now, maybe not so much. Even Kromag came home. I know Lascivious is looking for him, and I told him that, but he doesn't seem to worry. I know he can take care of himself, so I'm not worried too much either.. well, maybe a little worried. Maybe a lot. I don't know.

It feels strange to be by myself like this. I suppose it won't be much longer, though. Tonight is the night I appoint new officers. It hurts me so bad to do this.. do they know how badly they've hurt me? Do they even care? I shouldn't care so much, but I do. I know they did it for different reasons, but I can't help but feel betrayed. As if no matter how hard I try, it will never be good enough.

Oh well. Now that I have Kromag and Nazshakul back, I feel like my family is coming together again. It feels good.

[Vilmah]

Blood and thunder!

I haven't gone a day in the past week without someone making fun of my height or my weight, and to make matters worse, they all seem to do it around Broxigan! I'm not sure why that matters, but it does. It makes me feel so weird. Other times I'd just brush it off, but I don't know.. now I really am starting to feel less than what I should be.

Last night we all took a portal to Shattrath, and for some sick twist in the universe, it decided we should run into Evanthe, Skafloc, and Deathshadow. Now, Skafloc's a nice guy, but sheezoo his girlfriend's got ELF stamped to her face like a tattoo. And I've always liked Deathshadow, he was so nice to me when we went to the Molten Core. But then Evanthe starts asking me if I'm "mated". Mated? Do we have to use that word? I'm not a wolf! She could have asked me if I had a boyfriend. Instead it just made her sound like she'd asked if I was breeding material or not. I don't know why, but that made me weirded out too.

I couldn't say anything because Deathshadow was there. I don't think Bloodscream told anyone in the Grim about us, and the last thing he needs is their crap. I managed to talk to him a bit last night. I think I upset him a bit, but he won't admit it. I asked him why he'd been so physically distant, and he admitted that it was because he was nervous about being compared to someone. I feel so horrible. Is that how it's going to be, from now on? The only other guys I've been with were Niethan and.. yeah, and, well, one of them isn't even attracted to girls, and I don't know why that matters but okay I'll say it, he made me feel like a slut.

I'm too young to feel this way. This is really dumb. Especially when I have bigger things to worry about.

Like last night, we promoted our new officers. Nomeni and Therium. Therium has a temper on him, but I've no doubt he'll lead his Scrappers into some good noteworthy fights. Nomeni is very calm and collected, and he reminds me of Diomades back when he was first promoted to Myrmidon.

Since we have so many new members, I'll be promoted two more on Monday, and that should even things out.

Also, Broxigan joined us last night. I hope Nasuj isn't resentful of me, or of Sanctuary, because I respect him greatly. I just.. well, is it selfish to say I'm happy? If it is, I guess that's what I am. A selfish slut. Ugh.

[Vilmah]

What in the world have I gotten myself into?

Blood, why does the world keep pulling you away from me? We waiting so long and now that we have the chance, you don't have the time. I wanted you so badly, I wanted to do everything that we should have been able to do from the beginning. Just little things like being near one another, it was what I wanted. Fighting beside you, telling you how much I loved you, everything I wanted to do we could have done now.. but it feels like it's not what you want. Your work is important, I understand that. Where does that leave me? You said that I was the only thing that mattered, but you use your sword more often than I see your face.

I want to send that to Blood, but I don't know what he'll make of it. I don't want to make him feel guilty, I just want him to know the truth. He knows I miss him, but what can be done about it? He can't just put aside his duties. Not for me.

And then there's Broxigan. He has all the time in the world for me, it seems. I feel so dumb for not having met him, before. Blood reminds me of my father. Headstrong, stubborn, and.. I don't know, warrior things. Broxigan is so gosh darn calm. He's a bit older than me, older than Blood, so I guess it's maturity. He's always got good advice. He always makes me feel like the world isn't spinning out of control.

Diomades and I talked. I'm not mad at him. I'm just.. I don't know. I don't own him. I just miss what he once stood for. He said he still does, but it's hard to believe that when he looks so different.

[Vilmah]

I was wrong. I was very very wrong.

[Vilmah]

I'm writing this while it's still fresh in my head.

It's late, and Broxigan just left my room. We talked a lot. He told me how he felt, and so did I. It was really strange, actually, that all of this seemed to happen at once. I mean, I just met him, and he's already proven himself to be the most stable friend I've ever had. I can't deny that there's a connection between us.

Bloodscream, though.. well, we did it. We'd been waiting for it for a long time. He was sweet and loving, and I could tell he felt awkward most of the time, but at the same time, it was perfect. I love him, so how could it not be? Two warriors being together like that couldn't be anything but perfect.

And yet I can't help but think about Broxigan. What do I do? I can't leave Blood, not after what we just shared. It was like it sealed the deal between us. It brought us closer, as close as two orcs can be (aside from fighting together, which we've done), and I love him.. but I love Broxigan, too. I'm not going to deny it. So what in the world am I supposed to do? Broxigan says he'll be my emotional wall, as I'm his physical one. I keep him alive one way, he'll keep me alive the other. I can't say enough how good it feels to hear that, and to actually see him do it.

What do I do?

[Lovely]

((Welcome to Lovely's world, Vilmah! hehe. <3. Love your journals))

[Vilmah]

Ohhh boy.. I've really done it this time.. I don't think there's any way to avoid it, now.

Geez. I feel like such a shmuck.

[Evanthe]

[duh Duh DUH! *waits for more information* ]

[Broxigan]

(( -coughs slightly.- >.> ))

[Alana]

(Am I the only person not cheating on anyone?)

[Vilmah]

((She didn't cheat..))

[Vilmah]

I guess it won't make sense if I write it all out.. but I made my decision.

And it's neither.

[Annelia]

(Am I the only person not cheating on anyone?)

(( I hope not. anne wubs you!))

[Lascivious]

I guess it won't make sense if I write it all out.. but I made my decision.

And it's neither.

(Awwww. No love for the ladies in charge.)

[Leoren]

(Am I the only person not cheating on anyone?)

(( Ahem. *Raises hand.* ))

[Xaraphyne]

(( Ahem. *Raises hand.* ))

[[ He's too confused to figure out how to go about it.

... /hijack ]]

[Vilmah]

(Awwww. No love for the ladies in charge.)

((Eheh, you'll see. Blood's working on something epic.))

[Broxigan]

((Eheh, you'll see. Blood's working on something epic.))

(( O_o ))

[Vilmah]

I don't think I've ever been so angry as last night.

So Sabachthan attacked Brox. Tamora went over to see what was goingon, and whaddayaknow, the guy is nuts. So I called over Niethan, and the guys brother, Brandub, to find out what's going on and cart his crazy ass out of Orgrimmar.

Skafloc and Evanthe get into this whole hissy fit about mirrors and warlock crap, which is completely besides the point. He was OBVIOUSLY not himself, like Niethan told me. He's apparently possessed or something, by a ton of ghosts and one big scary one, which they apparently know something about, but that's not what I was angry at. I was telling them to get him out of there, away from people so he wouldn't hurt anyone or make someone hurt him.

Why the heck don't elves LISTEN?? While they were busy arguing, Sabachthan was going nutso, making out with Tamora and a few seconds away from having Broxigan separate his head from his neck. Of COURSE he needed to get out of there!

I swear to goodness, it's just one thing after the other.

Tamora joined Sanctuary, though. It's pretty awesome.

[Kiannis]

[[No no vil. The way to say it is "Freakin' sweet"]]

[Vilmah]

Ever get the feeling of de ja vu? Like you feel like something has happened, and it happens again.

This is sort of like that, except I feel like something is wrong. Missing. I miss something, but I can't remember what I've lost. What is it I'm trying to remember?

[Vilmah]

Wow, I've been feeling weird lately.

So a few days ago, I was trying to feed the puppies. I was kinda dumb and kept their puppy food on the top shelf so they wouldn't tear the bag open, but I forgot that I also keep some of my old armor pieces in there, and yanno that big one with the shark fin at the top? It fell on my head and I went unconscious for a day.

Good thing Broxigan found me. Poor guy thought I was dead at first, we was all worried about me. He helped me out though, and I had to stay in bed for a few days. I think my brain was bleeding, but I've been feeling so weird. Like I've forgotten and remembered different things, or something is missing, just lots of weird stuff. Broxigan even says I'm acting different. I feel like I'm talking different, too.

We went to the Mechenar, tonight. Stupid Calculator guy STILL didn't gimme that sword. Jerk. I also slapped Qabian with my gauntlet. That was pretty cool.

[Qabian]

((That Qabian guy is such an ass. :D No one likes people who make fun of the handicapped.))

[Broxigan]

((That Qabian guy is such an ass. :D No one likes people who make fun of the handicapped.))

((....Die....))

[Sabachthan]

((That Qabian guy is such an ass. :D No one likes people who make fun of the handicapped.))
[[Most of the Ghants do, actually.]]

[Qabian]

((*OOCs up Vil's journal*

I love you, too, Kiki!

And that makes me sad about the Ghants, considering, heh. IC Mechanar runs with them would have been waaaay different, yep.))

[Vilmah]

I've still been having problems, but I'll let them slide for now.

Tomorrow, Broxigan and I are going to investigate what's been going on with the Mag'har. I'm pretty upset by it all. Diomades came by tonight, which was nice, until Niethan mentioned how my nipples taste like candy.

Then Diomades called me sweet tits.

I'm going to punch him.

I talked to Blood a little, he's such an ass. Well, more when I get back from Nagrand. I hope everything works out.

[Chikt]

Then Diomades called me sweet tits.

I'm going to punch him.

(("Stop putting words in my mouth, sweet tits!"))

[Vilmah]

That had to have been the weirdest and most painful adventure I've ever endured. I'll write about it a little later. For now I need some sleep,

[Vilmah]

There is a threat to the Mag'har that must be defeated.

Broxigan and I were held captive by the Righteous Hand. They tried to hit us up for information, but their methods were rudimentary at best. Mostly they just managed to piss off Broxigan and I enough that we destroyed their citadel. One of them, I've discovered. We came home battered and bloody. I think blood was all we could think about. The smell, the taste, it saturated us. I don't know how we acted, but it wasn't normal. Not for me, anyway.

I don't think I can ever repeat it.

I knew I needed help when I found out that the Righteous Hand hadn't really been defeated. They want to kill the orcs, all of them. They're a plague in Outland, and they have to be defeated. The Mag'har have asked their allies for their aid. One of them.. they asked me to get specifically.

Nojinbu.

It hurt me to see him. He left for his own reasons, and I was too upset to think straight when I saw him. I asked Nomeni to come with me, so that I wouldn't be alone. I wanted him to see that I wasn't meeting with anyone seedy. Just in case, because I've been scolded for going places alone in the past. Apparently Nojinbu is under the command of Vol'jin. He's an assassin, like he's always been. He joined Citadel so he could be free to do what they asked of him, and even though it pains me to see him go this way, I can't stand against him. I can't stop him. He has to do his duty to the Horde. Gods know that if I'd been asked by Thrall to dissolve Sanctuary, I would.

He still loves me. He never betrayed me, just did what he had to do. What he was ordered to do. Am I jealous? Of course. I always felt that he would put me first, mbut that's a selfish and juvenile notion. I've got to stop thinking like a child and move past what I want. It's not about what I want anymore, it's what's right, and what's honorable. Nojinbu doesn't want to be seen as a traitor, above all else. I'd never allow him to be. So I have to stand back and let him do what he is meant to do.

He's an assassin, and he is my mate. I will stand by him and his decisions, regardless of what else happens. It is my duty.

[Sulajin]

((I don't think I've really gotten to see much of VIlmah in four months. Except in raids.))

[Vilmah]

We've been doing so much stuff, it's hard to keep track.

Most recently, I went with my grandmother to various Mag'har settlements. She's one of the last remaining pyremasters of her time, so she's been needed more than ever lately. Broxigan, Ishinara and Therium are doing their part to lead the Guardians and Scrappers to wipe out the last of the Righteous Hand.

We went to Zul'gurub recently. Nojinbu was there.. and.. it's nice to see him so close. He was very battle oriented, moreso than he's ever been before. It hurt me to see him so focused. He spared me a few glances, and a hug. That was it. Days before, he said he'd come home soon. I don't know wether to laugh or cry. He and Therium put an end to him after he touched the Hoodoo pile and went mad. For a second I felt like I'd died. They didn't touch me or anything, but they killed Broxigan, and it was horrible. His blood was everwhere. I wanted to cry but I couldn't.

He said he saw me. I wonder if it was the last dream of a person dying. How could he have seen me? Is his love for me that strong, that it can transcend logic?

[Vilmah]

I'm very very angry right now.

I found out through the various inner workings of our guild (AKA Broxigan and our thin walls) that Diomades broke up with Niethan. Well surprise surprise. I have to say, he's getting me more and more angry, and I won't do anything because it's none of my business.. but I hate seeing my friends hurt. I mean he hurt that tauren girl, then Kimiji, then Lovely and now Niethan. I heard he's taken a liking to this new girl, so for her sake I hope she knows how to keep him under a leash. Admittedly I haven't been around lately, mostly due to being overwhelmed by trying to help my family against the Righteous Hand. Well that's going to change, because I haven't seen enough of Niethan, and he deserves to have me around more. If he even still wants me around more.

I've got not right to talk this way about people.. but goshdarnit, they make me so mad. This is not what I should be focusing on. What I should be focusing on is getting my work done, getting my guild in gear, destroying the Righteous Hand, going into Gruul's Layer a few more times, and doing things worth accomplishing. Good versus evil. That kind of stuff.

Broxigan is taking lessons from my grandmother. That's pretty good. I'm glad to see someone learn from her. Goodness knows I don't have the patience for that kind of thing.

[Broxigan]

I found out through the various inner workings of our guild (AKA Broxigan and our thin walls) that Diomades broke up with Niethan.

((I swear to God I didn't do it.))

[Chikt]

((All everybody is hearing is rumors and are not giving Dio the benefit of the doubt. Nice to see he made such a good impression.

Nobody loves the Dio. v.v))

[Vilmah]

I was so happy, for a while. Everything was okay. I had everything I needed. I even had my birthday without incident. I turned seventeen, and I thought maybe it meant I had grown up some.

Broxigan contacted me over my hearthstone. He was injured, and he told me he was at my grandmother's. When I got there she was already gone. A few of the other Mag'har, too. Slain. Broxigan felt so guilty, but I could never hate him. He did what he could, and he even offered the funeral rites for everyone that had been lost. I've lost someone close to me, who I thought I might learn more from. I thought maybe she could teach me more about the tea ceremony, and about the orcs in Nagrand, and about myself.

It hurts a lot, but I'm not going to let it change me. I've seen what the death of loved ones can do to change people. This doesn't prove anything besides the fact that there is terrible evil in the world, and not because of race. I've met too many good draenai to think that they're all the same. I know the Alliance aren't to blame, because they've captured Sifar. We're going to save her or die trying. I know the Righteous Hand feels wronged, and that this will somehow ease their pain, but I'm not going to let them do it ever again. Sanctuary is going to set an example of what it means to sacrifice and give. I'm not going to turn cold or cruel because this happened. I'm not going to wage war. I'm going to destroy my enemies, those who have wronged me, and I'm going to continue to fight for justice.

Justice above all. Mercy for the innocent. It's not all talk, damn it.

[Sifar]

I'm going to destroy my enemies, those who have wronged me, and I'm going to continue to fight for justice.

Justice above all. Mercy for the innocent. It's not all talk, damn it.

*cheer* And that's why I chose your path.

[Vilmah]

Well, tonight is the night. Sanctuary is going to take Halaa, and with any luck, get some clues as to Sifar's whereabouts. I'm so scared for her. I hope she's alright.

I'll write more when it's over. I have much to prepare.

[Vilmah]

We've discovered Sifar's location. We've also discovered that they have a tauren in captivity as well..

Time for the cavalry to attack!!

[Vilmah]

Well I'm kinda stuck.

It's not bad, really. I'm in Sulajin's place, trying to "recover" as Niethan calls it. I'm not trapped or anything, because it's my choice to be here. Well.. my choice, now. After Broxigan and Niethan came to blows. Those two are nuts. I hate it when people fight over me. I'm not a freaking princess! i am a warrior, with axes and stuff. I don't need a valiant knight or whatever. I appreciate everyone looking out for me, but really, that's my job.

Anyway, I'll be back home with Rosette soon enough. Just have to gain a few pounds.

[Vilmah]

What happened? Do i even wanna know what i did? Right now anger is clouding my judgement. It was so much harder with people around. People think its so easy. As if i had a choice? I know he loves me and i love him and id kill her to prove it. Kill her and enjoy it. She thinks she can have what i have? He looked at me, but he never had to. I knew it was true when he told me. It was all true. Even when i said the same. Its me he sees. I know, because even blind, he has that look in his eyes. Like the first time.

[Vilmah]

It gets harder every time. What we have isn't normal, everyone knows that. Everyone knows.. the thing is, I'm not allowed to show it. I can't. I can't say anything or do anything. Sometimes around him we let eachother know in small ways, but that's as good as it gets. And to be honest, those moments are like heaven. What the heck is my problem? It's like I've got the best thing in the world, but when it's away I miss it so much it feels like torture. It all happened to fast, too. One moment my whole world is breaking apart, then the next, he came and saved it. Almost singlehandedly saved it. He did it willingly, and without me being able to give him anything in return. He never asked for anything, not even my thanks.

But to him, I'd give anything. For him, I give all that I can.

[Vilmah]

Hooooo boy do I feel better!

At first things were bad. Lots of bad stuff happened. Lots of arguments, Niethan mad at me, me trying to patch things up.. now things are looking up. I'm spending more time with my friends, I'm having some rafters built so the guild hall will be just like the old tavern, and I've even got some pretty new jewelry. I've never worn a collar, before.. but this one is leather and it's cool looking. I like it a lot. I don't think I'll ever take it off.

Well, maybe to shower.

Anyhoo, we're promoting new people and switching ranks around a bit. Nomeni decided to become a Scrapper and to follow Therium, which is cool with me. As much as I loved his insight (when he gave it) I think Broxigan makes a great High Myrmidon. We just gotta fill his old Myrmidon position an' well be all set!

We got a few new members in last night, too. A tauren named Moknim, and another elf named Mel.. Me.. something. I'll have to get his name again. He seemed real friendly.

That new elf place that people are fighting at sure is tough, but we can beat it. I know Niethan hates that place, but I really like elf architecture. All swirly and red and gold. I love red and warm colors. The guys inside are jerks, though.. and those wretched guys are creepy. Real creepy. Like.. scary creepy. Makes me glad I'm not the magical type. Like Nojinbu always said.. magic just complicates things. None of that for me, thanks. Things complicate themselves enough as it is.

[Vilmah]

Well, it's been two years.

TWO YEARS.

Two years ago, I was a boring air-headed naive warrior in training with no direction. I didn't know where I was going, what I was doing, or what I even wanted out of life. All I knew was that I had to do SOMETHING so I wouldn't end up in the drag, or paired off to some guy who wouldn't respect me. I never expected to go on a bazillion adventures, meet so many new friends, and become leader of a guild that's lasted two whole years.

Two years of justice.

I'm the only one who's been here since the beginning. Even Nojinbu left for his own reasons. He put his loyalty to his people before his loyalty to me, and it never stopped hurting, BUT, in a way I understand. I mean, what would I do? Who would I put first?


...

Stupid question. I know exactly who I would put first.

I met Niethan and he became my best friend. Sort of. He was always my best friend. I could never be his. Always second place. I've learned to live with that, too. I met a bazillion people who I would call friend, but none of them have ever shown me the type of loyalty that Niethan did, and recently, my new friends who for some reason or another, haven't left my side.

Broxigan, who always stands up for me and for Sanctuary.

Therium, who's bitter and angry and tough, but has a soft spot and always knows what to do.

Nomeni. He's a good leader, even if he doesn't want that advertised.

Vicailde. Um... I don't know. He's just always there. For some reason, he's always around to lend a hand and lead. I can't express how much I appreciate that.

Corridan, Breitak, I don't know why those guys are around all the time either.. but hey, not like I'm gonna look a gift orc in the mouth.

Ishinara, now, he's a great rogue. A good leader, too.

There's more I'm forgetting, I know, but.. those guys. They make my day. They make me happy to get up in the morning and go to sleep at night. They're the reason I stay around. I know that they'll never abandon me, which is a comfort I haven't had in a long time. Two years.

[Sulajin]

((QQ no Sul? So what if he threw Vil's carcass to Ragnaros, he didn't mean it!))

[Ninorra]

((*fist shake*))

[Vilmah]

Fun party! Just about everyone came. Even Fhenrir and Xaraphyne showed up! I was so happy to see everyone. At one point, Breitak and Nomeni got into a drinking contest. Then them and Broxigan ran naked to Grom'gol.

Yeah. Fun party.

[Vilmah]

Lotta weird things going on, lately.

First, Cristok from the Grim asks for Sanctuary's help on invading Alliance cities. This in itself is actually kinda funny. I have a feeling that the Grim played a trick on the poor guy, because they all know us. What the heck could he have been thinking otherwise? Then again, he didn't seem to be in his right mind. He said he'd talk to me privately. I'm looking forward to finding out what the deal with him is. I have a bad feeling about Malebrignon and the Grim...

Last night, I was attacked by a bug. A huge freaking bug. I suspect Sulajin was the cause, since it was made of obsidian and he's not allowed in the guild hall. He had Redemptio attack Therium, and so now he's banned. Why must people be so stupid?? Therium's a cranky old man, but Sulajin has no excuse. Whatever, I don't care. It's out of my hair, now.

Also, I'm teaching Niethan how to lift weighs. I'm gonna show 'em how to bulk up, orc style!

[Vilmah]

Got some stuff in the works. Hopefully, they'll pan out right. Just some ideas I've been kicking around, hopefully things that will help. Never hurts to help! Help help help.

I feel kind of bleh, lately. Maybe it's the atmosphere. If there's one thing that makes me feel better, it's the idea of helping people. Going out, making a difference, doing the work that Grisch told me to do. If he knew that I was feeling down, he'd roll in his grave. I'm Vilmah, remember? I'm supposed to be cheery and helpful. That's why I was given Sanctuary, because for those in need, I'll do my best.

My best.

For great justice.

[Vilmah]

Well, I burned the dress. There were so many there. It made me happy and proud, to see them. I've been a little distant, lately. Not sure why. It's not on purpose, it's just.. I don't know. That dress took forever to make.

I hope Grisch is wearing it.

[Vilmah]

Wow. So many things to write. I wonder if I even have time?

I've been away for a little while. After the thing with Grisch, I felt disconnected. Not to my guild particularly, but to myself. That sounds dumb, doesn't it? I saw how things were changing and realized I was scared. The question is, why should I be scared? Things always change. That's the only thing that stays the same. As much as things change, you can't expect them to change when you want them to. That's why I'm not so upset, anymore. It's not like I haven't changed. I'm just glad that despite all of the changes, the most important things have stayed the same.

I have people I depend on, yes, but I depend on myself now more than anyone else. That feels really good. I'm not scared of people going away, anymore. I can handle whatever happens, because I'm not as weak as I thought. I can live and love and fight, and no matter who goes away or stays, I'll always have myself. That was never comforting until now, but you know, it feels pretty good to let go of all that pain.

[Vilmah]

So I put up an ad in all the cities asking if anyone wants to go to Karazhan for fun. Broxy responded, so if nobody else does, at least I know I have him to depend on.

Aw heck, I didn't need him to sign up for me to know that.

I wonder if anyone'll respond? It'd be fun if they did!

[Vilmah]

So tonight is my rag-tag Karazhan night! A few more warriors signed up than I expected, so I'm sending Ninorra in my place to lead the group. I know she'll do a good job, but I'm gonna miss not being able to fight beside Broxigan and Amoola and the other people who show up. Oh well, I hope they all have a good time! At least I get the satisfaction of knowing I got to help out my friends.

[Vilmah]

Yeah. I hit my head while crashing into a watermelon stand.

VERY FUNNY, BROXIGAN. HAHAHA LAUGH IT UP I HAVE A CONCUSSION.

I need another nap. Headache feels like a kodo stomping on my septum.

[Vilmah]

Don't remember. Not much of anything, really. The past few months? Almost blank. The past few years? My name is still Vilmah, isn't it?

Wasn't I training to be a warrior?

Sanctuary? Mine?

Who are all of these people in this book? I keep reading things, and things come back, but the more I read the more confused I get. Where did this Nojinbu guy go? At least Broxigan I remember.. but it's so strange. I can hardly get my finger on the pulse of what I should be doing. Whenever I try to think clearly, I feel dizzy. Now I'm reading something about me hitting my head after Shiny tripped over a watermelon stand.

After all the stuff I've apparently been through, is it ironic that I should be screwed over by fruit?

[Vilmah]

Spoke to Broxigan, and he explained a lot to me. My memories are still a little fuzzy, but for the most part I know who and what I am. Rosette was easy to get used to again, and so were Kalgor and Steinburg. Therium thought I'd forgotten him, but how the heck could I? Moknim, too. I feel much better, so, now it's just a matter of getting myself back into fighting. For great justice!

[Vilmah]

I get the feeling I've changed. From what was written in this book, I must have been a pretty indicisive girl. It looks like I wasn't really ready for the challenges that I faced, or for the trials I'd have to take. In fact, I don't know if even Grisch knew what I'd have to go through.

But now that I'm back, I get this buzzing in my head. It's telling me I bellong here and that something is wrong, because Broxigan's not beside me. When he gets back, I'm gonna take him with me to the Basin, or the Valley. To do orc things, you know? I have this craving for fighting that feels so natural. Like everything I've ever forgotten is coming back to me.

[Vilmah]

Man I love bashin' bad guys! Broxy's gonna make an AWESOME vanguard, we make such a good team. Had a great time with him and Moknim and this lady named Saphiara, yesterday. It was great to have Gorehowl in my hands, again.

Something weird is in the air. Feels like something crazy is about to happen. Is this intuition I'm getting? Maybe I really am growing up...

[Vilmah]

So something has happened. Something I haven't done in.. well, over a year, actually.

I put away my shield. I've long since stopped being a useless grunt with a hammer, swinging at things listlessly withouta clue as to what I was doing. I was a horrible warrior, I admit that.. but with Gorehowl in my hands, I feel better. Stronger. I feel like I -need- to be strong, and skilled, and good at what I do. I am an orcish warrior, and I want to show how much better I've gotten over the past year. Broxigan is a good vanguard, and I'm proud of him. I think at this point, us trading places is not only going to be educational, but fun! Fighting for justice, side by side.. it's the best feeling in the world.

[Vilmah]

Things are so great, lately! We have a new lady in the guild named Malethia, and she's very nice. Last night, she, Moknim and I went to Zul'Aman. I met some old allies in there, one of them being Brokenaxe. Seeing him reminded me of Citadel, and hearing his voice reminded me of Nojinbu. I can't believe how much I miss him, still.

Broxigan is doing shaman stuff outside, though. He's really cute when he stomps on the ground.

[Vilmah]

I haven't gotten used to it, yet. I feel like I never will. Even writing is hard, now. I learned that if I put a rock on the paper to hold it steady, I can still write fairly okay, but still.. sometimes I go to reach for something and I freak myself out when I don't grab it. Or, I feel an itch on my hand and go to scratch, but nothing is there. I took my limbs for granted, forgetting how important they are to my profession.

Broxigan said that he could make me a mechanical arm. Something that could at least hold a shield. That would help, but it doesn't help me to stop feeling like a useless fool. I'm no good for anything now but a vanguard, a guardian. I can keep my friends from getting hurt (most of the time), but I can't perform offense to save my life. I had to give Gorehowl to Broxigan. I know he'll handle it well, but, I miss holding it in both hands. Feeling it's weight. Feeling the power and the history of one of our greatest hero.

[Vilmah]

We have to try. If we don't, we'll never know if there were some who might have been saved.

Defeatist attitudes help no one.

We have to be willing to forgive if we're to move forward.

How come whenever I talk now, I feel like I'm a hundred years old?

[Vilmah]

So I saw Gorthok, today. He seemed kinda.. nice, actually. Then he congratulated me for my glory in the arena. I guess some things never change, but, at least he didn't try to kill me this time. He even called me Warboss.

I remember when I used to look up to him. Now he's calling me Warboss. It's only been two years. Have things really changed so much?

Need to go yell at the Sentinels a little more. They should have their announcements up this week. That makes me happy.

[Vilmah]

I've gotten over the fact that my arm is gone. People keep offering to help me grow it back with magic and stuff, but I just can't do it. My ancestors used to cope with wounds like mine, what with their missing limbs and eyes and stuff. I mean, Broxigan is blind, and look at what he does. How could I use this as anything but a challenge?

We have another guild meeting, tomorrow night. Things are going pretty well. I think the Sentinels are calling me a task-master, but that's okay. I'm having fun working hard, again. I like seeng them all motivated, and it does my heart good when they get excited about it. I'm proud of us. I'm proud of them.

Broxigan and I are gonna install my arm tonight. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Will it be heavy and weird? Will it make noise? I'm sure nobody will notice, what with it being beneath armor, unless they see that it doesn't move like a normal arm.. but that doesn't matter. It will hold a shield, and that's all I need it to do. I can give hugs with my other arm.

[Vilmah]

Therium's little bitch fest last night was just the icing on the cake. After I've been killing myself to get things up and running again, he was no help. Sepia needed some friends. She didn't need to be yelled at. When Broxigan showed up late I almost had a nervous breakdown.

I spoke to him afterwards. We talked a lot. He's going to start being my other arm, so to speak, which is all fine and good... but I've missed him so much. I don't think it's any secret, what happened between us. What we have between us, still. I don't even care.

I don't even care.

[Vilmah]

I swear, some people have a tendancy to drive me insane. I asked for people with information on what was happening in the North, not for speeches on what we should do about the Alliance. What the heck is wrong with people?? That one troll lady grated on not only my nerves, but most of the people there. It's like nobody likes to listen, or something.

Anyway, for what it's worth, the meeting went relitively well. There wasn't as much fighting as usual. After it was over, Visararath showed up to tell me how worthless it was for him to have been there. Well hell, it's not like I'm forcing you people to be there.. you don't HAVE to go. Some people just like to whine, I think.

Afterwards, we got a new recruit. It felt so good to hear him talk because he genuinely felt the way Sanctuary does, and the poor guy had been on his own for a long time, without anyone else who felt the same way. I was so proud of Moknim for speaking to him first, it totally made the entire ordeal worth it. Saphiara spoke to the Raven Cross, too. I'm not sure yet what came of that, but she'll be reporting back to me today.

Also spoke to Gorthok. I think I've forgiven him.

[Vilmah]

I heard this song, and it brought something to my spirit.. I dunno what.. but it really pumped me up for battle. For leading. For just.. everything, really!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHUHcuXQoxA

The Swordmaster (by Rhapsody of Fire)

Ride... die... sacrifice!

along the river of bloody tears
the mighty steel shining in my hands
we march and honor our brothers
victims of kron's evil plan

we cross the lakes of the holy woods
to reach the ocean where red waves rule
the black king is moving to algalord
this is the time... he has to be stopped!

hail, hail!
...brave swordmaster!
march, march!
...great swordmaster!
and i ask the wind for the fall of the king...!

into the ray of the sun
march our hero hunting the darklord
reborn from the blood of his god...
his god... the warmaster kron
ride for the fall of his power
fighting the storm, the roar of the thunder
ally of the sun and the moon...
great swordmaster rule!

between the waves of the raging sea
echoes of warcries and battle hymns
the underworld's armies found their ancient queen
the funeral march in the depths of the abyss

the terror which strikes the honor which prays
will be face to face in the mortal doomsday
resist my fierce soldiers their vision can kill
it will test your courage... and your will to live

hail, hail!
...brave swordmaster!
march, march!
...great swordmaster!
and i ask the wind for the fall of the king...!

into the ray of the sun
march our hero hunting the darklord
reborn from the blood of his god...
his god... the warmaster kron
ride for the fall of his power
fighting the storm, the roar of the thunder
ally of the sun and the moon...
great swordmaster rule! (3x)

to avenge all those cries i will rise to the sky
to defend mother life...
ride... die... sacrifice!

[Vilmah]

Blood.. blood in tanks. Being harvested. People being used like.. cattle. It was so freaky!! And people wonder why I'm a vegan!? We killed him though, some kinda weird, blood drinking elf guy... so wrong. So very very wrong. I mean really, people talk about how there's no "true evil" but that... THAT is evil.