Gannarak
04-20-2006, 11:25 AM
I go by the name of Doresain, I was not always Doresain, but it seems my old name no longer applied to the reality of my existence. I am part of the undead referred to as the Forsaken. Although I am not part of the mainstream Forsaken, as I do not seek what they seek or fight the battles they would like me to fight, as I understand this world, either you are Forsaken, or you are Scourge. It was in fact the first thing I was told, that I was salvaged, or saved, from the scourge. They say the real difference between us and them, is choice, though at first it would seem so, I have found that the difference lies not in choice, but in whether you are aware you are being used or not, choice remains mostly an illusion, we are tied to our duties. If we do not perform, we are tossed aside or destroyed, undead are tools, such was their purpose when first created, and still they are, though one could argue we are indeed ruled by other undead, but, that’s another category I suppose.
I often see my fellow Forsaken proclaim their freedom. It is evident that their individuality makes them free, well, in their own view. In a sense, having the freedom of thoughts is a form of freedom we are gifted with, but it does not mean that we are indeed free, at least, we are not mindless slaves, but is it such a blessing. I believe there is no worse feeling then being aware of our own condition, being an undead was never intended to be a blessing; it is a curse, a vile curse. We are given freedom of thought to be aware of our curse.
Of course, this curse can be turned in a blessing with sufficient focus and hate. Eternal existence can be considered a blessing with the sufficient drive to ignore all its inconvenience. Such drives can be power, revenge, thirst for knowledge or even act as guardian. To living beings given eternal life, it can very well be a blessing, because they do not deteriorate with time as a human would. To an undead, you loose everything for the profit of having time. Is time worth the thrill of life? To some, I suppose, but seeing how bitter most of the Forsaken are, I would guess it is not so pleasurable to be dead. Of course, it is always a question of perception and rank, as a lowly Forsaken, it would come to no surprise that I feel like a slave.
I do regret my past life. I do not feel like I used to feel. It seems the world has lost its color, its taste. Everything grows darker every day like shadowy claws that could grasp my soul and slowly take my perceptions away. As if the maggots crawling under my skin were eating away my humanity as they do my flesh. Even if I manage to get feeling out of this shell, it is never quite the same, to a point where even pain would be a relief if it was as before. All is left is the pain of the soul, but even that fades away as I grow more and more into an automaton without real feelings. It has come to a point where very high stimulation is required for me to react emotionally. I understand this is how most Forsaken get to perform the most horrible of deeds with little concern, a good thing that I am a cerebral person and that my morale is not dictated by emotions but rather by rationalization.
Existence as a Forsaken, in a sense, has not yet provided a clear goal to me. It would seem my immortality, or more accurately my perpetual existence, provides nothing because it lacks the natural drives life brings about. No need to accommodate an emotional need or even a physiological need, the notion of need becomes abstract because my existence is not threatened by inaction, I could even add that inaction guaranties my existence. So what is left? It seems to serve no purpose to seek more power or knowledge because I could have no applications for such things.
But of course, my thoughts are based on my very own perceptions, and as dark as it may seem, I cannot conceive that every undead went through the same process as I did, maybe I over think everything, or maybe am I mislead by my past experiences? I invite all of you to join this philosophical discussion, and give your own perception.
-Doresain, Student of the Arcane Art and Forsaken-
((Take two on stories for me, this one is open so you can all discuss. To avoid all confusion, Doresain is an alt of mine.
J-))
I often see my fellow Forsaken proclaim their freedom. It is evident that their individuality makes them free, well, in their own view. In a sense, having the freedom of thoughts is a form of freedom we are gifted with, but it does not mean that we are indeed free, at least, we are not mindless slaves, but is it such a blessing. I believe there is no worse feeling then being aware of our own condition, being an undead was never intended to be a blessing; it is a curse, a vile curse. We are given freedom of thought to be aware of our curse.
Of course, this curse can be turned in a blessing with sufficient focus and hate. Eternal existence can be considered a blessing with the sufficient drive to ignore all its inconvenience. Such drives can be power, revenge, thirst for knowledge or even act as guardian. To living beings given eternal life, it can very well be a blessing, because they do not deteriorate with time as a human would. To an undead, you loose everything for the profit of having time. Is time worth the thrill of life? To some, I suppose, but seeing how bitter most of the Forsaken are, I would guess it is not so pleasurable to be dead. Of course, it is always a question of perception and rank, as a lowly Forsaken, it would come to no surprise that I feel like a slave.
I do regret my past life. I do not feel like I used to feel. It seems the world has lost its color, its taste. Everything grows darker every day like shadowy claws that could grasp my soul and slowly take my perceptions away. As if the maggots crawling under my skin were eating away my humanity as they do my flesh. Even if I manage to get feeling out of this shell, it is never quite the same, to a point where even pain would be a relief if it was as before. All is left is the pain of the soul, but even that fades away as I grow more and more into an automaton without real feelings. It has come to a point where very high stimulation is required for me to react emotionally. I understand this is how most Forsaken get to perform the most horrible of deeds with little concern, a good thing that I am a cerebral person and that my morale is not dictated by emotions but rather by rationalization.
Existence as a Forsaken, in a sense, has not yet provided a clear goal to me. It would seem my immortality, or more accurately my perpetual existence, provides nothing because it lacks the natural drives life brings about. No need to accommodate an emotional need or even a physiological need, the notion of need becomes abstract because my existence is not threatened by inaction, I could even add that inaction guaranties my existence. So what is left? It seems to serve no purpose to seek more power or knowledge because I could have no applications for such things.
But of course, my thoughts are based on my very own perceptions, and as dark as it may seem, I cannot conceive that every undead went through the same process as I did, maybe I over think everything, or maybe am I mislead by my past experiences? I invite all of you to join this philosophical discussion, and give your own perception.
-Doresain, Student of the Arcane Art and Forsaken-
((Take two on stories for me, this one is open so you can all discuss. To avoid all confusion, Doresain is an alt of mine.
J-))