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Huffy
08-01-2006, 03:57 PM
Being a harden veteran of over 100 AV losses, I have complied a guide for any hapless nOOb that may find himself in the AV:

1) Ignore any chat. They don’t know what they are talking about anyway!
2) At the start, don’t follow the big group headed south, they’ll all be dead shortly anyway, instead follow the other 3 or 4 who have ambled over the bridge and are milling around in the Alliance main area.
3) Check and see how many kills you’ve registered.
4) Check out General Stormpike. Hahahah, he looks funny.
5) Go explore the Mine behind the Stormpike Graveyard.
6) After you rez because the trolls in the mine killed you, wander down to where the fighting is going on, usually near or just below the SP GY by this time
7) Spam a few random emotes like “Lets Charge!”
8) Check and see how many kills you’ve registered.
9) Attack the Orc warrior w/full Epics who’s low on health and fighting the 6 Alliance Nelf Hunters.
10) After you’ve rez’d, run back to the fighting.
11) Check and see how many kills you’ve registered.
12) Marvel at the flying bat thing.
13) Weeeeee, fly through the air backwards.
14) Marvel at the huge Ice Lord coming up the road, escorted by 20 Hordies w/full Epics.
15) S**t, run from the 10 L60’s that you’ve suddenly become aware that are attacking you.
16) After you rez in the Cave, run and jump off the cliff into the SP GY
17) Charge the Ice Lord and run around in circles, dodging the 30 other Horde there.
18) Hack at the Ice Lord a few times and wonder why his health is still at 100%
19) After he kills you in one hit, and you rez in the cave, run to the cliff overlooking the SP GY. Wave at the 10 L60s guarding it.
20) Ah yes, now we’re getting somewhere, the road south is open! Ride south to the Stonehearh Graveyard, attack the guards with the others who’ve showed up to help.
21) After you have rez’d again, ride back to the Stonehearth Graveyard. The others have managed to whittle down the guards and one has even turned the GY neutral.
22) Mount and ride to the Frostwolf GY with the other 3. Charge up and attack the guards and the 1 High Warlord w/full Epics there.
23) After you’ve rez’d, in the cave, ride south like mad. Meet the few others who have gathered at Stonehearth, and eye the 20 Horde there, because they took it back while you had rode to Frostwolf earlier.
24) Check and see how many kills you’ve registered.
25) Crap, you forgot to turn in those armor scraps! Ignore the Gnome Mage fighting the UD Rogue and Tauren Shammy nearby, and dash off! Huzzah!
26) Ride on through the 30 High Warlords w/full Epics on the bridge.
27) After you’ve rez’d, at the Aid Station, turn in the scraps.
28) Following someone else, ride the back way out. Hahahaha, look at those Harpies.
29) After you’ve rez’d at the Aid Station, avoid the 30 Horde and the Ice Lord attacking it and ride out the back way, avoiding the Harpies this time.
30) Ride like a sumbeeoch south. Meet the other 10 or so Alliance that are bragging about “getting some honor before the General buys the farm.” Size up the 30 High Warlords w/full Epics guarding the Iceblood Graveyard. Hahah, see the troll looking at you! Wave at him and /dance.
31) While you’re waiting to rez in the cave, check and see how many kills you’ve registered.
32) Ooops, The your General’s dead. That was a fast 35 minutes. Quick! Re-Q.

DISCLAIMER: Yes this is a joke, I intend in no way to dishonor, discredit, dishevel or dismember anyone’s fragile ego. Don’t flame me because your humor is on par with a chunk of Georgia asphalt in July.

Leyujin
08-01-2006, 04:02 PM
These aren't the general boards ;P

Edit: Meaning you shouldn't be expecting flames. Except from Abric.

Daala
08-01-2006, 04:17 PM
Hehehe, this is really funny.

On a side note, I had my quickest AV win yesterday, clocking at about 38 minutes.

Grolish
08-02-2006, 02:07 PM
Good stuff Huffy!

Vias
08-02-2006, 02:09 PM
That says it :D

Fhenrir
08-02-2006, 02:29 PM
Almost makes me want to requeue.


Almost.

Cedes
08-02-2006, 03:43 PM
Hehehe, this is really funny.

On a side note, I had my quickest AV win yesterday, clocking at about 38 minutes.

is that the AV where 15min into the AV game horde were crossing teh bridge and caping stormpike? :(


btw, my record AV win is 27min. Ive heard that First legion has 40 raided the Relief hut and downed the general in 10min though...

Jobolg
08-02-2006, 07:00 PM
9) Attack the Orc warrior w/full Epics who’s low on health and fighting the 6 Alliance Nelf Hunters.
10) After you’ve rez’d, run back to the fighting.

Those two right there were the most hilarious freakin' steps! This is great man, definitely made me laugh!

On the matter of AV, Huffy, I do believe I saw you in there! You were trying to shoot at me of all things! And after I had generously allowed you the temporary companionship of my Felhunter and kindly loaned you a Corruption and Curse of Agony too! The nerve of some people...

My record for a win is 34 minutes and some odd seconds.

My record for a loss is around the same thing. 37 minutes.

Alucian
08-03-2006, 04:21 AM
Honestly, after witnessing my first AVs on this server...

...I wish the horde would just zerg the general. Taking everything on the way is insult to injury. :T

Huffy
08-03-2006, 08:14 AM
Yeah, I occasionally see some of the Gazette people, I try to throw in a quick wave before I die. Usually though, I’m too busy to catch names. I could write volumes on how stupid the Alliance is in AV, but the people that care, already know, and the people that are retards, don’t read these forums.

Oh yeah, the fastest loss I’ve seen was just less than 30 minutes.

Phia
08-03-2006, 08:48 AM
I always run into Huffy at the Stormpike Graveyard (as per his "Location" denotes). He's one of the few people on the Alliance side that actually stands right on the flag like he's supposed to, which make my job as flag stealer that much harder. Most of the time, I'm forced to snatch the mine or the Dun Baldar North tower out of spite.

Kaliera
08-03-2006, 09:30 AM
More alliance need to follow this extremely well-written guide! Akora needs her revered ammo pouch, dangit!

Huffy
08-03-2006, 09:40 AM
More alliance need to follow this extremely well-written guide! Akora needs her revered ammo pouch, dangit!

Good luck! My revered is at 999/1000, but I can't use any thing that the Stormpike people sell, because I'm not 60 yet. Must... go.... level!

Abric
08-03-2006, 11:45 PM
You'd be surprised at how offended some folk get over this stuff... and it's mostly because it's true about them!

It's a little disappointing to see one side not enjoying it as much as the other - but don't think it's all tea and cake over here. The Alterac Valley has got *a lot* more enjoyable lately... but that's only because the real assholes have stopped playing.

Man... I hate hate hate people who don't join the group, but feel the need to form some type of strategy in general. If you aren't going to be in the group - don't tell the group what to do. You are worthless, and selfish - and your mother dresses you funny.

...

And you Alliance should always go for the Icewing Tower. It seems that nobody likes to get that thing back. There's some sort of invisible forcefield that repells the semi-intelligent Horde.

"Peasants, we are going to lose the bunker... it is a vital portion of defense."

"... two rogues are defending the bunker. I will need aid."

"... the bunker is still under Alliance control, it will soon fall. There are only four Alliance inside - and they are mere children."

"... the bunker has fallen. Why are you fighting in the Field of Strife?"

AbricOOC

P.S. Or is it Iceblood? Damn... I forgot the name of my own damn tower/graveyard combo.