A Journal Bound in Darnassian Wood

[Mavis Audrapel]

Gilneas has fallen and most of the survivors evacuated to Darnassus, including me. It took me weeks to get up the courage to finally go home. I took one of the rescued horses for the journey, an old farmhorse named Bill that won't spook easy, I'm grateful for that.

It's been more then a month since I left and so much seems to have changed. Apparently dragons will do that. The barracks are ruined, so operations have been moved to old town for a time. I guess the smaller space doesn't matter right now, seems half the guards have gone off to war and most those that fill up the streets now have barely hit twenty. Knowing this It's not surprising I still have a job, once I proved I was still alive. Apparently so much has been going on my absence wasn't unusual. I will need to find new housing though, with someone else moving in while I was gone.

I'm actually glad no ones been asking too many questions, I'm afraid what will happen if anyone finds out and it's why I haven't gone to see my family yet. I don't know what dad told mom, but if the lawyer did his job dad has the letter I sent him and that makes my disapearence difficult to explain without telling them the truth. I just can't tell them that.

[Mavis Audrapel]

With some luck I managed to find new boarding arrangements with Heinrich Stone in old town. The blade merchant remembers me well enough and I guess having a guardsman living above adds to security. I'm at least happy to be out of the barracks again since that living so closely to the other guards adds an unwanted danger and my bunkmate has already begun mentioning that I make strange noises in my sleep.

My new lodgings are already cluttered with half written letters to family, discarded because the explination never seems good enough but i'm still too afraid of what the truth might do. Worgen(as much as I hate using that label) have been filtering into Stormwind for a week now, many of them choosing not to use their human form, rather flaunting their more feral appearence. As expected the results are not positive and the guard has been flooded with complaints of beastmen with everything from slaughtered chickens to full on conspiracy to infect the whole population.
There is no exception of mistrust among the guards and many see them as little better than orcs or wild animals. If it were not for King Greymane being in the city I'm positive that every one would have been routed out and put to the sword.

[Mavis Audrapel]

Today Weller made an off color joke about Gilneans, saying that, 'the trees have turned yellow from the piss.' Everyone laughed, Including me out of fear. I see little violence against them but there has been a good deal less of the usual crimes around the city. I can't see this as being a good thing, mainly the reason is that few feel comfortable leaving their homes and even the Captain fears that something might snap.

Heinrich has been having me help out with some of his blades, he says I'm stronger than I look. I guess I have a knack as a blacksmith and he's offered to train me during my free time. It's a profession I'm willing to learn, but this will have to wait until my return from Westfall, the investigator there has called for backup over some murders. If possible I may make a detour to Duskwood after the investigation.

[Mavis Audrapel]

I don't blame the citizens for their rebellion, I an understand their frusteration in many ways. In the end it only took a few insperational words from an angry daughter to bring them to arms. I worry about the inevitable deaths of the desperate when the soldiers come to silence the rebellion.
I've taken time to sleep off into duskwood as planned, my detour is purely personal as the rumors of feral wolf men circulate here too. I can only wonder how the worgen have managed to keep to this region and my only guess might be their need to cling to pieces of their former life.

I've run into Oliver Harris here at Raven Hill, he recognized me almost immediatly and asked for my help. Many of his tools I recognize, the stocks, the cages, the guillotine that already stains the ground with blood. Oliver has already experienced failures here. Up to now his only help has been a nervous fellow known as jitters whose only motivation for a task seems to be fear. How the man got his nickname there is no mystery.

[Mavis Audrapel]

"It's good to hear you're well and living, your mother was worried since that man sent us the letter along with your effects. Your sister is still running around with the Werner boy, we expect a union next year and here is hoping we won't need to rush it. Your mother has done nothing but look forward to your visit this Winters Veil but she understands if you're busy.

I don't know why you didn't tell us the second you got back from wherever it was you were, your last letter seemed so final and when there was nothing following it we assumed the worst. I won't try to understand your reasons, but I hope that you will at least try to make it to Redridge for the holiday.

-With love, Your Father"


I'm not sure how my dad found out I was back in Stormwind, or even still alive, but It was foolish of me to think I could hide forever. The handwriting is familiar at least and I guess it's comforting to know that Wental is still writing his letters, the ones he doesn't feel comfortable giving to Susan. I'm not sure what I'm going to tell him.
There are many I've met that don't consider their condition a curse, it's the opposite for them. I can't understand that and it worries me when they brag about superiority, I can't understand why anyone would thing being a monster makes you superior. There is very little control in this and if it makes anyone superior then it's beyond time for me to leave the city and join a cult.

[Mavis Audrapel]

I never used to let myself get drunk before, I don't think it's even a good idea now, expecially now with my condition. The alcohol manages to dull the nature of the beast but it's so brief it's hardly worth it and because of it I managed to get myself caught by those pirates. My luck the captain was actually a reasonable woman, though this now means I have to compromise my integrity for freedom and silence. Never again, it's not worth it and if I go to far I'll likely end up releasing the beast instead of suppressing it.
The problem is it's been getting harder to ignore the instinct, everytime I reign it in I can feel it fighting back, there have been too many moments where I'm hungry and everything looks like food. Even raw mutton on a plate seems bland and unappetizing when you can smell fear from a rat under the floorboards. Ranavos knows now, but maybe I shouldn't have shown him, he looked so disgusted at seeing my kill, or the eating part at least.

My old journal still sits unopened after it's unexpected return. Knowing what I do now, I'm afraid of reliving the uncertainty of those weeks, I can barely even stand to look at the claw marks that managed to go straight through it's cover, or the animal blood on the pages. Most of all I fear what she added to it, what her observations were, what I had become. I'm not ready for that yet.

I'll try to leave for Redridge tommorow afternoon, there are still some things I need to take care of and...I guess I want to put it off as long as possible.

[Mavis Audrapel]

I've been feeling better after my ride to Redridge. Midway I stabled Bill and went hunting, if the innkeeper wondered about me returning to the lodgings half naked he didn't say anything. He must have thought I seduced someone's daughter and had my way with her until morning.
Dad didn't look eager over my return, but for him that's nothing strange. I know what it must have took for my illiterate and normally private father to dictate a personal letter to someone who is nowhere near kin. Mom is the opposite, I've caught her blubbering several times when she's not fussing. Susan's been keeping close to me, and every time I turn around I have to check so I don't trip over her.

I think for the first several hours since my homecoming everyone expected to see Gavin at the door, It's not something I say out loud, but I'm glad for the finality of his cremation, I don't think anyone would want to see his walking corpse...the family has suffered enough.

Redridge was spared most of the quake damage but it was early to think my home was unchanged. Dad says the gnolls have been more aggressive lately and the Blackrock Orcs acting up too. Everyones been forced to hire more hands for the protection but with the kidnappings finding anyone has been difficult.

We were midway through dinner when I noticed the candy box on the shelf, it was strange that dad would have anything new, but when I asked he kept changing the subject. That was before I caught her scent and recognized the elven design of the box.

I have never seen my father afraid before.

It was luck I convinced mom not to call me a doctor, but It took over an hour for me to supress the beast. Dad isn't blind, he knows that somethings wrong and I'm worried that waiting for the right moment may end up to be too late.

[Mavis Audrapel]

Went to lakeshire with dad to see about locating a new table, he didn't say anything about how it broke and I'm still trying to decide if I'm thankful for that. Svetlaena had actually left two 'gifts' for me, as I found out when I entered Lakeshire. It was probably why the candy tin smelled like blood, but I'm so used to her being joined with the scent anymore it's been difficult to seperate when she's found another victim. She hadn't killed this one yet, which worried me that she had something else in mind, the way Cianthilon told it she had been planning to make him like the others until she reconsidered, proving that his survival was no accident.


Speaking with her victim I know that I will never understand why she does these things and selfishly I ho-

<the entry cuts off abruptly and the page is torn, indicating that someone dug into the book too hard and rose too fast.>

[Mavis Audrapel]

*this page is loose, as if it was added later.*

It's hard to remember my actions during my rage. It doesn't draw a complete blank, but most of the events are blended together in mindless violence that I still have trouble suppressing.

They have my sister.

I try to justify my own berserk rampage, but it's comforting to think that every Orc will die screaming if Susan is not safe. For absolute certainty I will try my damndest to make sure that comes true.

I've at least been brought down enough where I can think again, Bravo company needs men and they have an idea where Susan might be held. Light be praised they don't know what I look like, I don't even think it matters. Man or beast I'm something that can cause a lot of damage for them when it's important.

[Mavis Audrapel]

A guard was killed a few days ago. His body was torn apart and eaten in the mage district. It's obvious to everyone who did it and if it wasn't the murderer was heard confessing to the crime in a tavern. The details of the murder are being kept quiet, everyone knows how bad it could get if people start panicking.
Still havn't spoken to mom and dad since Winterveil, it's better I don't anyway from dad's reaction, not to mention Susan's. Part of me knew Quel'Ivan would come back to murder that elf, that I didn't want to believe it doesn't change the outcome. The truth is, I'm not sure her original motives are the same anymore.

[Mavis Audrapel]

Someone has been passing around bloodthistle. By a longshot this isn't anything new but for once theres a half decent description of the ringleader. Talked to the Captain about thes situation and he recommended letting the elf off, see where he leads us I guess. Every effort I made looking into the death of Vlynor has been met with a dead end save for the events of last night when I ran into trouble with a rogue Worgen who was sent to "encourage" me to to stay out of trouble. If he's to be believed he was working on behalf of the 73rd and there was mention of the 73rd being involved in Vlynor's death. I at least can't think of any other reason that brings me close enough to the group to warrant hiring thugs.

Anyway lately been trying to mask my odor in case my past figures out to look for me in Stormwind. Theres a lot that I don't remember in those past few months but I'm not ready to find out anytime soon. Ulrich Moonrunner if I even remember the name right comes off as part of that group that's not interested in returning to a human life, the fact that he was a packleader makes my situation worse if he finds me. Heinrich looks at me strange now every time I leave the upstairs room. I didn't want to risk my scent lingering around where I sleep but now I come off as some effeminate nut. He's been good enough not to comment on it though, which is more then I can say for the other guards, who now ask not to patrol with me for fear they'll lose all sense of smell.

[Mavis Audrapel]

I received a package today from dad containing a stack of Gavin's old letters to home. He also wrote about looking forward to my next visit. I know what he was trying to tell me. Part of me still worries what my family now thinks of me but for right now I'm hopeful, I don't feel like I'm alone. Most of my morning had me trying to write up a half decent response, but part of me knows I'll give it up and just show up on their dorstep a week later.

Further problems with the integration of Worgen, of all places it comes from the church. Urivial Beckett makes no secret his feelings about Worgen and Death Knights and I think he sees them as some greater threat then the undead orcs and legion combined. The almost mindless fanaticism scares me, but even more so that he works on behalf of the church and the bishops must approve of these actions. I kept him from being mauled by some angry worgen the other day, he didn't seem to notice, or at least didn't care, he said so himself he was baiting them for violence.

Almost three weeks and no sign of Quel'Ivan lately. I'm glad for this, I don't look forward to her visits.

[Mavis Audrapel]

Came out of a bad night. Beckett found a way to slip wolfsbane into my meal, it wasn't two bites before I knew I was poisoned and if I had eaten the rest I'm not sure if I would still be alive. The man is without a doubt fanatical, insane and ruthless and his actions have only served to confirm his suspicions about me.

I'll try to press charges and complain to the captain but without the poisoned meat to show as proof it's my word against his. The irony is if I had actually died I would have a stronger case against him, the wolfsbane still being in my system on my death.

[Mavis Audrapel]

I decided that I need to attend services more often, since I've returned I've lost much of my faith in the light, unwilling to accept that it's embrace would allow what happened to me. I think, after reading my brother's letters I'm beginning to understand how selfish those thoughts are. I spoke to Father Laninos in confession , it's comforting to know that not all who claim servitude to the church hold me responsible for my condition.
No good word on my accussations against Beckett, and it's as much the fault of myself for refusing to specify the poison as it is that of his superiors for silencing the case. The captain ranted a bit, then yelled at me for being vague, pretty sure he knows theres a few details in the report I'm keeping from him.

Wrote a thank you letter to dad also and included a paragraph apologizing to Susan, hoping if I make this first step it will prevent her from being afraid of me.

[Mavis Audrapel]

I'm a coward and being found out my first thought is saving my own skin.
Beckett has made my options very clear and he makes no secret which would be the best one for me. My own problem is how to justify my own fears against what I know is the right thing to do.
Problems lately with the Seventy Third Regiment and Evellin's Corsairs, the leaders I think can at least manage law abiding, it's their subordinates I have trouble with, namely both groups have suspected involvement in various incidents around the city. If I find out which one of the bastards stabbed Father Laninos I'll r-....

Stopped wearing the cologne, It doesn't work. The other guards and the Captain are grateful.

[Mavis Audrapel]

No real answer to who bombed the two ships, both SI:7 and the Guard are tripping over themselves in seperate investigationsm and those are onl the two major groups. Past couple of weeks my job has gone from nothing to everyone trying to talk at once, it's a problem with us being so short handed, had to actually patrol the roads tonight.
Beckett has been causing more trouble, but, I think right now he isn't my biggest problem. They don't understand how strong the beast is, if I stop suppressing it, what part of the old me will there be left? Shaeya helps but, what if they're all wrong? I don't want to end up a monster.

[Mavis Audrapel]

This month alone the city has gone from quiet to boiling. With the increased workload most of the guards barely have a moments rest. Collins blames it on the Worgen and then went on to suggest they penned up until they could be housebroken. We still haven't been able to locate Evellin for questioning about the destruction of her ship, but with the supply ship in flames too everyones starting to look at the Defias. Beckettt seems to have gone from his extreme predjudice of worgen and attacking any who offer sympathies to another extreme. It sickens me that he is treating a feral worgen as a trained pet, of course the worgen's brother has no idea what's happened to her.
Shaeya suggested that the feral may need to be put down for safety if the elixer can't be given to her or doesn't even work at all, I don't want it to come to that.
Still remember nothing from my blackout three days ago, it worries me that I may be losing control again. Quel'Ivan has claimed it is a cause of me suppressing the beast and if it were only her saying it, I wouldn't believe her. The problem is the more that I suppress my instincts the harder they become to control. I'm afraid though if I stop suppressing the beast now I won't be able to control it at all.
No idea if Beckett has passed the information he has on me over to his superiors, at least, no one has indicated there being anything wrong with me. I'm holding out hope that in the end all he had were empty threats or his superiors never believed him.

[Mavis Audrapel]

*this entry is written on a loose sheet of paper, it looks like it was inserted into the journal later on.*

I don't know what made me think I could keep it up, hiding it. Ableham's article made it sound like the worgen are an infectious disease, I don't even know if I can pass the curse on, I don't even want to try to find out. No way of knowing how the Captain feels about what I am, I think he was more angry that he was one of the last to know and he's my direct superior. Others make no secret of their opinion of worgen, Officer Moore blacked my eye on the way out, the less braver guards have done everything from spitting to dirty looks.
Most of my possessions have been confiscated and I've been suspended pending a full review, I guess it's okay to have worgen as allies, just not as equals. I worry because when one pencil pusher finally reads my journals they might see what Quel'Ivan wrote, the entries that I didn't get the guts to look at yet. I'll be incriminated for treason and I won't have any idea what she said. Captain suggested I get out of town for a few days, plan to take the advice, at least I'll be less likely to be treated like a diseased rat.

[Mavis Audrapel]

Word travels fast in lakeshire, if the curious looks by the townsfolk were any proof. I only had to look at the posting board near the town hall to know, I guess it's no surprise, someone always manages to post a paper there so people can get an idea of the news outside the city, I just wish they hadn't picked Ableham's paper. I didn't spend much time around town before making sure Shaeya was checked in at the inn, wanting to avoid too many folks asking questions. Dad didn't have most of the fruit cleaned off the house before we showed up. To his credit he didn't say anything but I think I actually felt more comfortable around Susan's anger then I did around mom trying to pretend that nothing was different. I guess Jacob Werner hadn't taken her brother's condition well, their break up ended with him throwing cow pies.

If I didn't think it would make it worse I'd have marched over their and boxed his ears til they cauliflowered.

[Mavis Audrapel]

Got my journals back, unread as I'm told. Still not sure how far I can trust Beckett on that one though. The man has taken a direct turn from who he was before, so much that I'm not even sure if it is the same one who poisoned my food a month back.
Can only hope he's not the only one whose had a change of heart lately, I'll be facing a full review within the week. If I'm still a guard by the end of it will depend on how bad the sentiment is against worgen, if the jury is anything like Redridge I figure I got a fighting chance, but they know me here andmost have only seen worgen recently.

[Mavis Audrapel]

All the times I've had to fight with Pevin Burnside over his clients I'm actually grateful he's so good at what he does, at least now. Two hours of the prosecution parading witnesses before the court arguing my competence is enough to be glad it's all over, even if I don't like the conditions of my reinstatement, the wors of which requires me to parade around in a tracking collar whenever I'm on duty.
-Three month probation with a mental and physical review each month.
-Monitored patrols
-re-assignment to the violent crimes special force.
Shaeya wonders why I didn't just let it go with all the restrictions, but they're using me as an example for integrating and I can't screw that up.

[Mavis Audrapel]

I'm being more careful about hiding my journal in case something happens again. I don't want to risk them being read by others. I should probably just burn them but the importance of the memories make it hard to destroy and it's helpful on bad days. Third time this week someone stuck a chewtoy in my footlocker, at least it's better then when they were replacing my meals with dog bones, not by much though. The Captain has been keeping the guards in check but most people think the worst of me for wearing the collar and because of that I'm starting to have second thoughts about my decision. Dad says when you make a choice you have to stick by it so I don't plan to go back on my word, I'm just hoping they understand that these conditions are just making things worse. At least theres one good thing from this as I've now been able to recieve specialized armor that won't destroy itself each time I change, still have problems with the boots though.

[Mavis Audrapel]

I was ready for some drawbacks but I don't think I thought about other worgen hating me for my choice. Heuss, now calling himself Northas, has been expecially taunting. It's stranger because a month ago he'd been completely devoted to Beckett as his personal pet. His sister is dead, found murdered in the dwarf district. It was most likely done by a worgen she trusted, there were no signs of struggle, Heuss has yet to be questioned on her death.

[Mavis Audrapel]

Shaeya has been unbelievably supportive of my choices, I know she doesn't agree with them. Thank the light that has blessed me with her companionship. Heinrich doesn't seem to mind me living in his spare room, but I know it's taken it's toll. His sales have dropped to almost nothing with me being there and I'm afraid of his generosity bankrupting him. I'll try bringing the subject up with Shaeya and maybe together we could come up with something that h has four walls a roof and can stand on a guard's salary.