A Arcanist's Tome

[Adamaris]

As I sit here holding this tome and writings within it I think back to the first day I started my self destroying mind. To start frankly I wish I did not have to kill another just for the fact they do not listen to the words of others, the ignorance that most of my kind still cling to. For if I could I would stand in support of peace, but sadly I do not. Do not get me wrong I love my people and my city. Honor our allies and uphold their causes for they accepted us where we had no where els to go. But this is all history we all know, though it seems some of our knights.. and magisters..even the farstriders and rogues.. yes even the warlocks of our noble city start to stagnate.. and old grudges start to emerge.


Then I wonder to myself I have started to lose my edge, my once sharp mind.. filled with nothing but hatred and lies to one another. Holding my head up and walking through this corruption of our own people I strive to serve the horde with the arcane magic's I weld in honor of the man I called my teacher and father. Imagine my shock when I found out that I had family still alive, Though one is a Paladin, the other.. a warlock, both strong in their hearts and the magic's they wield. It makes me looking down at the magic's I control and wonder did I make the right choice of my path? Is the path set before me my best option or is it going to be my biggest destruction?

Now as we all know that if one cannot stick to one path there is something to be said, though no one says it. I feel that my grip on my mind is not always my own, I have tryed to stand for peace when no one seems to see this. I work with the other factions when I want to try to be peaceful to our fellow cousins. But for some reason or another these things are thwarted by others... other that wish to continue a old time grudge. I look around me and to my guest who is sleeping peacefully on my own bed, this little child, even though she is cheeky I can't help but smile when she is so curious about the world. I indulge her in wanting to travel though I can't help but think she doesn't like being in one spot for to long. But this child along with several others will be our futer our blood though we may never be related. Our history lives on in them. Hopefully by then the war will have ended but if it does not who is to say we will continue to live as we do..?

How will our lifes impact the future?
Will this continue on?
(( edited due to confusion on my part oops!! ))

[Adamaris]

Well it has certainly been some time since I have pulled this Tome out. Where must I begin now.. at the fact I could no longer fill my performances within my old band.. the distrust that started within my own heart. Or the fact the moment I request for time off to help a very close person to see him die before my eyes? As I sit here writing my thoughts I think back and wonder if the path I have chosen is wise indeed.

Soon after everything is said and done I left my position within my former guild, Liberators. I truly am sorry if you ever come across this tome. This is not a betrayal, it is just another path I must take. Using the magics I have been taught to slaughter is no longer a good idea for me, how many orphans did I create? How many wife's will never see their husbands? Or the sons and daughters that will never come home because of actions in my part? These questions plague my mind but I continue on my path taking my time to observe the surroundings that I now have. I am more that willing to give them all up though. The items they are nothing Items possessions are things that can be destroyed and replaced. But life.. that is treasure. I wish I could stress this more. Treasure your time with your loved ones..you never know when your never going to see them again.

I found within a day and night, that the one that I treasured defied death once more, though I know that most would frown..I can only feel joy when I am next to my treasure. I am filled with happiness and peace when I stand next to him and the determination to help him in any way I can even if he doesn't see it. I will always be there until it is my time to rest. Though.. others may call this a silly thing I think that it is truth my truth and nothing will see it changed.

If we are to be here.. spend our life's with one another. Make them days of happiness

[Adamaris]

I must remember to write more often within this thing, sadly it gets covered with all the papers that continue to pile upon my desk. I am planing on trying to come back after my months of self imposed isolation and confinement, I have left another band. I don't know my path anymore.. the more I move on the more hidden it becomes. Maybe I have followed the wrong choices, especially with leaving the Liberators, I know that Selash looked at it as abandonment. The family I have didn't seem to think that this was the wisest of ideas. Some though seemed to have thought it wise enough. I sit here now thinking on everything and realize that I haven't been honest with myself on anything. I am too much a kind person. Still antagonized by my dreams of the battle field. Things I try so hard to forget but yet cannot forget them.

But soon I shall be comeing back.. Maybe to make amends and try to get back on the right footing with my old bands.. or maybe just to be myself finally. I do not know if anyone has truly missed me.. I don't think that is possible I have made myself the coward .. and now I must find a back bone. Maybe now I will be able to become who I was supposed to be not who I am now.. Maybe this will happen maybe it wont but my return will start a new time for me where I will no longer hide or cower behind my friends and loved ones. I will be able to stand on my own two feet even if it does cost me what is left of my mind.

We shall see about this and the results of what is to come from this.

[Adamaris]

My hand shaking as I sit down and open this tome, It's been awhile and a lot has changed. I though my children dead.. and found them days after I, Oh god what did I do? I have to stop myself or have someone stop me soon. At moments like this. I feel the edges of the Arcane potency that my master left me eat away at my sanity, I am no longer me. I've taken the steps on my end to try to prevent this from happening again. Once again. my children are torn from my grasp and sent away I do not even get to say goodbye for this is done while I am away. Who plucks a strings of a taunt harp runs the risk of it breaking I guess this is why my children were hidden from even me. I do not know If it's even see them once more. I Understand why this was done if it was done because they were fearful of their lives. I woke up that power again that I would destroy just than my life, their lives would be gone as well.


Fel blast her, that rogue. this started with her picking a fight with a friend and I helped this friend, But it's not all her fault I have acted this way she helped accelerate a confrontation that must happen, I am sorry Selash that I used you but I saw no other way than to rile the Kel'Dorie who seemed to think messing with a mother's children was wise. I spent two years in Dalaran after everything hiding .. staying safe keeping my children from harm and Cytiana did this. What was her goal? To rile me up she did that well. I am sure I returned the favor plenty Yes yes the little bombed letter, Infused with arcane energy. Those Kel'Dorie need to awaken their magical sences once more since they accepted their Highborn Cousins back again. But my dear Tome, this is not the rant for that at these times. I have left my home in Dalaran at this point for I know I will be hunted again. This saddens me cause of the fact I worked so hard to get here.. now I must leave. Oh well. I've Left Duroxas a show of trust, If anything happens to that present I gave him.. I might as well kiss this tome good bye until I have time to learn a new trade. Or a new way of defending myself. I hear carrying around a large sword works..That might be a option.

I don't think I can stand to be around others too well unless I keep myself in check.. but if some other eyes read this please understand what I did.. I did it cause I thought I had nothing left to live for. It was better to have gone out with something like this rather than leaveing my mind to wander without it's small amount of peace. This..was before my childern were alive and well as told to me.. and shown, then a few days later taken away once more. I cause nothing but pain to my family for my actions and they must stay away.

Amalithea, Nadila..I'm sorry my dearist ones..
To my husband.. if your the one reading this don't go after them in vengance. I earned this and It's deserved.

Make no mistake though I will fight them. They will not kill me without one good fight

[Adamaris]

It hurts, the arcane magic missing from my craft. I gave it to a keeper, a close person whome I don't know if he will set me up or hold my trust in him. Duroxas, will he use the powers I gave him for his own use or just keep them away from me as I had asked him to. I try to fill the holes of my craft, fire is strong, but so is frost. I though know the destructive force that are both elements, but the magics are not enough to keep away the pain. I feel anguish over my actions, what I did in complete mindless rage. But this is what I've done and it will not happen again. I have taken my steps towards that. Maybe now I can finally fix the things I have done wrong. Though it may be too late for this I shall give it a shot. I am done with my mindless warring of the alliance. Tired of the killing, magics are something that come naturally as breathing though I don't know if I can remain away from the arcane arts. The pain is growing more and more. If I do continue to avoid them I may never be able to help another, instead running and hiding in the corners of the world. Was Cally right? Am I just another side of what she could have been ? Am I really able to continue to be who I am even though my hands shake as I write these words? I think past on everything I have done I've done because of what I thought I stood for. But really I only did it to prove to others and not myself. Now I'm stuck in this center, I see the fel magics. I see the holy arts, do I dabble in one or the other? Am I really fit for it or am I just trying to prove to others and not myself about my abilities to adapt to the changes that have shook the world? Erohol, what happend to him? Why did he let vengence rule his dessions? He's not so different than myself. Duroxas and Svetlana, my cousins who still remain strong though their actions are indeed shady but needed in times like these. I only contact them if I need something. Though I feel like they are getting tired of dealing with a elf like myself who seems only fitted to carry a message when it's something that needs to be delivered.Cytiana, that Kel'Dori does she continue to hide or will she deliver a blow now? Or later? Will she stay in the shadows until my mind rips it's self apart from my own actions?

Who knows? These questions will be shown a different light once the times come and I will see what my path has gone to.

Until next time this old tome. I should really tell you more of my thoughts.