A Very Sophisticated Letter To The Fabled Order.

[Bir]

Bir sat in the tavern on Murder Row, tapping his red crayon to his chin. He had spent a few silvers on a 'Thalassian/Common Dictionary'. The book sat on his knee, bouncing around as little thoughts whirrled in his head.

"I don't need this thing! Hell no. I remember!"


---

It was a single page, torn from a book. There was already writing on both sides, in thalassian. However, it was folded and waxed shut as if it were a letter. The dark red wax had no seal, rather, a thumb print was pressed where there should have been one. Whoever opened it might have been thinking the very words, what the hell?

WINE-EE CR-AAI BAY-BEES!!!

N-OXETRR~~~~The last stroke of the r squiggled off, suggesting whoever wrote this thing was drunk, a child, or just downright ignorant.
~Bir Romine
P.S. F-ITE????

And that was all that was on the page.

[Visant]

((I laughed. :) ))

[Bir]

(( Bir will be so sad if he doesn't get a letter back. I'm anxiously waiting. ))

[Skaadvik]

*scratches his head as he reads the "letter," and pens the following in what little Thalassian he knows:*

Bir Romine,

I'm not even sure what this letter is supposed to mean, but I'd be happy to meet you somewhere and we can see who does the crying. Light have mercy on your confused soul.

Skaadvik the Reborn,

Avatar of the Fabled Order

[Bir]

A warlock, wearing dark robes, a dark mantle, dark cloak, hell, everything on him was dark. Everything but his expression, which was a wide cheerful smile. He was preforming a hourly ritual. A ritual called, 'waiting for the mailman'. Bir bounced up and down in front of the mailbox, harassing every postman who happened to walk by it. His imp, Lazuri, likewise did, without the talking. The tiny demon mirrored Bir's every move. As expected, a poor bewildered man with a large sack of letters was ever so slowly approaching.

"Is there anything for me yet? Anything at all? From anyone?"

"Yes, Mister Romine.. Quite a few things.. You're a popular young man."

"I wouldn't say thaaat," the short elf replied with outstretched arms. Lazuri extended his arms too.

The postman set his large bundle on the ground in front of him and gently sorted through the letters. After a moment or two, he handed Bir four letters. The first was torn open within seconds. Lazuri also pretended to open a letter.

"Hey Bir, how's dinner tomorrow sound," Bir read outloud absent mindedly, "afterwards we can go over to my place a-- This isn't what I was waiting for.." Embarrassment gripped the elf as he crumpled the letter up and burnt it in his palm. Lazuri burnt away his pretend letter too. Then Bir opened the second letter. Twin talasite eyes scanned the words, yes, this was it. 'Light have mercy on your confused soul.'

"Well then, Lazuri. I think we'd better write them back! In Thalassian this time, yeah? Waait, we'd better ask Arestor what he thinks first."

Lazuri nodded in unison with its master.

[Bir]

For a time, Bir sat still and stared at the parchment before him. As always, he had his red crayon between his fingers. Cattora, his succubus, looked over his shoulder then quickly looked away. She knew better than to bother him while he was in a very complicated thought process. Things worked like this. When it was sort of complicated, he tapped his chin. When it was very complicated, he drummed his fingers. When it was too complicated to do anything else, he did nothing and he was doing absolutely nothing.

Finally, Bir broke the silence, "I can't write angry, I'm not mad. I had a pretty good day today."

Cattora licked her fangs slowly before purring, "May I do the honors?"

"What honors?"

The demoness bent forward and flicked the man between the eyes. Bir caught the pink hand in both of his, almost sinking his palms into sharpened nails. Poor thing was a little bit too slow to catch the other hand. The flicking, poking, prodding and teasing continued for a time until Bir started to honestly glare.

"Galtak ered'nash, kamil romathis," giggled Cattora. She knew he hated it when she brought that up.

"No!! No! No no, no burning legion nonsense here!" Bir stood up and poked the succubus' collar bone. He didn't understand demonic, but he understood the first part. The way she giggled it made his blood boil.

"A-kreesh! A-kreesh! Amanalar, xi zennshinagas rikk!"

"Buh? I can do that too! Fallah bandu nei t'ase'mushal!"

"I'm helping you master, I'm making you upset so you can write!"

"Oh? Oh..! Thank you then, Cattora."


---


As it turns out, the letter was hardly 'evil' or 'scary'. It was just a normal letter from the eccentric Bir Romine. The page was plain this time, but he still wrote in red crayon.



Skaadvik 'the Reborn',
I humbly request that you and your band of chivalric paladins come and fight me in the Arathi Highlands no later than eight on Wednesday. This Wednesday. If you silly monkey-men don't have clocks and you don't know what time that is, ask one of your gnomes. I am sure gnomes have clocks because they engineer.

Write back soon, also, make sure you bring all your stupid bulky human friends. ALL of them.

Selama ashal'anore,
~Bir Romine
P.S. Bring Noxtrael.
P.S.S. What makes you 'reborn'? Are you undead?

(( Also, no hard feelings or anything XD. ))

[Xiphus]

((you need to do something about the ink. It hurts my eyes to read it))

[Skaadvik]

(( yeah mine too. Also, I haven't had my computer for two days. Also, Noxtrael is on a family vacation for a while. Also, I have to go to work, so I'll write a reply when I get home. ))

[Bir]

(( It's not ink, it's wax. And Bir's too poor to write with anything better, if you wanna stroll up to me in-game and teach Bir what ink is-- BY ALL MEANS. XD ))

[Jilliane]

((How many times have I seen "That color hurts my eyes" and he does nothing about it... So time to stop asking or stop reading the posts.))

[Bir]

(( I refuse to meta game properly colored ink into my RP! RED CRAYONS. It could be worse, they could be black crayons. But honestly, is it that big a deal? I mean if it's this huge a deal I can just you know, not RP anymore. ))

[Xiphus]

((The problem is that red fonts clashes with the dark purple background, resulting in a 'cacophony' of colors that really hurts the eyes. Is there an option to change background?))