A very tattered journal

[Anya]

7/6

I've got to get an early start today, or all the best corners will be taken. I made up some really nice potions and salves, the night before last. I just hope that they sell...I'd kind of like to eat tonight; and have somewhere to sleep.

Had my first hot bath in two days. I keep damn clean, but usually it's soap and a waterfall, or a lake...

Don't have very many choices. It's not as if I have a home. It's only lately that I can afford inns, having started my alchemy...Sometimes I can't, though. It all depends on how well I sell.

Snagged a few goldenbark apples from the fruit vendor today. She was away from the cart, what do they expect? There's tons more. They won't be missed...

I don't have much to complain about. Patience has paid off. I think I've got it made from here. They must be desperate. Or just that unbalanced. In a way, I don't like using them...But in another...?

It's almost too good to pass up the chance.

They honestly believe me. I mean, really? You've gotta be pretty thick to latch onto that one. It even sounded bad to ME. Damn.

I don't have much to complain about anymore. As long as I can make enough copper to sleep in the inn most nights...Or stay with 'Rissa...I've got it made. A warm bed is more than I ever thought possible.

Food, a place to sleep that isn't bug-infested, dirty, or cold...A girl that enjoy s my company; and a new profession. An honest job. Ha! Was I really stealing and begging on corners just a week ago?

Oh, how life can change.

I think this is going to pay off in the long run.

In my more...Honest...Moments, I wish I wasn't hurting people to get here.

Those don't last long.

The world hasn't been nice to me. Why should I be nice to it?

--Anya...Heh.

[Anya]

7/7
Afternoon

Well, I'm back at my room in the inn...I've got the most money I've ever had in my life. 21 silver. 21 whole silver pieces and they're mine. Nobody can take them from me, unless they try and rob me. I'll incinerate them if they do.

No more eating other people's cast offs. No more moldy bread, cheese rinds. Sleeping in stairways, with nothing but a ragged blanket to keep warm. No more fending off the scum that prowl the streets of murder row.

No more feeling their eyes on me, no more, "'Ey pretty girl, ya sure ya don' wanna earn some copper?" no lecherous grins, caresses I don't ask for as I walk by...

It's all over.

I never want this to end.

[Anya]

7/7

I spent the night in Fairbreeze las' night...

That place is like a mansion. Bloody hell. I could fit twenty of my old 'room' in it and have room for a small wardrobe!!

She sure has pulled out all the stops.

I wonder why she wants this child to be alive so badly? Was the loss that great? From the rumors, it was only an infant, not even fully to term. I mean, honestly...That's no great thing, losing something you never knew. Loss happens, it's part of life.

I've slept better in the last two days than I ever have in my life.

Guards downstairs to keep people out. Guards! That aren't trying to arrest me for stealing food!

Speaking of food. Oh my goddess, the things they have here. I want for nothing, ever. It's wonderful.

And I can conjure my own muffins and water, now. I will never starve again.

This makes me happy.

Happy.

Huh.

Who'd have thought?

[Anya]

8/20

The charade has to end.

It's been three months now.

The way she looked at me when I asked if she was leaving...

That's real love. That's what real parents must feel toward their children.

I don't want to hurt them anymore. They don't deserve it.

I'm killing their baby girl twice.

They'll never forgive me for this.

If I even forgive myself.

I wish they'd still love me; when it was all said and done...This is the happiest I've ever felt.

Yeah, right. Who am I kidding?

I'm nothing. Nobody. Just some sin'dorei maid's accident. She couldn't even be bothered to live long enough to name me.

At least with them; I was someone.

Now...? I guess I'm back to being nameless.

Everything comes full circle.