Fhenrir
01-09-2009, 11:08 AM
(( Sequel to the popular beginning here (http://wow-tng.org/showthread.php?t=7693). Presumably this would take place shortly after the first two, while all of these characters would still get along/be alive. Feedback welcome! ))
With a gentle thump, the orc sat down in his plush chair. He adjusted his robe casually and retrieved a decently sized backpack. From it, he pulled out a stack of hardcover books and set them down before spreading them across the table casually. He also removed an elegant screen with an "artistic rendition" of a female orc laying on a blanket.
"Ah, I love the smell of roleplay in the morning. It's better than toast." Jobolg ruffled his beard and eyed the participants at the table. Seated were two tauren, a Forsaken, two elves, and two trolls. "... Though I do love toast."
Fhenrir looked bemusedly at Jobolg. "So we're here to play more of your stupid game?"
"That's right, unwitting participant. Except there's a new addition of the books out now, so everyone is gonna have to start from scratch. You wanna know who released the new addition? Me! Jobolg, Super Genius. I call it the fourth edition, because it only took one fourth of my genius to completely streamline the game for all players-" Jobolg gestured to Fhenrir, then the other tauren, Kaliera "-ugly and beautiful alike."
Zuffid lifted one hand to rub at his black eye before he crossed his arms. "Why would I want to take part in this again? Last time I got a black eye."
Fhenrir simply grinned. "I killed your stupid bitch too."
Kaliera furrowed her brow and turned to Fhenrir, delivering a light jab to the shoulder. "Manners, Fhen."
Fhenrir slumped and nodded. One of the trolls, Tetsuju, chuckled and made a whip motion with his hand. "Wha-psh!"
"Aaaaanyway. Let's get started, shall we? Before chompers over there eats all of my snacks." Jobolg gestured to the undead, who simply glanced up. His mouth and hands were completely covered in orange cheese, one hand still halfway inside of a bag. His left eye twitched psychotically.
Shortly afterward, the entire group of players had finished filling in their character sheets. "All right, let's hear what everyone is playing. Ladies first. Maybe our new player would like to start?"
"That depends. Did you bring the rum?"
Jobolg quirked his brow, eyeing the troll carefully. "I did say I'd get you a drink, didn't I... all right, here." Jobolg flipped her a gold coin. "Go nab some booze from the bar down the dock and come back. We'll talk about your character then, and maybe have some fun after the game too."
She nodded, taking the coin and slipping out the door. "I'll be back, really."
"Okay then. Continuing in the tradition of ladies first." Jobolg motioned to Zuffid. "If you will?"
"I'm a man."
"Oh! Sorry. Kali?"
Kaliera smiled and nodded, holding up her character sheet to read from it. "I'd like to try playing a tauren farseer. She'll be specializing in restoration. I based her off my older sister."
"Fantastic. Let's hear from another woman." Jobolg gestured to one of the elves. "Go on."
"I'm still a man."
"Oops! Maybe you should grow a goatee or something man, just saying..." Jobolg coughed and glanced to the other elf. "You're a woman, right?"
Villayna rubbed her head, looking down at her character sheet. "I... suppose I'll be what I was last time. I didn't really get a chance to use it before Fhen punched out Zuffid."
Fhenrir and Zuffid exchanged glares at each other, and Zuffid stuck his tongue out.
"Right, let's keep going. How about you?" Jobolg looked at Tetsuju.
"Th' hell do Ah care what Ah'm playin'? Pick somethin' for meh, Ah'ma go find da chick wit' th' rum." Tetsuju whipped something at the ground and disappeared in a puff of smoke. The undead scoffed on the orange snacks he was inhaling a moment prior and his eyed darted around the room.
"... Kay then."
Zuffid cleared his throat. "I'll go next. I'd like to play Kwillen Clearheart, the elven rogue. He was raised in a tough part of town, taking to the streets at a young age after being abandoned by his parents. He worked for any slummy trader or contractor he could find, and ended up working a lot of shifty thievery and assassination jobs. The recent poisoning of his lover has put things into perspective for him and he's attempting to bring good and justice back to his name by any means necessary. What he doesn't know is that his long lost brother had a hand in his lover's death. This leaves plenty of room for dramatic story-telling and character growth. His hair is also lavender, and his eyes crimson."
The room was silent for a moment. Zuffid beamed proudly at his story, and Fhenrir slapped his palm on the table to wake Jobolg from his slumber, who snorted once and readjusted his robe. "Fantastic story, really! Fhen, what are you playing?"
"I'd like to play-"
"AHHHHHHH!!"
Everyone went silent as Fhen was cut off, all eyes drawn to the rogue, who'd interrupted quite loudly. His head snapped around a few times before his eyes locked straight on Zuffid, and he whipped the half empty back of cheesy snacks at him surprisingly fast. The bag exploded on him, covering him in bits of orange cheese. "You're cheesy, ELF! I want to eat your MOTHER!"
The undead bounced into the center of the room and landed on the table, sending the books on it scattering. "AND YOU!" He pointed directly at Kaliera. "MELLOW THE FUCK OUT, COW!" Without waiting for a response he climbed onto Fhenrir and lept off of his shoulders, scampering through the door and bounding away as he drew his knives.
Jobolg scratched his head. "How does that guy keep getting in here?"
---
Jobolg adjusted his folding screen between himself and the remaining players. "Right, let's get started. You find yourselves in a lost cavern, surrounded by Emperor von Bolg's minions. They have electric harpoon guns and demon hounds that drool lava. Doom awaits at every turn. What do you do?"
Zuffid looked annoyed and clasped his hand to his right shoulder. "Why aren't we getting into the backstory here? Who is Emperor von Bolg? Why are we fighting against him and his minions? Did we try to organize a truce?"
Fhenrir just rolled his eyes and looked over at Zuffid. "Will you shut up? We're actually doing something cool for once."
Kaliera smiled and picked up her dice. "I'd like to cast Natural Guardian on the party and then hurl a lightning bolt at the nearest minion's gun to try and fry it."
"Good move, Kali! The gun explodes and shrapnel pierces the hearts of three nearby minions, but hits Fhen's character in the eye."
"Uh... don't I have to roll fir-?"
Fhenrir cut them both off. "The hell did it hit my eye for?! Don't I get to roll to dodge?"
"Oh, of course. Roll away Fhen."
Fhenrir rolled his dice, and before they finished moving Jobolg spoke again. "Yeah, you failed your roll. Now shrapnel hits both your eyes. You're blinded forever."
Zuffid picked up his dice, shaking them in his hand as he spoke. "Clearheart would speak a prayer for his comrade's lost vision, then attempt to throw a shuriken at one of the other guns, having noted their weakness from Kaliera's earlier success." He then dropped his dice to the table.
Jobolg looked them over before cringing and looking back up to Zuffid. "Sorry to say that your roll failed. Your shuriken bounces off of the gun and pegs her character-" Jobolg gestured to Villayna "-right in the heart. She falls over, quickly losing blood."
Villayna pouted. "Is she dead? I didn't even get to go yet..."
Kaliera frowned. "I want to try and cast a healing spell on her."
Jobolg quickly clasped his hands to the edge of the table and rose from his seat dramatically. "As this happens, an explosion comes from the nearby wall! Emperor von Bolg himself emerges from the opening and flawlessly pulls a pistol from his belt, using it in the blink of an eye to shoot down every one of the attacking minions. He also shoots Zuffid's character in the face."
"HEY!"
"He comments on how he had been replaced some time ago by an evil doppelganger, and wishes to join the adventurers' party. He also deeply regrets mistaking Zuffid's characters for one of the minions, but could tell that he had injured your female friend with a shuriken."
"Can he do anything about my character's eyes?"
"No, Fhen. He suddenly expresses a distaste for blind beggars trying to mooch off of his power and aptitude, and shoots Fhenrir in the face. He then turns to Kaliera's character and offers to-"
Fhenrir cut him off. "What the hell? I didn't even do anything."
Jobolg rolled his eyes. "Well that's why you're dead Fhen. You didn't roll to try and defend yourself."
"Roll this." Fhenrir leaned onto the table and sent his fist flying forward at Jobolg, but Jobolg was encased in a glowing bright bubble that deflected Fhenrir's hand. Kaliera gasped and pulled Fhenrir away, furrowing her brow at his violence.
"That's not very polite, Fhen! In front of Kali, too. Unfortunately for you, this shield is nigh indestructible. You'd likely have to strike it over nine thousand times to even have a chance of breaking it. Shall we finish our game now?"
"No, I'm sick of your stupid game! I don't know why I keep coming back!"
Zuffid rolled his eyes. "Cry more, eesh."
Fhenrir turned and snarled at Zuffid. "Shut up, you!" He looked back to Jobolg and continued. "Your constant modifying of the rules and conditions for play is stupid, and you're always out to screw me over no matter what class I'm playing! You're worse than being stuck in a damn blizzard!"
Villayna watched with eyes wide on Fhenrir. He was pretty hot when he's angry.
Jobolg simply chuckled. "Fhen, if the game bothers you that much, you can just quit."
Fhenrir simply stared at Jobolg, and everyone at the table turned their eyes to Fhenrir. After a long moment of gnashing his teeth, Fhenrir sighed and slumped back down into his seat.
"Whatever. Let's keep playing... maybe it'll get better next edition."
Zuffid smirked. "I thought you were gonna quit?"
"I can quit playing this damn game any time I want."
Villayna shrugged at Fhenrir lazily. "Why don't you, then?"
Fhenrir looked away.
Jobolg took his seat again and the shield around him dropped. He drummed his fingers together, a sly smirk spreading across his features. "That's right. You'll play the game and like it, as long as I keep it going..."
Everyone turned a curious expression to Jobolg, whose smirk turned to a wide grin. "I'm thinking about introducing reputations to be earned with the NPCs, or non-player characters."
All four players looked confused, and Jobolg looked to Kaliera with a sinister expression.
"Kali, how would you like to grind a bit of rep with Emperor von Bolg?"
With a gentle thump, the orc sat down in his plush chair. He adjusted his robe casually and retrieved a decently sized backpack. From it, he pulled out a stack of hardcover books and set them down before spreading them across the table casually. He also removed an elegant screen with an "artistic rendition" of a female orc laying on a blanket.
"Ah, I love the smell of roleplay in the morning. It's better than toast." Jobolg ruffled his beard and eyed the participants at the table. Seated were two tauren, a Forsaken, two elves, and two trolls. "... Though I do love toast."
Fhenrir looked bemusedly at Jobolg. "So we're here to play more of your stupid game?"
"That's right, unwitting participant. Except there's a new addition of the books out now, so everyone is gonna have to start from scratch. You wanna know who released the new addition? Me! Jobolg, Super Genius. I call it the fourth edition, because it only took one fourth of my genius to completely streamline the game for all players-" Jobolg gestured to Fhenrir, then the other tauren, Kaliera "-ugly and beautiful alike."
Zuffid lifted one hand to rub at his black eye before he crossed his arms. "Why would I want to take part in this again? Last time I got a black eye."
Fhenrir simply grinned. "I killed your stupid bitch too."
Kaliera furrowed her brow and turned to Fhenrir, delivering a light jab to the shoulder. "Manners, Fhen."
Fhenrir slumped and nodded. One of the trolls, Tetsuju, chuckled and made a whip motion with his hand. "Wha-psh!"
"Aaaaanyway. Let's get started, shall we? Before chompers over there eats all of my snacks." Jobolg gestured to the undead, who simply glanced up. His mouth and hands were completely covered in orange cheese, one hand still halfway inside of a bag. His left eye twitched psychotically.
Shortly afterward, the entire group of players had finished filling in their character sheets. "All right, let's hear what everyone is playing. Ladies first. Maybe our new player would like to start?"
"That depends. Did you bring the rum?"
Jobolg quirked his brow, eyeing the troll carefully. "I did say I'd get you a drink, didn't I... all right, here." Jobolg flipped her a gold coin. "Go nab some booze from the bar down the dock and come back. We'll talk about your character then, and maybe have some fun after the game too."
She nodded, taking the coin and slipping out the door. "I'll be back, really."
"Okay then. Continuing in the tradition of ladies first." Jobolg motioned to Zuffid. "If you will?"
"I'm a man."
"Oh! Sorry. Kali?"
Kaliera smiled and nodded, holding up her character sheet to read from it. "I'd like to try playing a tauren farseer. She'll be specializing in restoration. I based her off my older sister."
"Fantastic. Let's hear from another woman." Jobolg gestured to one of the elves. "Go on."
"I'm still a man."
"Oops! Maybe you should grow a goatee or something man, just saying..." Jobolg coughed and glanced to the other elf. "You're a woman, right?"
Villayna rubbed her head, looking down at her character sheet. "I... suppose I'll be what I was last time. I didn't really get a chance to use it before Fhen punched out Zuffid."
Fhenrir and Zuffid exchanged glares at each other, and Zuffid stuck his tongue out.
"Right, let's keep going. How about you?" Jobolg looked at Tetsuju.
"Th' hell do Ah care what Ah'm playin'? Pick somethin' for meh, Ah'ma go find da chick wit' th' rum." Tetsuju whipped something at the ground and disappeared in a puff of smoke. The undead scoffed on the orange snacks he was inhaling a moment prior and his eyed darted around the room.
"... Kay then."
Zuffid cleared his throat. "I'll go next. I'd like to play Kwillen Clearheart, the elven rogue. He was raised in a tough part of town, taking to the streets at a young age after being abandoned by his parents. He worked for any slummy trader or contractor he could find, and ended up working a lot of shifty thievery and assassination jobs. The recent poisoning of his lover has put things into perspective for him and he's attempting to bring good and justice back to his name by any means necessary. What he doesn't know is that his long lost brother had a hand in his lover's death. This leaves plenty of room for dramatic story-telling and character growth. His hair is also lavender, and his eyes crimson."
The room was silent for a moment. Zuffid beamed proudly at his story, and Fhenrir slapped his palm on the table to wake Jobolg from his slumber, who snorted once and readjusted his robe. "Fantastic story, really! Fhen, what are you playing?"
"I'd like to play-"
"AHHHHHHH!!"
Everyone went silent as Fhen was cut off, all eyes drawn to the rogue, who'd interrupted quite loudly. His head snapped around a few times before his eyes locked straight on Zuffid, and he whipped the half empty back of cheesy snacks at him surprisingly fast. The bag exploded on him, covering him in bits of orange cheese. "You're cheesy, ELF! I want to eat your MOTHER!"
The undead bounced into the center of the room and landed on the table, sending the books on it scattering. "AND YOU!" He pointed directly at Kaliera. "MELLOW THE FUCK OUT, COW!" Without waiting for a response he climbed onto Fhenrir and lept off of his shoulders, scampering through the door and bounding away as he drew his knives.
Jobolg scratched his head. "How does that guy keep getting in here?"
---
Jobolg adjusted his folding screen between himself and the remaining players. "Right, let's get started. You find yourselves in a lost cavern, surrounded by Emperor von Bolg's minions. They have electric harpoon guns and demon hounds that drool lava. Doom awaits at every turn. What do you do?"
Zuffid looked annoyed and clasped his hand to his right shoulder. "Why aren't we getting into the backstory here? Who is Emperor von Bolg? Why are we fighting against him and his minions? Did we try to organize a truce?"
Fhenrir just rolled his eyes and looked over at Zuffid. "Will you shut up? We're actually doing something cool for once."
Kaliera smiled and picked up her dice. "I'd like to cast Natural Guardian on the party and then hurl a lightning bolt at the nearest minion's gun to try and fry it."
"Good move, Kali! The gun explodes and shrapnel pierces the hearts of three nearby minions, but hits Fhen's character in the eye."
"Uh... don't I have to roll fir-?"
Fhenrir cut them both off. "The hell did it hit my eye for?! Don't I get to roll to dodge?"
"Oh, of course. Roll away Fhen."
Fhenrir rolled his dice, and before they finished moving Jobolg spoke again. "Yeah, you failed your roll. Now shrapnel hits both your eyes. You're blinded forever."
Zuffid picked up his dice, shaking them in his hand as he spoke. "Clearheart would speak a prayer for his comrade's lost vision, then attempt to throw a shuriken at one of the other guns, having noted their weakness from Kaliera's earlier success." He then dropped his dice to the table.
Jobolg looked them over before cringing and looking back up to Zuffid. "Sorry to say that your roll failed. Your shuriken bounces off of the gun and pegs her character-" Jobolg gestured to Villayna "-right in the heart. She falls over, quickly losing blood."
Villayna pouted. "Is she dead? I didn't even get to go yet..."
Kaliera frowned. "I want to try and cast a healing spell on her."
Jobolg quickly clasped his hands to the edge of the table and rose from his seat dramatically. "As this happens, an explosion comes from the nearby wall! Emperor von Bolg himself emerges from the opening and flawlessly pulls a pistol from his belt, using it in the blink of an eye to shoot down every one of the attacking minions. He also shoots Zuffid's character in the face."
"HEY!"
"He comments on how he had been replaced some time ago by an evil doppelganger, and wishes to join the adventurers' party. He also deeply regrets mistaking Zuffid's characters for one of the minions, but could tell that he had injured your female friend with a shuriken."
"Can he do anything about my character's eyes?"
"No, Fhen. He suddenly expresses a distaste for blind beggars trying to mooch off of his power and aptitude, and shoots Fhenrir in the face. He then turns to Kaliera's character and offers to-"
Fhenrir cut him off. "What the hell? I didn't even do anything."
Jobolg rolled his eyes. "Well that's why you're dead Fhen. You didn't roll to try and defend yourself."
"Roll this." Fhenrir leaned onto the table and sent his fist flying forward at Jobolg, but Jobolg was encased in a glowing bright bubble that deflected Fhenrir's hand. Kaliera gasped and pulled Fhenrir away, furrowing her brow at his violence.
"That's not very polite, Fhen! In front of Kali, too. Unfortunately for you, this shield is nigh indestructible. You'd likely have to strike it over nine thousand times to even have a chance of breaking it. Shall we finish our game now?"
"No, I'm sick of your stupid game! I don't know why I keep coming back!"
Zuffid rolled his eyes. "Cry more, eesh."
Fhenrir turned and snarled at Zuffid. "Shut up, you!" He looked back to Jobolg and continued. "Your constant modifying of the rules and conditions for play is stupid, and you're always out to screw me over no matter what class I'm playing! You're worse than being stuck in a damn blizzard!"
Villayna watched with eyes wide on Fhenrir. He was pretty hot when he's angry.
Jobolg simply chuckled. "Fhen, if the game bothers you that much, you can just quit."
Fhenrir simply stared at Jobolg, and everyone at the table turned their eyes to Fhenrir. After a long moment of gnashing his teeth, Fhenrir sighed and slumped back down into his seat.
"Whatever. Let's keep playing... maybe it'll get better next edition."
Zuffid smirked. "I thought you were gonna quit?"
"I can quit playing this damn game any time I want."
Villayna shrugged at Fhenrir lazily. "Why don't you, then?"
Fhenrir looked away.
Jobolg took his seat again and the shield around him dropped. He drummed his fingers together, a sly smirk spreading across his features. "That's right. You'll play the game and like it, as long as I keep it going..."
Everyone turned a curious expression to Jobolg, whose smirk turned to a wide grin. "I'm thinking about introducing reputations to be earned with the NPCs, or non-player characters."
All four players looked confused, and Jobolg looked to Kaliera with a sinister expression.
"Kali, how would you like to grind a bit of rep with Emperor von Bolg?"