Jobolg
09-21-2006, 01:37 PM
“All I wanted was some damn toast!” Jobolg muttered loudly to himself as he made his way back into his lab. “And that troll had the nerve to tell me ‘What’s toast?’ What’s TOAST?! Gah! ‘A-duuurrrr.. I are retarded troooll and I drool a lot cuz I have none brains.. Durrr.. And I dunno what toast is!’”
The day had been hectic since the very moment Jobolg’s eyes opened, and when he slung his legs out of bed and set off a loaded gun, he knew it was going to be a bad day. Now, the one thing he desired which might set his day back on the right track, a piece of toast, had been deprived him. As he wandered about his lab, stomach roaring from the lack of crunchy carbohydrate goodness, he found himself only able to tinker half-heartedly with his gadgets. After all, what good were all these gadgets if he couldn’t get a single piece of... toast... and...
“Wait.. I HAVE A TOASTER!!!” the gray orc cried out, voice amplified twice – once by the mass of empty space in his lab, and again by the voice amplification device whose receivers were all over (he dubbed this device a loudspeaker) – so that everyone within several miles probably could have heard him clearly. “Zortuk, Rhuulum!” he called out, and the two demons practically popped out of the shadows, “I have a task of great urgency. A device most precious to me must be found. It shall be difficult! I do not kid you of this, as it has been lost for eons within the unseen confined of this lab! Help me find my toaster, and we shall have a feast the likes of which you have never seen!”
The whole search took about five minutes.
“Well where the hell was it?” Jobolg questioned his imp in shock.
“It was under the cushions of your ‘Lazy Orc’ recliner. Along with about seven gold pieces worth of copper and silver, as well as a chipmunk,” Zortuk stated, placing the curious device on a nearby table. The toaster looked as though it could be a weapon the way it was designed. It was a black cubical shape, roaring flames painted onto the sides licking up its surface. A lever protruded from one of these sides. The two slots at the top of the toast-maker had an almost eerie red glow emanating from within them, and a single speck of green light blinked upon its side.
“A.. chipmu.. oh, right. That experiment was a colossal failure and we shall never speak of it. Very well, acquire the sliced bread from the sliced bread machine in the storage compartment behind you.”
“You have pre-sliced bread?”
“Indeed! It’s the best thing since itself, you know!”
“Best thing since sliced bread? You know, that might catch on, boss.”
“Everything I create catches on eventually. You should know that by now!”
The bread was fetched in short order, and within a small period of about.. oh, say.. two minutes? the orc was standing before his toaster. Within each hand, he held a slice of bread dramatically over his head as lightning (assumedly from the electric generator positioned precariously on the ceiling) struck the ground behind him, shooting sparks into the air.
“LET THERE BE TOAST!” Jobolg yelled out commandingly, hands plunging downwards, thrusting a slice of bread into each of the slots on the top of the infernal device. Slowly, cautiously, the engineer pushed down that sinister lever, and the bread descended slowly into the depths of the vaguely glowing darkness. This task complete, Jobolg threw his head back and his arms into the air, fingers clutching at some invisible fabric, and laughed maniacally. “Mwahaah.. Bwahahahaha! HAH HA HA HA HAAA!!”
And then they waited for about a minute.
DING! The bread, now toast, popped up from each slot.
“It lives, Rhuulum. It LIVES, Zortuk! That which we have quested for so long-”
“What? You mean this morning?”
“Shut up, Zortuk, I’m being dramatic. Ahem.. That which we have quested for so long is finally within our grasp! Can you feel it? You could almost reach out and touch the- ZORTUK! Hands off!” Jobolg ordered, delivering a powerful punt to the mischievous, toast-thieving imp, sending it flying across the lab. The imp landed close to the freezer, much to his displeasure. With a laugh and then a shrug, Jobolg removed a slice of that toasty delight and held it beneath his nostrils. He inhaled its intoxicating scent, before opening his maw and clamping down. The bite of bread was tossed around his mouth, crushed beneath efficient orc teeth and it tasted every bit like toast. But something was missing.. it needed something it didn’t have... It didn’t have... “BUTTER! Get me some butter, Zortuk! Out of the freezer.”
“D-d-d-do I have to?”
“Yes. Unless you want to be locked IN the freezer.”
“Fine!” Zortuk conceded in agitation, opening up the chilly contraption and glancing around inside. After a moment he extracted a container of something yellow which appeared to be butter, and after another threat from Jobolg, hurried it over as quickly as he could.
“Excellent!” The gray orc seemed pleased as he glanced at the butter. Quickly, he removed a knife from his belt, twirling it dangerously around his fingers and swiftly stabbing it into the golden dairy product. A scoop removed, he applied it carefully to his bread using swift but accurate deliberate strokes. When this was done, he holstered his knife and took another bite. “This is delicious butter!”
“It’s margarine.”
“Margarine? No way!”
“Yep, it’s true.”
“I can’t believe it’s not butter!” Jobolg stated in disbelief, taking another bite. “It’s good though.”
“Can I have a piec-“
“No. You can’t. Rhuulum, would you like the other piece?” In response the felbeast nodded its head. The other piece was tossed, and it was consumed in a single bite, much to Zortuk’s displeasure and Jobolg’s amusement.
Within a few minutes, Jobolg’s toast was down to one last bite. Zortuk stared at it hungrily, drool dropping off his chin with a steady patter as it hit the floor. He stared as the orc tossed the piece into the air, opened his mouth, and caught it within, and he stared as it formed a lump sliding down Jobolg’s throat.
“You’re a bastard, Jobolg,” Zortuk claimed.
Jobolg simply laughed, and went about his day, happy from the consumption of his toast.
The day had been hectic since the very moment Jobolg’s eyes opened, and when he slung his legs out of bed and set off a loaded gun, he knew it was going to be a bad day. Now, the one thing he desired which might set his day back on the right track, a piece of toast, had been deprived him. As he wandered about his lab, stomach roaring from the lack of crunchy carbohydrate goodness, he found himself only able to tinker half-heartedly with his gadgets. After all, what good were all these gadgets if he couldn’t get a single piece of... toast... and...
“Wait.. I HAVE A TOASTER!!!” the gray orc cried out, voice amplified twice – once by the mass of empty space in his lab, and again by the voice amplification device whose receivers were all over (he dubbed this device a loudspeaker) – so that everyone within several miles probably could have heard him clearly. “Zortuk, Rhuulum!” he called out, and the two demons practically popped out of the shadows, “I have a task of great urgency. A device most precious to me must be found. It shall be difficult! I do not kid you of this, as it has been lost for eons within the unseen confined of this lab! Help me find my toaster, and we shall have a feast the likes of which you have never seen!”
The whole search took about five minutes.
“Well where the hell was it?” Jobolg questioned his imp in shock.
“It was under the cushions of your ‘Lazy Orc’ recliner. Along with about seven gold pieces worth of copper and silver, as well as a chipmunk,” Zortuk stated, placing the curious device on a nearby table. The toaster looked as though it could be a weapon the way it was designed. It was a black cubical shape, roaring flames painted onto the sides licking up its surface. A lever protruded from one of these sides. The two slots at the top of the toast-maker had an almost eerie red glow emanating from within them, and a single speck of green light blinked upon its side.
“A.. chipmu.. oh, right. That experiment was a colossal failure and we shall never speak of it. Very well, acquire the sliced bread from the sliced bread machine in the storage compartment behind you.”
“You have pre-sliced bread?”
“Indeed! It’s the best thing since itself, you know!”
“Best thing since sliced bread? You know, that might catch on, boss.”
“Everything I create catches on eventually. You should know that by now!”
The bread was fetched in short order, and within a small period of about.. oh, say.. two minutes? the orc was standing before his toaster. Within each hand, he held a slice of bread dramatically over his head as lightning (assumedly from the electric generator positioned precariously on the ceiling) struck the ground behind him, shooting sparks into the air.
“LET THERE BE TOAST!” Jobolg yelled out commandingly, hands plunging downwards, thrusting a slice of bread into each of the slots on the top of the infernal device. Slowly, cautiously, the engineer pushed down that sinister lever, and the bread descended slowly into the depths of the vaguely glowing darkness. This task complete, Jobolg threw his head back and his arms into the air, fingers clutching at some invisible fabric, and laughed maniacally. “Mwahaah.. Bwahahahaha! HAH HA HA HA HAAA!!”
And then they waited for about a minute.
DING! The bread, now toast, popped up from each slot.
“It lives, Rhuulum. It LIVES, Zortuk! That which we have quested for so long-”
“What? You mean this morning?”
“Shut up, Zortuk, I’m being dramatic. Ahem.. That which we have quested for so long is finally within our grasp! Can you feel it? You could almost reach out and touch the- ZORTUK! Hands off!” Jobolg ordered, delivering a powerful punt to the mischievous, toast-thieving imp, sending it flying across the lab. The imp landed close to the freezer, much to his displeasure. With a laugh and then a shrug, Jobolg removed a slice of that toasty delight and held it beneath his nostrils. He inhaled its intoxicating scent, before opening his maw and clamping down. The bite of bread was tossed around his mouth, crushed beneath efficient orc teeth and it tasted every bit like toast. But something was missing.. it needed something it didn’t have... It didn’t have... “BUTTER! Get me some butter, Zortuk! Out of the freezer.”
“D-d-d-do I have to?”
“Yes. Unless you want to be locked IN the freezer.”
“Fine!” Zortuk conceded in agitation, opening up the chilly contraption and glancing around inside. After a moment he extracted a container of something yellow which appeared to be butter, and after another threat from Jobolg, hurried it over as quickly as he could.
“Excellent!” The gray orc seemed pleased as he glanced at the butter. Quickly, he removed a knife from his belt, twirling it dangerously around his fingers and swiftly stabbing it into the golden dairy product. A scoop removed, he applied it carefully to his bread using swift but accurate deliberate strokes. When this was done, he holstered his knife and took another bite. “This is delicious butter!”
“It’s margarine.”
“Margarine? No way!”
“Yep, it’s true.”
“I can’t believe it’s not butter!” Jobolg stated in disbelief, taking another bite. “It’s good though.”
“Can I have a piec-“
“No. You can’t. Rhuulum, would you like the other piece?” In response the felbeast nodded its head. The other piece was tossed, and it was consumed in a single bite, much to Zortuk’s displeasure and Jobolg’s amusement.
Within a few minutes, Jobolg’s toast was down to one last bite. Zortuk stared at it hungrily, drool dropping off his chin with a steady patter as it hit the floor. He stared as the orc tossed the piece into the air, opened his mouth, and caught it within, and he stared as it formed a lump sliding down Jobolg’s throat.
“You’re a bastard, Jobolg,” Zortuk claimed.
Jobolg simply laughed, and went about his day, happy from the consumption of his toast.